Odd thing you've done, and then thought 'WTF did I do that?!'(293 Posts)
I once found a white disc in the washing machine after a load had finished. Couldn't for the life of me work out what it was. So I licked it. Turns out it was a lemon scented bleach block for the toilet cistern. I'd scooped up the packet with the dirty washing. I don't usually lick random objects. It tasted a bit lemony, and not particularly fatal in case you were wondering.
Oh yes, confusing Gaviscon with Calamine during pregnancy heartburn.
Oh god, i just had a major choking fit at
"wannabestepfordwife is coming do you want to help"
This has literally had me in tears.. Think I've woken the children up I've laughed so loud!
I though I was being burgled after hearing a vase smash. So I went with plan A which is to climb out the bedroom window (ground floor)
The second part of this plan is to take the keys with me so I can get in the car
Unfortunately a) it was an earthquake and b) the whole street was outside. Oh and I didn't take the keys with me. So I had to climb back in (inelegantly) wearing knickers and a vest top
Today I considered washing the extractor fan in the bathroom with the shower head. Luckily my brain kicked in and went "it's electric, don't do that"
My mum went to the loo at a dodgy service station on a long trip. She went into a stall and did her business. To her dismay the door opened and a person entered the stall next to her. She was horrified to see a big pair of man feet take up residence. She yanked up her knickers and flew out of the restroom yelling for my dad. A very bemused man exited the Gents bathroom, whilst my father kindly suggested mum put on her glasses before entering the loo next time.
We were on holiday at the seaside last year, just got our icecreams. As we walked off I looked down & saw a white dribble on my hand. Lifted it to my face & licked the warm seagull poo off.
Fishy Fishy Fishy!!!
Also remember the humiliation of calling a teacher "mum" in front of the whole class at age 15.....
These are hilarious! I've been lurking for a while but had to create an account for this thread. 'Nein' & throwing yourself downstairs had me in stitches.
My own confession:
I was a temp at an agency in my 20s, answering phones, general admin. One of the companies I worked for was called "Henry Foote & Partners" and when we picked up the phones we had to say "Good morning/afternoon, Henry Foote & Partners, how can I help you?" You'd think that'd be hard to get wrong, but I did.
"Good afternoon, Henry's Partner's Foot..."
Not me (although I can be stupid), dh wanted to make a cake one day (yes, i know!) so we made a lemon drizzle cake, he wanted to me involved and so I tried to take a backseat, told him to "fold in the lemon zest" and turned away to weigh something out only to turn back and shout "wtf are you doing????", turns out he had got 'folding in' and 'kneading' confused and I then had to scrape gobs of cake batter off his hands-d*ck!
I used to work in car insurance. My friend was insured by us. I had just returned from the McDs supper run and thought I saw friends car outside.
So I walked in carrying McDs for 5 with no spare hand I kicked my friend up the bum. The look of horror on both his and my face when I realised I had just kicked a random guy taking out an insurance policy up the bum.......
I have no idea why I kicked him up the bum. I've never greeted a friend in such a way before.... Or since!!
My first ever fake tan - I was having one where they exfoliate you and apply it all by hand. "Put
"Put on the paper knickers and lie on the couch" the beautician instructed. There was a towel on the bed and another on top. As I was there to get an all over tan and I rolled the second towel up as put it under my head. So she walked in to see my arse !! - completely naked, bar a black paper thong!!
She shrieked and suggested I put the second towel over my arse!
I phoned a local garage for a quote to fix my car. Polite, formal conversation, nothing unusual. I ended by saying "thanks very much, bye, love you"
Great thread! happiest - you have reminded me of a similar one. I went for my first and only fake tan just before my wedding. Also had to put on paper knickers. Not having worn a thong in many years, I put the pants on as I would normally: bigger bit at the back, smaller bit at the front. Did wonder why the back didn't cover my bum properly and wtf was going on with the silly little bit at the front. Also felt a tad embarrassed that my bikini line was not styled a little more er...severely. It was only afterwards that I realised that I'd put a thong on back to front. The beautician was very professional and didn't bat an eyelid, bless her.
The bum kick story has had me in stitches!!
A few years ago I went to a gym where my best friend and her mum went also. If I ever forgot my gym pass I just quoted the receptionist my 6 digit membership number which I'd memorised.
One day I was with my friends mum in a body combat class and we were talking about a party we'd been invited to. She asked me how I was getting there, and I don't know if the workout had just shrunk my brain cells or if id been having a bad day, but rather than say "taxi" I said "083464" (my membership number). What's more I didn't even explain myself I just stared at her as if I expected to her to decipher a weird code. God knows what she thought but I must have freaked her out as she just said "O.....K then."
I walked away wondering WTF I said that for and why I didn't correct myself afterwards.
She's still my friend and we laugh about it now!
Not me but my ex... When I was at uni in halls he came to stay for the weekend. I'd explained about the key cards for our doors and if he needed to go for a wee in the night to take the card or stuff a jumper in the doorway to stop the door shutting. We'd both had a few (lot of) drinks (meaning I will be near impossible to wake up) and I was finally awoken by the light going on and my ex standing there in his boxers with a female security guard. Apparently he'd tried to wake me up for half an hour after locking himself out (idiot...) and had to walk 5 minutes in the frost in just his pants up to the gatehouse to ask someone to let him back in... I was definitely WTF is going on?! Hall mates found it hilarious!
Rediscovered this thread and crying laughing. Running my own business from home if i get phone calls and i'm a bit busy i've pretend i'm not there and ask them to call later when 'i'm ' back if you see what i mean! (Trouble is i have a very distinctive voice so end up trying to put on an accent with the kids looking at me open mouthed when people call back)...So..answered the door last week to local ad mag chap who asked to speak to 'Howstricks' , I wasn't in the mood so using my phone trick said 'she' was out. Dh answers the door to the same chap an hour or so later and calls me over...to make it worse in order to cover up my embarrassment i tried to pretend i was my own sister (wearing the same clothes!!!) and speak in a completely different voice..ad man and dh were
I was on the phone to my brother, merrily chatting awayaway, when I picked up my drink (a pint of limeade), opened a drawer full of important paperwork and poured the whole glass of bright green drink in
I once was I was I. the phone to the mobile phone company, they asked me to confirm my number so I did, they told me that it was wrong, so I said again, this went in for a while and ended up with me giving the poor guy on the other end of the phone a bollocking because he was wrong-
turns out I was telling him my exHs number
When I was 22 I went to buy a bottle of wine. The man serving me asked how old I was? I replied back '18'! He then asked to see my id which he looked at and realised I was 22...he stared at me like I was crazy!
I frequently forget how old I am and really have to think about it before I come up with the correct answer.
At uni I decided to test whether the hob was working by touching it, I turned my entire palm into a huge blister.
Also, not me but a colleague who burst out of a cubicle at work screaming the place down. As we were in ITU I assumed that the patient had literally exploded or something, turns out my colleague had seen a spider.
Last year I posted my dad's Father's Day card into the post box. As it slipped from my fingers I realised it just said 'Dad'. I hadn't written his address or even his name! I had put on a stamp though!? I felt like such an idiot.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
THis thread is great!
Mine :Spent 10 minutes trying to get in my car but the key wouldn't turn had a similar problem the week before so I was unimpressed it hadn't been fixed. I rang the AA started complaining that they had been out the week before and I was not happy etc etc they asked for licence plate which I couldn't remember went round the front and reliased it wasn't my car, my car was 2 cars back. So I said oh it's working now and hung up!
Also walked home from work on more than one occasion and then called dh in a flap cos car had been stolen to them remember driving to work that morning!
Not me but my mother, we were on a night out she got a little tipsy and as we were leaving some lads (about 20ish) were sliding down the banister of the stairs in the bar. Being my mother she started telling them off saying it was v dangerous they could hurt themselves. She then proceeded to take one step and fall down the full flight of stairs!!!
Oh yes. Called the hair dresser to make an appointment one time when we were visiting DH's hometown. "Anyone available for a quick blow job today?" Meant blow dry.
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