Feeling very down, will I ever be have another baby?

[bunny2]

Since my second mc I cant seem to dig myself out of this hole, I am crying every day, drinking too much (though not loads), obsessing and feeling depressed. The more I search for answers the bleaker the picture gets. The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gyneacologists have lots of info about recurrent miscarriage and I read on the site "A history of subfertility (conception delay greater than 12 months) is present in 25 -30% of women with recurrent miscarriage. It is frequently due to ovulatory disorders and confers a poor prognosis for future pregnancy outcome". Well, I took over 18 months to conceive after a m/c, then was diagnosed with ovulatory disorders and treated only to miscarry again.

So is that it? Should I give up having another baby? The thought breaks my heart.

[motherinferior]

I've just read this and want to send you a hug((((())))))))))

[fio2]

oh bunny lots of hugs from me((((((((((()))))))) hope things get better for you soon. Dont read too much, it just drives you mad. My dd has sn and the more reading I do the more sick I fell. I hope things start looking up for you

[Wills]

Agree with the others that you shouldn't read too much. There are places out there that can help you and I think you should start to get more help now - especially with getting yourself into a more positive state. As for giving up - no way!

Loads and loads of hugs coming your way

[marthamoo]

bunny2, massive (((hugs))) and baby dust coming your way. I've nothing to say to make it better, except that I had a miscarriage after two years of ttc, it then took 6 months before I got pregnant again, and I was giving up hope BUT (after a very nerve wracking and stressful pregnancy) I now have my beautiful 23 month old. Don't give up.

[madgirl]

it's just so bloody unfair isn't it, but i agree- please try not to read too much. if you are anything at all like me, it actually makes it worse as there are lots of potential answers, but nothing for YOU YOU YOU. do you know anyone personally that has gone through any similar experience that you can get together with and talk face to face with? mumsnet is fantastic but sometimes i just wish i could be in the same room as the person i am posting with. from me anyway

[quackers]

Oh Bunny, I'm so sorry you're feeling so crap. {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}. It's really really tough and I know I couldn't give up trying, although at times you feel like crap.
I think seeing your consultant will help you a great deal. You'll possibly feel like something is being done and you can move out of this 'limbo' stage you're in. You know how I felt about 4 months ago and just wouldn't lift. I was drinking and getting depressed etc... I had to get over that though before trying again. I didn't have the energy. The aromatherapy really helps, would you try that perhaps??
BTW, your comment on the ttc thread was genuinly warm and lovely. You are such an inspiration to me. - honestly.
xxxxxxx

[bossykate]

so sorry to hear you have been in the wars, bunny. i really hope better things happen for you soon.

[melliek]

Bunny2...I can definatly sympathize with you. Have had 2 m/c, no children. Completly obsessed now with ttc, but worried if I will ever be able to carry. Both were incomplete and due to a blighted ovum. What is the link to the site that you were on..I would be interested in reading up on it. By the way...I am the same with the drinking, somehow the slight buzz helps to take away the pain, but unfortunatly we both know that we have to get on a level ground again. If you ever need to talk I am here...

[sibble]

bunny2 - am thinking of you - have nothing very helpful to say except that it is natural to feel low and that everybody copes with what life throws at them in their own way. I have 'only had 1 m/c' 6 months ago and am still ttc with no luck so I can relate in part to you. It has taken me 6 months to get my head together (although I don't think I will ever really get over it) and I still cry. I agree that it may seem helpful to try to read lots to find an answer but it can be counter productive and become overwhelming. You are an individual whatever the research and papers say (and I say that with a background in medical research). Do you have good support around you? Don't give up.

[Ghosty]

Dear Bunny ... I am sending so many cyber hugs your way. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but all I can say is I know a little how you are feeling.
After not trying for DS and getting pg it never occurred to me that I would have problems ... then getting pg straight away 2 1/2 years later and having an M/C knocked me for six ...
Even then I was sure I would conceive straight away again ... but I didn't ... it took me 6 months to get pregnant a third time ... and then I have had to face all the worry of actually being pregnant and fear of losing it ...
I agree with everyone about not reading too much as I know that is something that did my head in ... I actually went to the doctor about my fear of never being able to have another baby and very kindly and sympathetically she told me that worrying about it was not going to help AT ALL ... and that I ought to give 'trying' and 'thinking about trying' a break for a couple of months ... I took her advice, went home ready to forget about it for a while and concentrate on other things and 4 weeks later I was pregnant.
I am not saying that will happen to you, but maybe if you gave yourself a bit of a break and were a bit kinder to yourself you might find yourself relaxing more about it ....
Lots of love

Ghosty xxx

[lazyeye]

Hi buuny - I think I know a little bit about how you feel & I'm thinking about you. I agree as well about the little knowledge thing - I think the internet doesn't help when we can get all sorts of half info about stuff, though I totally understand you looking for clues.

I've had 2 m/cs but I also have 2 sons. After my last m/c in the summer I really felt just like you - that I would never be pregnant again. I also thought my age was against me - 36. I think the loneliness of it all is very sad.

I think you should try to talk to your consultant and if you had some sort of plan, even if it was to leave it for a couple of months, then try again with a plan. Don't give up, you will get there - your just gonna have to braver and stronger than most of us.

All the very best

[BigBird]

oh bunny....sorry to hear you are so low right now.
I haven't had a m/c but have been trying a long while for #2 and am having low months too when i'm wondering if it is ever gonna happen. I would like to 'give up trying' for a month or two but I just can't do that...its too difficult !
Some ideas for you might be to treat yourself with some aromatherapy or reflexology. Or what about visiting a chinese medicine practitioner or acupuncturist in conjunction with going down the standard medical route. I have not tried this myself but believe they can help a lot with fertility.
I have heard lots of wonderful storeis in recent months (while being more aware of ttcers)....of people that tried for years and had almost given up hope and then bingo ! Every case is different and every couple different and all I can say is don't give up hope....but go and TREAT YOURSELF now for Christmas. Relaxing, massages, shopping, nights out - whatever you can do.

Good luck

[quackers]

Bunny, how are you today?
I found this site a while ago and it has been very useful. Click on all the links and all the contents on the left hand side. It covers absolutely everything and you shouldn't need to trawl through masses of info. I particularly like the 'coping' and moving on sections. It goes into grt detail about ttc again too.
Hugs {{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}
here

[Demented]

Hugs, Bunny {{{{{{}}}}}}.

[bunny2]

Thank you for all your lovely messages. Still feeling crap but it's so good to have support here. Dh is being nice to me, I think he feels guilty for having a go about things last night. Spent lots of today on the phone to a friend who had ivf to conceive her twins. She has an idea of what I am going through so I'm very glad to have her. My parents came round with some iron tablets for me, I wanted to scream at them "I want a baby not f*cking tablets". Their advice was to chat with my gp if I dont feel better in a couple of days, if only it were that easy.

Quacks, great site, thanks for the link. It has tons of good stuff on it. Keep well Bxxx

[Brunhilda]

Love and hugs. Nothing more I can say. Wish I was face ot face. You are not alone.

[naayie]

bunny2 - don't give up i have had a mc and my dd was stillborn but i have 2 beautiful ds! I spent months (or more!) searching for the answers (believe me, it's all part of the grieving process) I will try and help if you have any questions - just don't give up.xxxxxx

[jmg]

I kind of know how you feel. I had a molar pregnancy in Jan 2001. Its a bit complicated to explain but its a kind of growth that can become cancerous if it spreads. You have to be monitored for 2 years afterwards with blood and urine tests and can't get pregnant for a year after you have the m/c.

When I got to the point of being able to get pregant again nothing happened and now I think I'm going through the menopause. Both my children and the m/c were 1st month conceptions.

I do find it very difficult to talk about. I always lead other people to believe I am happy with my DD and DS and don't want any more but it does really really get me down at times

I am only 39 - not really that old - never thought time would run out so quickly!!

[Azure]

bunny2, sorry to hear you're having a bad time. No advice, just sympathy.

[hewlettsdaughter]

Hi bunny, I've just read this and I'm almost hesitant to post as there is lots of good advice on here already and I'm not sure what I can add. Have you contacted the Miscarriage Association ? Might they be able to talk through with you how you are feeling? Sibble is right, you are an individual, no matter what research seems to be telling you. Please don't give up yet, thinking of you xxx

[StressyHead]

message withdrawn

[hana]

Hi Bunny, have just caught up with this.
My heart goes out to you, you seem to be in a very sad place. There's been lots of good advice here so I can only echo what others have said. I never did get around to talking to someone from the Miscarriage Associaton after we lost our baby in June - and then by Sept/Oct I was expecting again and didn't see the need. Now that I've had another m/c I am going to contact them. I think talking to someone who doesn't know you can be really theraputic. I've talked so much to dh, friends and family - but they really don't seem to get it - with all of the best of intentions, I just don't think they do. Please let us know how you're getting on, lots of people 'here' are thinking about you
love hana
x

[bunny2]

HI again everyone. Just managed to get the laptop for a few minutes(dh thinks using the computer is upsetting me!). Wanted to say another Thank you for all your support. I feel a bit better today, havent even cried (well, a little bit but I was with a friend who is very pregnant). I have found a local support group so I might take the plunge and call them tomorrow.

Melliek, to find the site I originally referred to go to Google and type

"the investigation and treatment of couples with recurrent miscarriage"

It should be the first result, or go to www.rcog.org

sorry, usually I can do links but cant get it right tonight.


The Office is on so I'm off for now. Love to all xxx

[bunny2]

Just walked ds up to pre-school and EVERYONE else has their baby with them or a bit pregnant tummy. Feel like the sole Mum with one child only. I so dont want ds to be an only child, I feel like I am failing him terribly. I always feel sorry for only chldren, probably wrongly but I do.

BTW, Does anyone know anything about antiphospholipd syndrome?

Hana, I know waht you mean about family and friends. When I very tearfully explained the situation to my parents my Mothers first question was "have you thought about adoption?". I just looked at her, I couldnt even reply to that one. I know adoption is an option but not really something I want to consider right now when coming to terms with probable infertility. All I wanted from her as some sympathy.

Melliek, how are you? I havent really had the opportunity to catch up on Mumsnet recently. I hope you are ok.

jmg, how are you coping? I fear I might be pre-menopausal. I am 37 and thought I had time for at least one more child. I originally wanted 3, then after my fist mc and difficulty conceiving, I sort of adjusted to having 2. Now I might have to re-adjust to having 1. Why cant things ever go as planned?