to not appreciate being given a charity gift?

[JannerBird]

BIL has sent me and my DH a card saying that he has made a donation to a charity on our behalf for our christmas present. Am I being unreasonable to think that this is a crap present? Can't help thinking that a donation to charity should be a private thing. At the very least I would have appreciated the chance to donate to a charity of our choice?

[FabIsGettingReadyForXmas]

YABU.

[displayuntiltwelfthnight]

yabu
his money, his choice

[jeep]

tight arse

[MaggieAnFiaRua]

at least you haven't been given some plastic tat that you have to pretend to like but really, feel guilty about hating, and shifty about throwing it out, and awkward about not being grateful... iykwim.

[JannerBird]

who jeep? me or him?

[JaneS]

He just doesn't know what to buy you. If you really feel annoyed, ask him which charity it was and then affect extreme moral indignation at the choice. He won't do it again.

On the other hand, you could just shrug and be pleased some charity is better off and you're minus one badly-chosen gift ...

[jeep]

him, does he have proof of the gift?

[FabioTwitterCat]

Oh that pisses me off no end. I do hope you're going to give to charity as a present to him.

Oxfam catalogues are great - but imo they are they so one can say, don't buy ME a gift, buy some goats for this here chap in Ethiopia (or wherever).

Me? It's Christmas and I want Stuff. It ain't all about the baybee Jeepers.

[Nevergoogle]

yabu

he thinks the money is best pooled to spend on something worthwhile.

we had an oxfam wedding list alongside our conventional one. it made me feel all warm and fuzzy when we got a charity gift.

[Earlybird]

I don't get excited when told that a charitable donation has been made in my name instead of being given a gift.

But it is a much better use of the money than someone spending to give me something I don't want/won't use/don't like.

Besides, there is nothing I really need, and the things I'd like will never be given to me as a gift as they're too expensive.

Long way of saying - the thought was there, and the funds have gone to a worthwhile place. Be gracious and thank your BIL.

[JannerBird]

Yeah the card came from the charity. I'm not against giving to charity but it's not one that I would have chosen. Wouldn't have minded so much if he had asked me which one. . .

[fruitsticksinyourstocking]

Not sure whether you are being unreasonable or not but I don't really like this as I think it is much more about the giver than the receiver and smacks a little too much of smugness or superiority (dons tin hat).

Obviously everybody should give to charity and most people I know (including me) do but I think it's only acceptable if the charity has a strong personal connection with the recipient or it has been requested.

Either that, or it's an actual gift such as a sponsored child, elephant etc that the recipient can appreciate.

Many people I know have had charities on their wedding list as they say they already have enough stuff and that is fair enough.

But either you want to give someone a gift or you don't. If you'd rather give to charity, just say you're not doing gifts this year.

Otherwise, you either make the recipient appear shallow and materialistic for buying you the latest Jamie Oliver, or a selfish ungrateful wench for being disappointed or upset at being told you haven't bought them a gift at all.

[FabioTwitterCat]

I'm with you Janner.

If someone gave to the fund for ickle fire breathing stupid puppies for my Christmas present I'd be farking livid.

The RSPCKitteh I will forgive. Just.

[LuckySalem]

I think your being unreasonable in being annoyed at a charity gift, HOWEVER, I would be annoyed too if I hadn't been able to choose as I don't really believe in giving to large charities and would prefer to (and do) give to local charities.

[LynetteScavo]

There was another thread about this recently, which had me qukingin my boots because I'd bouth dD's reception staff, collectively a charity gift.

At the end of school on yesteday, one of the classroom assistants said "Thank you for the gift Mrs Scavo, it really maant a lot."
So yes, YABU.

Would you have prefered hard cash, or some tat you would have taken stright to the charity shop in January?

I guess he's given you this becuase you are so hard to please.

[brandybutterfly]

Depends whether you just want more crappy tat Christmas gifts. YABU IMO.

[FabioTwitterCat]

Bring on the crappy tat!

[Frog253]

Yes, I don't see why someone else's charity donation has to become your present. Surely your BIL could give to charity at any time of the year and call it a present to himself. Or he could ask you to donate to his favourite charity for his Christmas present. That way the charity gets some money, you get a gift and your BIL can feel good about himself.

[JannerBird]

Don't consider myself hard to please LynetteScavo. Would have been more thoughtful if it was a charity I support rather than his favourite.

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

YANBU. It's your choice to give to a charity and you should at least get to choose which one. Why can't he donate his own money to charity? Why has he got to use the money he would have spent on you?

I'm with Fabio, entirely. And I'd be most annoyed if someone gave to an animal charity on my behalf as I specifically do not support them.

[FabioTwitterCat]

Gawd imagine if his favourite charity were the BNP?

[eek]

You could really do a nice line in passive aggressive presents by donating to a charity to rile the recipient.

To MIL,
I have donated £5 to the RSPCA for your Christmas presents. They need the money to help wild animals and feral snarling Rottweilers and that. I thought it fitting.
Lots of love, DIL


Janner - what was the charity?

[thedollshouse]

It wouldn't bother me as I don't want gifts anyway. I wouldn't mind if someone bought one for ds as it is important that children understand that there is poverty in the world. One of my friends was a tad annoyed one year as about 5 different relatives bought her dds charity gifts and as they are very young they didn't really appreciate it or understand. It also meant that they had very few gifts to open that year.

[hatwoman]

if people prefer that money that would be spent on presents gets given to charity then it would be far more fitting/far more generous to say to those who normally give you a present "if you'd like to get me something this year I'd really appreciate it if you got me a goat/gave Oxfam some money on my behalf, instead." rather than "getting them" a goat.

when my fil married he and his wife said they didn;t want presents but if people wanted they could contribute some money to WaterAid. I remember reading my mum's card to them in which she refered to their generousity. she was quite right.

[TheEnigmaticFlea]

I have to admit to doing this deliberately to piss my SIL off because she had spent an entire weekend visit hinting about how much greener they were than us, mainly because they weren't 'weighed down with possessions'

She then really annoyed me by giving DD a homeopathic remedy without asking me, so I thought 'sod it' and gave her a goat for Christmas.

[hatwoman]

and re giving kids a lesson - it's part of our Christmas day rituals that we go on-line - usually to Oxfam - and chose something that we, as a family, will give to another family. Seeing as we don;t go to church...and seeing that we are, in the scheme of things, wanting for nothing, I think it's an important part of our day.