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AIBU?

to encourage my 16 year old babysitter to shag her equally 16 year old boyf?

212 replies

misshardbroom · 22/11/2008 16:19

I have a sometime babysitter who is 16 and in year 12 or Lower Sixth or whatever. I don't leave my children with her at night, she just occasionally covers an hour and a half for me on a Saturday between DH going out to coach rugby on a Saturday and me getting in from work. She's a very young 16 in a lot of ways, not very streetwise really but very respectable and sensible.

Anyway, she has been seeing her boyfriend for about 8 weeks, I don't know him but he sounds OK and she really likes him.

This afternoon she texted me as I was leaving work and said would I be able to pick up some form of sanitary towels for her on my way in as she had come 'on' and didn't have anything. I told her to help herself from the bathroom but I only keep Tampax in and she doesn't use them so of course I said yes I would. Then she texted back and said would I also be able to get her some condoms.

I got them for her because I figured that if she's sleeping with her boyfriend then it's better she has the wherewithal to do it safely. And she's 16, as is he, so the entire thing is legal, if perhaps less than ideal.

However, I'm a bit uncomfortable about it because I don't know how I'd feel if in 10 years or so, someone was buying my teenage daughter condoms.

I don't really know her mum (i.e. definitely not in a position to say 'hello, do you know your daughter is having sex?'), but although my babysitter sees me as her friend, her mum is only 40 so just a few years older than I am myself.

But then, would it be worse to say no, and then her go ahead and sleep with him anyway and end up pg or with chlamydia or other nasties?

what would you have done?

OP posts:
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stitch · 22/11/2008 16:23

very difficult as i wouldnt have a 16 year old babysitting for me.
but, fwiw, i think that as long as both over 16, then its fine.

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herbietea · 22/11/2008 16:23

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anyfucker · 22/11/2008 16:23

well, first I would be about a 16 yo kid texting me to pick up some shopping for her

I presume she goes home when you arrive home, so she could get the condoms herself

the sanitary towels I just about understand, tis horrible to be caught short

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misshardbroom · 22/11/2008 16:24

This wasn't really a thread about my babysitting choices.

OP posts:
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dittany · 22/11/2008 16:24

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NutterlyUts · 22/11/2008 16:26

I would guess she got caught short, but then thought as she was already embarrassed, might as well ask for condoms too, to get it all over and done with?

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anyfucker · 22/11/2008 16:27

good point dittany

OP, I don't see why you even nedd to get involved in the buy/don't buy condoms conumdrum

if she is having sex, presumably she isn't doing it in your house so she should get her own

OP, I don't see a problem with a 16 yo babysitter for a couple of hours either

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ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 22/11/2008 16:27

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AstroPup · 22/11/2008 16:29

Couple of thoughts, on the general topic of buying 16yo condoms - not ideal to be put in that position but its is legal and I guess it would be pretty awkward to refuse but sure i would feel if she were my daughter iyswim.

But actually I reckon this is some kind of prank - she had to do a dare or somesuch. The sanitary towels thing seems fair enough on its own but then with the condoms after seems like testing the water or something.

I reckon she lost a bet and had to do the texts as payback!

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mrsgboring · 22/11/2008 16:29

Agree with anyfucker. But presumably, by asking you she knows you may well tell her mother so either the mother knows, or the babysitter is fine with her finding out.

Other option that occurs to me is this could be some kind of teenage prank/dare thing? If I suspected this and had the brass neck to carry it off, I would go and get several different packets and have an excruciatingly long chat about the merits of each type....

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AstroPup · 22/11/2008 16:31

Its too bizarre - she surely would have no need for the condoms the moment you returned home so would be able to get some herself when she left??

Straaaaaange!!

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anyfucker · 22/11/2008 16:31

and then ask her to demonstrate the technique of putting one on (in the stylee of stuffy old school science teacher circa 1979....)

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Dottoressa · 22/11/2008 16:33

Is this serious? There is no way in a zillion years that I would buy condoms for a 16-y-o of any description. If they want to have sex, that's their business - but I would refuse to have anything to do with it.

If I thought someone were doing the same for my DD at 16, I would be livid.

That said, I'd think something had gone very wrong if my 16-y-o DD were asking another adult to buy her condoms.

As it seems so horrible and weird, I wonder if astro and mrsgboring are right, and it's a dare? That is by far the most (relatively) benign explanation...

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kyrasmummy · 22/11/2008 16:54

Well i would have bought the condoms and would hope it if it was my DD at 16, someone would buy her the things if she wanted, if she's going to have sex i'd rather she would be safe.
I have no problems with a 16yo babysitting either, my sister had a baby at 16 and was very good with kids

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Blondeshavemorefun · 22/11/2008 17:01

i dont understand why she couldnt go and buy towels and condoms once you were home 30mins later

awful to be caught short with sanity protection - so do kinda understand the text

but

maybe this is weird,but if she is having sex/about to have sex how come she doesnt use tampax?

without sounding gross its obv a hole which if she cant get a tampax up, might have difficulty having a much wider ( i hope ) willy there

though saying that my 33yr friend hates tammies and only uses towels - guess ecah to their own

i would have brought her the condoms as better protected than not

she is over the legal age limit - its not like buying them for a 14yr

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hellish · 22/11/2008 17:07

I was shocked at her asking you to buy stuff for her - (has she never used toilet roll in an emergency?)

I think she either;

a) didn't need the towels and was just working up to asking you to get condoms as she's too embarassed to get them from the shop herself.

or

b) Really wants to talk to someone about having sex and was hoping that this might be a way to open up a conversation with you.

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Ineedmorechocolatenow · 22/11/2008 17:16

I agree kyrasmummy. At least she's sensible enough to use condoms! I think she may have been using the opportunity to have a chat with you about stuff. See if you can have a talk with her the next time an opportunity arises.

Don't see why some people think it's weird being asked to pick up some sanitary towels, it's horrible being caught short.

I also don't see any issue letting a 16yr old look after my kids for a couple of hours in the day, as long as he/she's sensible and you trust them....

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StealthPolarBear · 22/11/2008 17:18

What a strange thing to wonder about Blondes! Maybe she's just never tried tampax. Maybe she hates it - I do, although I do use it. Or maybe she only has oral sex!

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StealthPolarBear · 22/11/2008 17:18

I'd have bought them but felt a bit strange about being asked, same as OP I suppose

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anyfucker · 22/11/2008 17:19

I don't think people had any real issues with the sanitary towels bit chocolatenow, it was mainly the condoms.

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NuttyTaff · 22/11/2008 17:21

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squeakypop · 22/11/2008 17:21

It's a bit weird asking you to do her shopping for her.

Perhaps she sees you as someone she can confide in.

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RustyBear · 22/11/2008 17:23

I'd go with the dare thing - if only because most 16 year old girls I've known would think having sex during their period totally gross.....

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littleboyblue · 22/11/2008 17:23

I would have got them for her, as you say it's legal for her to be having sex, but I think you should have a little chat with her to let her know you're not comfortable with it, and explain why, ie someone buying your daughter condoms. If she is as grown up and mature as she should be to be having sex in first place, and more importantly, looking after your children, she will understand

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Ineedmorechocolatenow · 22/11/2008 17:24

Also, why do people think it's weird a 16 year old asking someone they trust to buy condoms? Have you lot forgotten how EMBARRASSING it is to buy them when you're 16 and of the shy retiring type? God, I was mortified when I was that age... I still get a weeny bit embarrassed nowadays, 16 years later!

Why on earth would people think she was doing it as a dare or a trick? From the OP, she doesn't sound the type at all....

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