Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 25 26

AIBU?

To push DD to apply to Cambridge?

643 replies

AllieinWonderland · 16/08/2016 22:31

So I'm relatively new to posting on mumsnet, but have been a long time lurker, so if I mix up the lingo a bit then apologies!
DSS1 got 9As 3As at GCSE, 4 high As at AS level, and is on track to exceed his AAA offer for Oxford.
Oldest DD achieved 13A*s 2As and a B at GCSE (the B in music - she had a panic attack in the exam and it was on a tape so she was unable to get the time back) and is looking on track for 5 high As at AS level in French, English lit, history, physics, and art. She is seemingly good at almost everything (triathlons at county level and has previously played and trained younger children in cricket and basketball, plays the cello, the xylophone, and the clarinet, won a local photography competition, always gets lead roles in an amateur dramatics group and solos in choir) yet has always struggled severely with self esteem, and focuses on the things she is bad at: sees her B in music as the end of her chance of going to good universities, can't bake or cook to save her life despite much encouragement and teaching, is awful at tidying (she is happy to do it but ends up gradually making more of a mess and gets flustered. Again, I've tried forms of 'teaching' and noting has worked). These latter two issues have led her to thinking she needs to stay at home for university and she is driving me mad by saying she'll go to the local university, which is really not a very good one at all, and the only others she'll consider are those with offers of "BBC" or below.
She has finally settled on studying English literature, and I took charge and booked her on open days at Warwick, Edinburgh, Cambridge, and Durham, and her school took the 'Oxbridge' candidates to Oxford for a trip. She hated Durham, didn't like Edinburgh, thought Oxford and Warwick were okay, but loved Cambridge.
In spite of this she is refusing to consider applying, says it's a waste of an application.
I don't want to push her, but I do want her to apply because she clearly loved it and is more than capable. All of her teachers have been saying it since before I can remember, and she reads almost constantly.
Aibu to try and change her mind?
Sorry for the lack of coherence here, my mind a bit of a mess!

OP posts:

Report

BillSykesDog · 16/08/2016 22:37

It sounds like she is under an awful lot of pressure, which it also sounds like you may well largely be the source of.

I suspect that she doesn't want to apply as she doesn't want the pressure of an application and the fear of being seen as a disappointment if she doesn't get in.

If you really think she should apply I think the best way you could convince her is to try and make her feel that there is no pressure and tell her that if she doesn't get in it doesn't matter and you will be proud of her no matter where she goes.

But also, you should tell her that if she does decide to stay home and go local, or at least keep that option open in her applications, you support that too. You can encourage her, but at the end of the day it is up to her. And it really sounds like further pressure would be counter productive.