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AIBU?

To be scared of death?

487 replies

dragdownthemoon · 14/02/2015 02:11

I am terrified of what happens after death. I have nightmares about it, I have panic attacks when I think about it. I don't want to be a ghost cursed to wander the earth alone or trapped in a hell dimension, or just all alone in the dark. No one knows what happens when we die and I am terrified of what will happen. I tried to talk to DH about it, he actually laughed at me and says he has no concept of why on earth I could be bothered by this.

Does anyone else get freaked out by the thought of what happens when we die? I am tormented by it and there is no escape, death is coming to us all

OP posts:

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Mermaidhair · 14/02/2015 02:20

Hi drag
I understand you being frightened of death. It use to be my big fear. Now I am excited to think about when it's my time. Not that I want to die anytime soon! I love my life. My dh passed away 12 months ago and now it does not frighten me. It is a completely normal natural thing. I have a strong faith also. Imagine going to paradise! That is what I believe heaven is. Pure peace. Life is like a big classroom to learn lessons. Heaven is our real home! We are just visiting here. That is how I look at it now. I think you are thinking about it too much and it is giving you anxiety:)

pollypocket123 · 14/02/2015 02:23

Golly I could discuss this all night. I find it so odd and sad that one day we'll all be gone...inevitable but fine I guess as we have no control?? I wish everyone could live forever!!!

pollypocket123 · 14/02/2015 02:26

Mermaid hair what happened to your husband? I hope you don't mind me asking.

HoundoftheBaskervilles · 14/02/2015 02:28

Ahhh, I'm going to come at this at a completely different angle, I'm not excited about death, I have no faith.

I'm not scared though, it's natural, we'll all be there, and the fear, the fear comes to us all. It's just the fear of the unknown. That's ok.

The trick is to live.

Now there's the scary thing.

DioneTheDiabolist · 14/02/2015 02:32

What would you like to happen after death OP?

Mermaidhair · 14/02/2015 02:34

He passed from bowel cancer:( He was only 43. It eventually spread to liver, lungs and kidney.

TheChickenSituation · 14/02/2015 02:37

Mermaidhair, I'm so sorry. That is no age at all.

Can I ask - don't you worry about hell, though? It seems like you can go to hell for the least little thing, and it sounds like an awful way to spend eternity.

I don't fear death, per se. I do fear dying, though. Dying is almost always accompanied by pain. :(

squoosh · 14/02/2015 02:41

It's a completely rational fear. It's the most unknown thing and the most inevitable thing.

SorchaN · 14/02/2015 02:50

There's no such thing as hell. It's part of a mythology designed for social control. It's a sadistic threat that can't be substantiated. It's an outrage that has no place in any theology.

pollypocket123 · 14/02/2015 02:53

Hound that's so true.

differentkindofpenguin · 14/02/2015 03:32

I wish I could talk to you in person... I'm not good at expressing myself online. I have been present at many deathbeds... Nurses will do anything to stop pain and distress, and we are skilled at it. People often ask me if this is the most difficult part of the job, and the answer is no, it's a massive privilege, and there only one chance of getting it wright. I have always noted to myself how peaceful and happy people looked at the moment of death. Sorry if this sounds wrong, but it always reassured me.

I don't believe in heaven or hell, reincarnation maybe. Death holds no fear for me, I just feel sad for my loved ones. It's a tough one.

I hope this thread reassured you OP. Feel free to pm me if you like

fizzycolagurlie · 14/02/2015 03:49

I had a friend who was the same, years ago. He could go into a cold sweat on the bus just thinking about how he might die.

Its a form of extreme anxiety and you should speak to your GP about it, (if you can) and see if you can get some cognitive therapy to find practical ways to counter-act it when it kicks in. Good luck.

TheChickenSituation · 14/02/2015 04:06

Really, Sorcha? I didn't know that. I am not religious and didn't grow up in a religious household (or even a religious country), so my theological knowledge is sketchy, at best. But I think one of the reasons I am scared of God, and of religion in its entirety, is because of Hell.

I have never been able to reconcile an all-forgiving God being quite happy to send people off to Hell after death.

penguin - that is such a lovely post.

Cleanbean · 14/02/2015 04:26

No no freaked out. It's just like going to sleep, nothing more. I was resuscitated on the operating table a few years ago. There was no brilliant white light or overwhelming sense of peace (or anything scary or sinister) just sleep.

differentkindofpenguin · 14/02/2015 04:31

TheChicken- I'm relieved you were not offended, I'm really crap at coming across well online.

I strongly agree with pp who said hell is a control thing.

Also agree if you feel like it's taking over your life please seek help

dragdownthemoon · 14/02/2015 09:39

Thanks for the replies, I'd had a couple of glasses of wine last night which started me off into my spiral of panic about death and when I tried to talk to DH he was spectacularly unhelpful!

I realise my OP could be a bit insensitive to anyone who has lost someone, I am so sorry if it upset anyone. I wasn't really thinking, bit tipsy and in panic mode!

OP posts:

VitoCorleonePart2 · 14/02/2015 09:44

My DP is the sane, cant even mention the word "dying" to him, he is terrified of it, and even more terrified of dying young

I on the other hand am not scared, I'm not religious but have my own beliefs, i believe we reunite with our loved ones, then we all come back together, i definitely believe in reincarnation, and believe we are always with the same people (because really, we're just energy)

That thought alone, that i will always be with my loved ones is why i cannot fear death.

aurynne · 14/02/2015 09:55

Please do not read Stephen king's last novel, "Revival".

aurynne · 14/02/2015 09:56

Before you were born, you were "not there" for millions of years. After you die, it will be the same. You were not bothered before, and believe me, you won't be bothered after :)

Threesoundslikealot · 14/02/2015 10:01

I'm not scared of what happens after death, because I believe we just stop, and our only existence after death is in the thoughts of others. I do fear dying because it will mean saying goodbye to the people I love, and the end of the journey. I remember the excellent book by Ruth Picardie, who died of breast cancer in her thirties, in which she talked about the silly things, like not finding out what happened next in ER, alongside the huge things like leaving her small children behind.

I realise that by the time it comes for me to die, I may welcome the peace, if I have been unlucky enough to be very unwell beforehand. I certainly have willed death on to relatives I have seen very close to the end, suffering.

kittentwo · 14/02/2015 10:02

Had to answer you I used to be terrified of death but my son really helped me with this. He said before you were born you were alive but you have no memory of being alive or being born. Death is just the same this gave me a lot of comfort. Otherwise I would suggest CBT. Take care I know how frightening it can feel.

SomewhereIBelong · 14/02/2015 10:03

aurynne - I have the same view, when my children went through the first flush of fear about death stage we asked
"Do you remember what it was like before you were born?",
"No",
"That is what it will be like when you die"
"You will live on in the memories of everyone whose life you have touched - try to leave happy memories"

I am not religious, so will not talk about heaven and by default instil that opposite fear of Hell...

marthasmith · 14/02/2015 10:08

Mermaidhair .....I think the same as you, when we die we are simply going home. I have faith in God too.There has to be a reason we're here. The idea that we're here because of a Big Bang are so against the odds that it's practically impossible. The odds for human life to be possible because of a Big Bang are at less than 1 chance in a trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion, trillion. In other words it would be easier for a blind man in one try, to discover one specially marked grain of sand out of all the beaches in the world. Don't be afraid, you'll be fine.

SomewhereIBelong · 14/02/2015 10:14

I don't want to derail the thread, but using science, the odds are not that long evolutionfaq.com/articles/probability-life.

Mermaidhair · 14/02/2015 10:17

I saw a medium 3 weeks after my husband passed and my husband came through 100% with not an inch of doubt. I don't need to go into details ( unless anyone wants me to). From that moment on I know. Also remember this we are energy we must go somewhere!

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