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Started at 5.30 am when ds (6mo) woke up for the first time which for him is briiliant. Dh was supposed to be getting up with him, told me he'd be giving him milk to et him back to sleep again. I reminded him of what we'd discussed which was we'd try to settle him without milk, OR if he wouldn't and it was after about 5.30 we'd try not to give him milk straight away so as to restructure his feeds a bit (when he night feeds he won't drink anything all morning and it all goes wonky). I've worked f**king hard with ds at night trying to reverse it the correct way round and spent HOURS awake with him.

DH did his usual lost his temper chucked the bottle of cooled boiled water at me and told me to get up with him even though I was supposed to be having a lie-in. Cue explosive row, he enede up getting up with ds I just lay in bed crying. Got up myself at 8, more nastiness, supposed to be going to church as a family but took dd (3.5) on my own just to get away from him and his rants about how Mothers day is "pathetic" and why should he make an effort etc etc because he doesn't believe in it.

Aftre church had a meal out, couldn't eat much due to nasty atmosphere then more spite this pm, went out to get some new gym clothes, he offered to buy for me which I didn;t expect but half way there because I'd mentioned how unhappy I was with his behaviour turned the car round and refused to go, then froced me to apologise and then did it twice more just because i wasn't saying exactly what he wanted.

I haven't been able to stop crying all day, dd just looks really worried all the time because her Mummy is so sad .

I really really hate him , he's a f**kwit. This is pretty much the scenario every single weekend, he won;t go along with me about anything re parenting and just has these huge toddler type tantrums everytime I disagree with him. If I don;t apologise or give in to him he just makes threats e.g. if I'm meeting a friend he'll then refuse to do childcare last minute.

I'm no saint, I've said some horrible things to him too but he's a vile vile bully. The ONLY thing that keeps with with him is my gorgeous dcs and our beautiful house. I wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage on my own and just can't face the thought of leaving and starting again whilst he gets to keep the house.

I'm now beginning to feel permanently anxious when he's in the house as in sick with anxiety because of his temper. Yes I do "nag" him about housework but he's so shockingly messy and dirty I can't keep on top of it all and I get to the end of my teather with it.

He claims to still love me desperately but acts like he hates me, I don't think I love him anymore. He's a good Dad but a shit husband, and now he's got a hold on me because of money, I hate not being independent and not just being able to go.

He's beginning to alienate our friends too with his tempestous tantrummy little outbursts and his self-righteous rage and indignation. We're supposed to be going to centre Parsc in 2 weeks and I'm dreading it as I know he'll just kick off about ANY issue re parenting if we don't do it his (f**kwit no common sense) way.

Our arguments are going to wreck my dcs life. I was looking at the "are you 100% sure your partner would never cheat thread". I'm pretty sure he wouldn't but TBH I don't actually care if he did. I think that says it all really.

TBH I think you need to leave. The way he treats you will already be having an effect on your 3.5 yr old and that is more important that him having the house.

I haven't really got any other advice for you but I really think you need to think seriously about why you should stay with him because it doesn't sound to me like there is much reason.

Crikey if a couple ever needed relationship counselling I reckon it's you two. Fault on both sides I don't doubt.

You absolutely HAVE to get it sorted before you drive each other and your kids round the bend.

Has he always been like this? Has it become more of a problem when discussing roles/parenting of the dcs?

I'm sorry - I just realised my post sounded kind of harsh but my sister was 3 and I was 6 when my father left and she remembers more than me about what went on between my parents and stuff and it has affected her life quite badly.

I don't want to scare you but your children will be happier living with a happy you in a rubbish house.

I've no experience of this but I agree that you need counselling together. You sound like you're both pretty unshakeable in your beliefs - for your kids' benefit you need to resolve that or at least learn to compromise, even if you don't stay together as a couple.

I think you know you should leave him. You say he is a good dad, but your DCs will learn their behaviour from the way he is treating you and will be badly affected by the arguments and atmosphere. Frankly, I think that staying with him because you don't want to lose your lovely house, well, your priorities seem to be in the wrong order. Your children's wellbeing, and your own, must come first. (FWIW, being the main carer for the DCs, you may be entitled to stay in the house anyway - see a solicitor and investigate your rights)

If you get divorced, doesn't he have to pay part of the mortgage to keep you and the DC in that house? Genuniely don't know, but thought this was the case. He would have to pay a proper amount of maintenance, wouldn't he?

Perhaps it is just a case of difficulties of life with 2 young DC (am in this position myself and don't feel any love for H at the moment)?

Sorry not much help.

I know I'm at fault I know I'm stubborn, I've suggested counselling but what's the point if he thinks he does nothing wrong?

He hasn't always been like this, having dcs has been a huge stressor for us. The fact is I'm on Mat leave I've looked after ds every single day pretty much on my own and I know him best. He had day and night reversed and I've worked bloody hard to turn it round. yes getting up at 5.30am isn;t great but ut sure as hell is better than the 4+ wake-ups we had before.

I would be happy to compromise but I'd end up being bullied by him as there's no way he'd do the same.

The tantrums sound like my ex. Raging through the house at 5.30 is abusive and disgusting. Has he ever hurt you (apart from the bottle throwing)
Wanker

I actually see faults on both sides (sorry) so maybe counselling is your option. He does sound like he has anger issues and is ultra aggressive but you sound a little bit like you also like to maintain control but in a more passive-aggressive way. Difficult to say and i am really sorry if I have it wrong but your case sounds just like a friend of mine and her husband (in fact, I hope you are not my friend and her husband!!)

I have actually looked on rightmove, I could afford a house on my salary in a different area that's ok.

I can't afford this mortgage on my own and I don't want anything from him apart from half the equity (about £25k) the a bit of cash for dcs clothes and childcare fees.

I think I'm just baulking at the enormity of sorting it out, esp as I'm sleep deprived and on maternity leave so no cash coming in of my own.

oh minx,

How awful that this is happening for you. I read your post with a feeling of dread/remembrance of my terribly unhappy marriage. Mother's day, Father's day, Christmas Day, birthdays, Easter, bank holidays were all routinely ruined by my XH. I don't think he could cope with any kind of "occasion" TBH.

I haven't got any great advice, I left in the end as he roared at me on a father's day (many years ago now) and screeched off in his car spraying me and my two little boys with pebbles from the drive.

I remember looking out of my bedroom window at the families in their gardens, having a lovely time, daddies playing with their kids and having BBQ's, and thinking "My life isn't NORMAL, this isn't NORMAL" I know that the concept of "normal" is fluid and changes, but honestly?....can you look at today and shrug it off as a "bad day"? (despite the fact that it's Mothering Sunday and should be special, even if he feels it's an excuse for the card companies to make money) or is this just one more example of this selfish manchild being shitty to you?

It may be the former, I feel it is probably the latter.

I know how you're feeling.

He's a bully. How long before you see this pattern of behaviour being used on your dc?? Any signs of it? Because it sounds like he has no self control

Can I jsut say that trying to get a baby into a routine of not needing feeds all night is asking for trouble?

A baby of 6 months that is.

He sounds like an utter scrotum

He wouldn't automatically get the house, don't know why you think that. You are married aren't you? You will probably get to keep the house and the children. I would see a solicitor if I was you

You're right tryharder there's definitelt fault on both sides, we're both controlling.

When I met him his life was CHAOS, aftre a few months i couldn;t handle it and said I was leaving. he didn't want me to so he made a few changes.

He takes things too far in arguments, he locks me out, gets out of the car mid way through a journey, threatens not to do things so i can't go out.

he has a point but he takes it too f**king far.

You stay you're staying together because of the kids. You should be staying apart because of the kids imo.

And no house is a nice home if he atmosphere is always crap.

How does church fit in with all this? Funny old church, or is all the love and peace stuff ignored?

Oh do one moondog with your snidy advice about baby care. I've got 2 dcs, one slept through at 4 months and ds had day for night completely reversed, it's not "asking for trouble" to try to rectify that on some way.

Your 3 year old looks worried because you look sad all the time.

Surely, this is enough to make you realise that you need to leave this man?

Suit yourself.
If you answer like that to every suggestion is it any wonder you are in the mess you are in I wonder?

Your house is not worth more than your children living in a home where there is no bullying, shouting, meanness.

He doesn't really like church, I do and I have to go to jump through all the hoops for ds baptism and dds school entry, but I go anyway.

The sermon today was about marriage and commitment and compromise. I nearly cried all the way through.