Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DH has given me an ultimatum

(312 Posts)
Memyselfandthatotherperson Tue 06-Sep-16 06:28:35

Things have been been difficult for a while and these are old issues but last night DH gave me an ultimatum. Either we start having a lot more sex or he leaves.

We're generally once a week, although less lately as I'm 20 weeks pg and having pains plus general exhaustion from working FT and 3yo dc. His libedo is higher than mine and wants every other day.

This is obv very important to him as part of a loving relationship and he's said it's my choice to make now.
Wwyd?
Tia.

IzzyIsBusy Tue 06-Sep-16 06:32:26

No this is not a loving relationship.

I would tell him to close the door on his way out hmm
He is bullying you in to having sex. He does not care that you are pregmant or how that mskes you feel and he doesnt care if you want sex or not.
He is a selfish prick and you dont need to bow down to his demands.

ThatStewie Tue 06-Sep-16 06:33:07

I would tell him to leave.

You are pregnant, a mother and work full time. Exhaustion is par for the course. I'm guessing you do most of the childcare and housework too?

Bullying you into sex you don't want is nasty and controlling. Ultimatums like this aren't reasonable and lack respect for you.

Glastokitty Tue 06-Sep-16 06:33:34

At twenty weeks pregnant I'd tell him to go fuck himself. Seriously, can't he use his hand? If he is serious saying that to a tired pregnant lady then I'd say he is a selfish prick and your life will be infinitely better without him.

SharkBastard Tue 06-Sep-16 06:34:56

Take the ultimatum and enjoy your freedom from a bullying prick! What a terrible way to treat anyone!

ShebaShimmyShake Tue 06-Sep-16 06:34:58

And how many night wakings, and how much housework and childcare, does he plan to handle to give you the energy?

paddlenorapaddle Tue 06-Sep-16 06:36:08

Honestly I'd call his bluff. Start packing him a bag so he can sleep elsewhere it may implode your life but the truth is you are in a marriage with someone who puts there own needs in the case sex first

That doesn't feel like love to me it feels wrong

You are pregnant a good partner would be caring for your welfare and that of your baby not pressuring you for sex

He stays or he goes who wants to be in a relationship with a selfish person

Smellyrose Tue 06-Sep-16 06:37:44

Wwyd?

I'd tell him to fuck off.

user1471552005 Tue 06-Sep-16 06:39:10

He sounds a charmer.

And probably lousy in bed.

LumpySpacedPrincess Tue 06-Sep-16 06:39:18

He needs to go. How can you share your life with someone that puts his needs above his and his his children, seriously, why would you do that?

I would pack for him.

MoreCoffeeNow Tue 06-Sep-16 06:39:50

I'd help the selfish prick pack.

LumpySpacedPrincess Tue 06-Sep-16 06:41:30

Bleugh, his needs above yours etc, you get the idea, he's a git!

Plus, before you say it, he is not a great father, this is not how great fathers behave. Bet you're a great mum though! flowers

DoinItFine Tue 06-Sep-16 06:43:11

A man whobwoukd threaten to walk out on his pregnant wife a preschool child unless he gerlts more sex.

That is a bad man.

A terrible husband.

An awful father.

Take this ultimatum as the best gift this prick will ever give you and tell him to oack his bags and fuck off.

AnyFucker Tue 06-Sep-16 06:49:18

Yes of course you have a choice

Show him where the door is

TheSparrowhawk Tue 06-Sep-16 06:49:59

So he wants to rape you?

Eh, no, that's not loving, that's a crime.

Buggeritimgettingup Tue 06-Sep-16 06:55:23

what they all said.

Give him an ultimatum he leaves now with his bollocks in tact or pissed about and loses them both

ravenmum Tue 06-Sep-16 06:58:47

Twenty weeks ago you were good enough a partner for him to bring a new person into the world with. Now you're only good enough to stay with if you serve his sexual needs to the letter?
Why is he so keen to make it your decision? Does he think that makes it "your fault" if he leaves?
I wouldn't want to stay with a sex bully who targets his wife in pregnancy (a time when men who really are in a loving relationship would normally be wrapping her in cotton wool) or indeed someone who is so thoughtless and irresponsible about starting a family.
Being alone at this time will be hard, but being with him sounds absolutely grim. That's the real choice you face.

grobagsforever Tue 06-Sep-16 06:58:52

This is so sad OP. Are you OK? He's blackmailing a pregnant woman into sex. During my first pregnancy I didn't want to do it at all. DH just accepted it.

It's easy for us to say LTB but do you feel able to? What's your support network like?

SanityClause Tue 06-Sep-16 06:59:22

I would tell him that it's his decision, but that you won't consent to sex that you don't want.

I would also make it clear to him that demanding sex in this manner isn't a turn on for you. If he wants to have sex with you, it's a weird way of going about it.

Didiusfalco Tue 06-Sep-16 07:01:49

You're 20 weeks pregnant? Have a 3 yr old and work FT?

Let the fucker walk. He sounds vile.

LellyMcKelly Tue 06-Sep-16 07:03:03

Tell him to piss off. What a twat.

LocatingLocatingLocating Tue 06-Sep-16 07:05:31

Christ OP, he sounds awful.
Don't let yourself be blackmailed like this. Talk about managing to ensureyou NEVER want sex with him again!!
Call his bluff.

AyeAmarok Tue 06-Sep-16 07:05:34

Having sex with someone who is only having sex with you because you threatened them.

What a turn on hmm

I'd let him walk. He's obviously selfish to the core and doesn't give a fiddler's fuck how you feel.

FoxesOnSocks Tue 06-Sep-16 07:05:59

Ask him why he thinks you don't have sex more frequently.

I suspect he doesn't do his share of childcare orhousework, nor does he make a effort to make you feel good.

I think you might need to take him up on his offer of leaving, he doesn't sound nice. Consider all other traits that don't make him a decent husband.

rollonthesummer Tue 06-Sep-16 07:06:19

I would say fine and would then tell everyone exactly why he split up with you.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now