In July I posted about how I'd discovered my partner of 16 years had slept with a colleague. He had ended the relationship and told her he wanted to stay with me. I had a gut feeling something was up and checked his phone, where I found incriminating texts (which backed up his claim that their affair was over). The reasons the affair started are long and complex and I won't go into it all, likewise my decision to stay and to give our relationship a chance. Since it all came out my partner has been remorseful and transparent, I have access to his phone/emails etc, we have been talking and talking and going over everything and despite many days of rage and pain I've really felt optimistic in the last few weeks that we'd turned the corner. He is, of course, aware that any further transgressions will result in my leaving.
Fast forward to today. I have been sporadically checking his phone, which I'm not proud of but I'm not ready to stop and give him back his privacy yet. Nothing untoward on there, until today I found some instant messaging between him and OW. I'll paraphrase:
OW: That sounded really dramatic didn't it? Wasn't meant to be. I just know it's not sustainable.
DP: Yes it did sound dramatic.
OW: So
DP: Ok.
That's it. So, what the hell am I supposed to make of that? They are still colleagues; can this really be a work related exchange? I haven't confronted my partner about this explicitly but this evening I asked him again, point blank, if there was even the tiniest non-professional relationship there. He gave me his word there wasn't. And the way things have been between us- his remorse, our conversations, his absolute insistence he loves me and wants us to be together- I honestly can't see him continuing to see her.
What do you think?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Post-affair Instant Message Mystery!
thecatsmother72 · 26/08/2014 21:19
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