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social services are destroying my family

(284 Posts)
justalilmummy Tue 21-Jan-14 23:08:42

Social services have ruined my family and I just dont know what to do anymore, I want to run away from it all
My partner had a mental breakdown 15 months ago, leading up to this there were a few issues (arguments got out of hand abd police were called, 3 times last time 2.5 years ago)
After hes breakdown social services became involved and we were under a child in need plan
The plan said I was to protect my children by not allowing the children to be alone with their father - which I did
Partner after being released from the psychiatric hospital after 8 days was allocated a mental health nurse who he saw regularly
Everything was going great social workers visited as they still had a slight concern about dp state of mind
4 months ago he was discharged completly as they felt he was fine now and he did not have a mental disorder
Things took a bad turn after this as social worker did not agree with the decision
They first tried to convince dp to go to the doctors and get medication to help hes ' depression' even though he does not have it.
Dp did not do this so one day they turned up in the evening and said they are very concerned and he is not to come inside the family home, we were shocked by this but he went and stayed at hes mums, which we again did
6 weeks ago a child protection conference was held and they have put the children on child protection for the 'risk of emotional abuse' as father refuses to accept hes problem and I am downplaying hes mental health issues even though hes mental health worker says he doesnt have any mental disorder!
The conference was held as if he was still in the family home which he is not
Its now got even worse as they have told us that I need therapy to come to terms with the 'domestic abuse' I have suffered and my child needs therapy as well, also dp has to attend a parenting course.
They have made it very difficult for dp to attend any of these meetings as they hold them all in the afternoon even though we have repeatedly told them he can only do mornings coz of hes work
They threatened me this afternoon that as I am reluctant to go to therapy I'm giving het ammunition to take it to court for a care order
I must add there has been absolutely no issue since hes breakdown 15 months ago
This is having an awful effect on my 4 year old ds, he is waking nightly crying for hes daddy, hes begun wetting himself at school and s not eating properly
I just dont know what to do, they say this is coz he is at risk of emotional damage when it's them causing all the upset in this household :-(

JustTryEverything Mon 24-Nov-14 10:06:14

I've just read the thread and although I don't have any direct experience, I have been very impressed by your strength, openness, willingness to listen and your efforts so far OP. I really hope you are ok, have continued to get the support you need and life is improving.

If you need more help or advice, there are lots of lovely people here who know way more than me so hope they can help you.

Keep going - you're doing so well!

Oops, sorry. I didn't look at the OP's name. I just saw that it wasn't highlighted in the same colour and presumed it was a different poster. blush

LittleMissDisorganized Sun 23-Nov-14 02:55:54

I've been thru it - here to listen and will try to help.

FreeLikeABird Sun 23-Nov-14 00:03:53

Hope your ok op x

Sorry x posted with you all. My mn froze.

Think this is the op

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 23-Nov-14 00:01:10

Fecking ipad.

History not hosiery. FFS.

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 23-Nov-14 00:00:38

All the hosiery is here though so if the OP starts a new one, one of us can link it for her.

ChippingInAutumnLover Sat 22-Nov-14 23:59:36

This is her thread, she's just posted on it again, with a slight variation in the way she has typed it so she's not showing as the OP.

TheGirlFromIpanema Sat 22-Nov-14 23:59:06

Just is the original op agent.

But agent is probably right about older threads being ignored. Might be a good idea to start a new one and link to this one on first post.

divingoffthebalcony Sat 22-Nov-14 23:59:01

Are you the original poster with a slightly different name, justalilmummy5000?

TheGirlFromIpanema Sat 22-Nov-14 23:56:23

justalil hope you're ok.

Justalilmummy5000, you're best to start your own thread. Just click on "start a new thread in this topic" at the top of the page. Old ones tend to get ignored.

Wherediparkmybroom Sat 22-Nov-14 23:31:41

They are ridiculously hard to get rid of, the initial sw in our case was struck off. Say as little as possible and get legal representation

justalilmummy5000 Sat 22-Nov-14 23:23:33

Very old thread bit is anyone who read this around I really need some help

Isetan Sun 29-Jun-14 19:45:41

Change the lock/s now! You didn't know he had a key the first time, therefore it's unlikely that you'd know if he has another set. For the sake of your children, you really need to disengage from this man, currently he is a threat on too many levels.

apermanentheadache Sun 29-Jun-14 19:01:46

Not my experience with social services , previous poster. They were involved briefly, I got treatment, they left us alone. End of story.

socialservicesrscum Sun 29-Jun-14 05:53:40

Anybody out there suffering the institutional abuse that is social services and while I respect all opinions on here please don't ignore clara777 I say this as I know what it's like when social services are after you purely for a vendetta and yes it's very true that once they are involved it's really difficult getting rid of them and the twisting they do today is worse than ever be very careful when dealing with them say as little as possible and always make sure you have legal representation for your child when dealing with these people they are truly dangerous and have a completely negative effect upon the family.

Icimoi Sun 18-May-14 17:50:35

OP, please ignore clara777 who doesn't seem to have read the thread and who really isn't helping. You did the right think in calling the ambulance, which will help to demonstrate that you didn't want him in the flat, and you should follow Spero's advice.

However, hard as it may be, you really shouldn't be frantically phoning around hospitals and police about him. That is going to give the impression that you aren't letting go and might let him back into your life. Leave it to his mum to look out for him.

Spero Sat 17-May-14 23:17:01

I am sorry to hear things are not going well but I hope you can still try to work with children's services.

I really don't think it is helpful when people post stuff like 'there does not have to be any real reason for their unwanted attention'.

I know some people report horrible experiences, and I am truly sorry that so many people have only negative things to say. However, in my experience, they don't have the time or the resources to mess about with families where there are no real problems. I hope your energies don't get diverted fighting the wrong battles.

Try to be as open and honest as you can about what is going on and what you are going to do to make sure he doesn't gain access to your home again.

Your children CANNOT just be taken at the whim of a social worker. They have to get authority from the court. Our website is now up and running; you may find this link helpful.

clara777 Sat 17-May-14 22:53:04

You are in trouble and I don't know what to advise but I think it would be a good idea to ask to be transferred to a different social worker. You also need to watch every word you say in front of them, say as little as possible because it will be twisted. If the father is getting worked up it is actually better he does not attend but you need someone on your side in there take as many people as possible. I also think you may have to tell them that you have parted from your other half and wait it out because otherwise you are in danger of losing your children. This is the real choice that you are facing now. Social Services did destroy my family. They were initially called because I was 17, had left home and my daughter was premature. I loved her deeply and looking back I can see that I cared for her extremely well but for months they would not let up it was relentless. Eventually I offered to do anything they wanted including leaving my partner, her father but nothing worked. In the end they took her from me she was healthy when they took her but she died shortly afterwards. It was truly a vendetta and Sarah would be alive today if it were not for them. That was over 20 years ago and I think their powers have increased since then. Once they are in your life they are almost impossible to get rid of, only those who have been through this will understand that there does not have to be any real reason for their unwanted attention but once it starts it is very hard to get out of their clutches and the stress and worry is intolerable. Be very careful and get all the help you can.

cestlavielife Thu 08-May-14 09:19:45

you need to write a list about what you are doing to ensure he cant come in your house eg does he have a key? if you need police help ask - they can come to your home an review safety and security.

let hospital and mh services deal with him. focus on your babies.
tell ss you only want supervised contact for your kids to see him - they or his mh team can help him set this up. let other people handle your ex. he is ill. he needs help. you cannot give him this.

you need to look after you and your dc.

keep feeding your dc and yourself, keep going one day at a time.

cestlavielife Thu 08-May-14 09:14:25

Why did the police show up as well if only an ambulance was called?

it is standard procedure to send police as well when there are dc in the house / when certain issues are mentioned on the 999 call.

call the sw.
ask for support you need.
SS dont want to remove children if they can help it - much cheaper better to support you to keep them. have you got rl support friend relative who can come with you to meetings?

Been reading through, you have my sympathies as I've been through something similar recently. She can still be your ally, call her, explain and ask her for advice on what to do next time, and more importantly what you can do to prevent a next time. The dv team at the police station can be helpful too. Will be thinking of you today.

weatherall Thu 08-May-14 07:38:29

Yes take the initiative and call the sw this morning.

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