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Dp been really off with me since going on a stag doo.

(280 Posts)
whatapotatohead Tue 23-Apr-13 13:06:16

Dp went away this weekend on a stag doo. He came home on Sunday night and has hardly spoken to me sincesad
I was fine with him going away (actually looking forward to a few girly days with dd) and have been fine with him since he has been home, stayed up until he came home even though it was late and had to be up in the morning, had a beer and a snack waiting in the fridge for him when he got home. Nice meal prepared for last night...
He wouldn't come to bed on Sunday, stayed downstairs until I was asleep, hardly spoke to me last night and wouldn't come to bed again but stayed downstairs until 1am.
I have asked what is wrong with him but he just says he is fine then goes quiet again.
Don't want to keep asking him what's wrong but can't stand feeling like this.

Madlizzy Tue 23-Apr-13 13:07:13

I'd sit him down and tell him that you're not a bloody mind reader, and there's obviously something not right, so spit it out.

quoteunquote Tue 23-Apr-13 13:08:25

Where was the stag do?

KirstyJC Tue 23-Apr-13 13:09:30

Oh dear.....did he do something he shouldn't?

Where was it and what type of do - quiet drink with the boys in the local or a weekend in Thailand?

whatapotatohead Tue 23-Apr-13 13:19:20

It was a weekend in Amsterdam hmm I am not naive I know there was more than likely a visit to a certain type of club and I can deal with this as long as he didn't pay for a private dance (he knows this)

TicTacSir Tue 23-Apr-13 13:20:47

What do YOU actually think, OP? Any suspicions? Any relevant past experience?

TicTacSir Tue 23-Apr-13 13:22:09

X-post.
Amsterdam. Plenty of stuff to get up to. Could he have been coming down from taking something?

LookingForwardToMarch Tue 23-Apr-13 13:22:55

Sorry but thats typical guilty behaviour.

I think you have to consider that he went much further than a 'private dance'

(Just from stories ive heard from male friends on stag doos but visiting brothels is part of the norm on these things)

Lueji Tue 23-Apr-13 13:23:39

Also thinking he is feeling guilty of something.

TurnipCake Tue 23-Apr-13 13:24:59

Guilty conscience was also my first thought. Someone else mentioned a drug comedown, also a possibility?

Something obviously happened. Maybe the groom or other married members of the got up to something they shouldn't and he feels crap about it and wrestling with whether to tell or not.

fieldfare Tue 23-Apr-13 13:26:53

My first thought would be a guilty conscience.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Tue 23-Apr-13 13:28:53

guilty conscience, whether from drugs or infidelity is irrelevant if he wont talk to you. sad

Something has happened.

whatapotatohead Tue 23-Apr-13 13:30:33

Tictac I would be very surprised if he had taken anything, the only time he has he was very ill afterwards and was certain he never wanted to try again.
A brothel, really?? These guys are all married or with long term partners would they really go that far?
I don't know what to think tbh was thinking a private dance at the worst but now sad that would be a deal breaker for me.

TippiShagpile Tue 23-Apr-13 13:33:07

I don't thing stag parties generally go to Amsterdam for the culture.

I second infidelity or drugs. My money's on infidelity. sad

Lueji Tue 23-Apr-13 13:33:58

Some men would. sad

A friend has gone with her (so called D)H to a football thing in Spain, and she says that many men (with no wives there) went looking for women.

LookingForwardToMarch Tue 23-Apr-13 13:34:42

Its what amsterdam is famous for? And yeah the impression I had was that the brothels are like one of the main attractions.

Ofcourse its also possible for married men to go there and stay faithful...but you need to ask yours some serious questions as he is definitely acting guilty.

quoteunquote Tue 23-Apr-13 13:36:33

Does he need a trip to the STD clinic?

sounds horrible, sorry but you need to feel that he is being totally open and honest with you before you risk anything, it sounds very like he has a guilty on his mind,

could he of taken anything and be on a come down?

Sorry but I'm with the others.
He did something very wrong and is feeling guilty and can't really face you or talking to you.
Sorry again.

Leavenheath Tue 23-Apr-13 13:39:59

These guys obviously don't see any problem paying for sex of some kind so why is it such a leap that they'd go to a brothel?

specialsubject Tue 23-Apr-13 13:40:26

sulking in silence is the behaviour of a toddler and doesn't really help. Kicking you in the teeth when you make him welcome isn't adult either.

did he go with a prostitute?
has he been attacked?
did he see something unpleasant?

there's no way you can know unless he tells you. BTW don't have sex with him (like you are going to!) until you find out, you need to be sure he hasn't caught anything.

I hope he grows up and talks soon.

Is there somewhere he can stay until he can come back and behave like an adult again?

I would not be happy with him acting like this and bringing you all down.

AndMiffyWentToSleep Tue 23-Apr-13 13:43:58

Sorry to say, but my money's on guilt too.

Have you spoken to the wives of any of the others? Perhaps they know something that your OH isn't telling you.

whatapotatohead Tue 23-Apr-13 13:46:56

Shit, well he certainly won't be coming near me in the near future I'm not risking an sti.
Do I give him time to come clean or try and get him to talk? Not sure I can ask him face to face without breaking down sad why do men have to be such arseholes, women go on hen night's to have a laugh with their friends and at worst a stripper might be involved and men have to risk everything to get their end away.

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