I am so afraid that my marriage is over, I don't know what is the best thing to do anymore

[Theantsgomarching]

I am so upset and confused so forgive me if this is all over the place..

Dh and I going to relate at the moment but I am not sure we can stay together long enough to give it a chance to work. Our house flooded over xmas so have all the stress of that too, and two dc under 3.

I feel like I am losing the will to live.

[ClaraDeLaNoche]

Hold on and take a deep breath, it's not so bad. I think everything is worse in January, it's such a miserable month. Please don't panic, and give Relate a chance. Try to remember what you liked about him when you first met. Any chance you can get a bit of time out by yourself, maybe go to the cinema or something to switch off?

[Theantsgomarching]

God, I just cant stop crying. We just can't seem to agree on anything. I feel like I have tried so hard and been hurt so much and all my effort has been wasted...I am so fucking tired I cant think straight

[Theantsgomarching]

I've booked myself into a hotel for the night. MIL is minding dcs till dh gets home. Don't know what to think just had to get out. What a mess..

[AnyFucker]

Can you bring yourself to type more detail ?

It is hard to know how to support you if we don't know why you are at this very low point

A hotel for the night sounds good to give you a bit of space...but you will have to go home tomorrow...

[Theantsgomarching]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/988909-Am-I-fighting-a-losing-battle

[Theantsgomarching]

Sorry to just link but I don't have the energy to rake over it all again.

[AnyFucker]

Have read your link

Nothing has changed then ?

You are attending Relate with an abusive man. That was really a mistake. They should not be counselling you together. It is well known that joint counselling will give the abuser more ammunition to beat you with.

I cannot say any more than was said on your other thread.

I cannot advise you to keep trying to save this relationship. It is an abusive one.

You need to leave it, and for good.

[Theantsgomarching]

The consellor at relate said that she didn't feel he ws abusive.. We haven't seen her together yet. I went alone for 2 sessions and he had his first session last night

[perfumedlife]

He's an abuser alright, and a liar and a cheat. Do you really think all this effort is worth it? The kids won't thank you for it.


Great idea to go to the hotel, sleep, room service and a hot bath, then more sleep. Things look better when you are rested. x

[AnyFucker]

He isn't abusive ?

I read your thread, and saw your words

He is a liar, a manipulator, a sexual cheat and a man who has no respect for all women, including you

Get another counsellor, one that will see only you and find out why you are hanging on with grim desperation to a relationship that is bringing you, and will always bring you, nothing but unhappiness and fear

is this how you want o live your life ? Is his how you wish to model relationships for your children ?

Does he still have sex with you when you don't want it ? Then conveniently forget that it ever happened, whilst unsubtly blaming you ?

[AnyFucker]

A flood can happen to anyone.

But you don't have to stay with this man. You really don't.

Did you ever seek RL advice about your financial situation ?

[Theantsgomarching]

No. Im not from here and if we break up I'm going to have to stay here anyway so the kids can see him, it's just such a mess. And the fucking hotel is cold and horrible and there is no bath

[AnyFucker]

Aww, that sounds grim.

Even grimmer that you have to leave your comfortable home to get away from him for a few hours

Have you looked into why you have to stay in the same country. Do women there never leave their husbands ? What, ever ?

What country are you in ?

[Theantsgomarching]

No no of course I phyiscally could leave, I am in the uk now...I just mean I could never take the dc out of here as that would deny them their father. And I am a sahm, that would have to end too, I don't want my kids to hate me for breaking up the family. I am from a broken home and really didn't want that life for my dcs

[StuffingGoldBrass]

At what point in your life did someone convince you that you are not quite human? That your purpose in life is to be owned by a man who treats you worse than a disobedient pet?
I have read your other thread again and it is such a shame that you are still trying to patch things up with this sack of shit.
He WILL NOT CHANGE. He doesn't want to. He doesn't care about you in the least.
Do try WOmen's Aid, they will offer you support and advice and help you get strong enough to get away from him for good.

[Theantsgomarching]

But SGB I do stand up to him loads, and I get my way loads. The sex thing doesn't happen anymore. I told everything honestly alone at relate, except the lack of presents I forgot that, and she said that it wasn't abusive he just had issues because of his childhood etc

[perfumedlife]

Honestly op, I more or less always think kids have a right to a relationship with their father, not that the father has a right to see them, and the law agrees.

Regardles, he lost his right. The marriage is finished, whether you are ready to face that or not. The kids will thank you for being free and happy, not this downtrodden woman who is scared to move sideways and seeking refuge in a hotel. If you move counties he can prove his love for them by visiting them for quality time. Moving doesn't stop him being a father.

The only way is up from here. It won't get better if you keep on putting up.

[perfumedlife]

*countries

[AnyFucker]

I am sorry for misunderstanding

I thought you must be in some oppressive 3rd world country where women were treated as second class citizens and not allowed to leave their husbands, abusive or not

Now I realise you have made that prison for yourself and until you believe you deserve better (and your children deserve better) we are all wasting our time

Better a father hat doesn't live in he same house, so that they don't have to witness heir moher being treated like shit

what is it you want from us ?

why keep asking he same quesion ?

are you waiting until that one poster comes along who says marriage is sacrosanct and that you must keep cherish your abusive man forever, or your children will be damaged

I am sure I can rustle up one or two of those , if you insist

[AnyFucker]

I wish my T key was working

it feels like it works, when I am typing, but it obviously isn't [bangry]

[Theantsgomarching]

Sorry AF. I don't know what I wanted from you. Forget it.

[Theantsgomarching]

And I am not scared to move sideways. I am ot scared of him at all. I will leave when and if I am sure I have done the right thing by myself and my kids. You are all just ignoring the fact that relate have said repeatedly with full facts that is not an abusive relationship.

[AnyFucker]

did you tell them anything of what you told us on your last thread ?

[Theantsgomarching]

All of it AF. Except the presents thing, and him reading my texts one time. Not deliberate, just forgot at the time

[QuintessentialShadows]

Why dont you just take your child, go home and see your parents for a little break.

Take important papers, birth certficiates, etc. banking documents, and your access to online banking, I assume you have your own bank account.

And stay there.