ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
Seriously. Why? Why would I do that?(220 Posts)
Sat night party. Mostly people I don't know so feeling a bit nervous. I manage to mangle each one of my childrens names ( when asked) and then , when introduced to someone, I shake their hand and give them my husbands name ... " hello I am Pagman" I said
Long silence. I said " actually I am not. I am pagwatch. I am not sure why I said that"
DH then shook their hand and said " and i Mr Pag and married to a woman who isn't quite sure who she is"
Why would I do that. I wasn't even drunk FFS. And then I had hours ahead with people who think I am too dim to get my own name right.
I apparently AM too dim to get my own name right.
I'm going to break the law here and post on a zombie thread... Going through a very bad time at the moment and this thread has cheered me up so much over the last couple of days!!
Christmas dinner with some friends a few years ago in halls. By chance there happened to be an odd number of us and so we couldn't be 'partnered' when it came to the crackers. What do I yell out to a cafeteria full of sttudents?
'Oh good! We can hav a three-way!'
I was visiting my boyfriend at the time's family just after christmas, and his wee niece had been given a heap of toys including a robot dog that would do little tricks if you whistled or clapped. The whole family, parents, sister etc are sitting round in the lounge, and my boyf and the niece are playing with this dog, trying to get it to do the tricks. But when he was clapping the dog wasn't doing anything. So I had a go. Dog responds, first time. I am a genius. So announce loudly "Ha, see - I have the clap!"
In my teens I went out with a French guy who invited me home for dinner with his family one night. We had an absoultely delicious meal, but I think my digestion was completely shocked by foreign food, garlic and herbs etc (never got stuff like that at home). As soon as dinner was finished I developed TERRIBLE wind and let out a huge fart. I was mortified, everyone got the giggles and I just couldn't stop - it was like a trumpet solo that went on for about five minutes. They thought it was hysterically funny - I just wanted to die!
my dil called her gp uncle the other day ie. not Dr Smith but Uncle smith,she had gone for a smear too
Oh I love this thread, the image of absent mindedly stroking the old ladies perm has me in fits every time.
Mines not very funny, but I was waiting at a bus stop and a lady stopped and asked me if it was due, I answered "Oh I'm not pregnant", she replied "erm the bus" In my defence I had given birth a few months before and people were always assuming I was 6 months gone, double .
After my daughters Christening, we had a little get together at the house.
I was chatting in the kitchen, with a group of about 15 friends, and one friend of our was telling us of her forthcoming nuptuals and the idea she had of having an open fire with a whole pig on a spit.
To which i announced, to the whole room 'Oh i do love a good spit roast'
This doesn't really fit in, but I have just remembered it.
I lost 5 year old ds in marks and spencers. After a frantic couple of minutes that seemed ages, I found him sitting on a chair with two members of staff talking to him. I went tearing over, yelling, 'Jack!!'. He calmly said to his two new friends, 'That's not my mum.'
at sexy adulterous gingerbread men!
I was treating myself to a potter around the Brunswick Centre Waitrose in London [saddo emoticon] and my phone rang and it was my best friend who I hadn't seen in ages. The conversation went something like this
Her: hey gorgeous! I'm just on my lunch break - I'm in London all this week and wondered if you want to meet up? I have to get the train home at about 8, but I'm free from 6ish?
Me: Why don't you just stay at mine? We can have the whole night together
Her: Oh, that would be so lovely. Are you sure you don't mind? I'll eat before I arrive so you don't have to feed me
Me: Don't be silly, I'm shopping now. I'll grab us something and we can have a romantic meal together
Her: Won't your DP mind?
Me: Don't be silly, he can just sit and chat to us whilst we eat and then he can sleep downstairs. There's plenty of room in my bed for you.
All this seemed completely normal in my slightly overexcited brain because we hadn't seen each other in ages, and we are very close. I hung up, picked up my basket and carried on shopping. I then realised everyone in the aisle (all v smart women and nannies with toddlers) was staring at me, open mouthed at the idea that I had apparently just arranged an affair, to be conducted in front of my partner, in the middle of Waitrose. I swear some of them followed me to see what the romantic meal would be. It was stir fry and as a treat I got some gingerbread men - they thought I was even weirder after that.
Love this thread! Pea-ness, nine and the bus stop lift had me ROFL!
These are brilliantly reassuring that I'm not the only one! At a job interview, I was shown the office where I'd be working & introduced to a future colleague - this is P, she lives in the same town as you. P - "Oh, where about?" Me - nothing, silence - I couldn't remember where I lived (I couldn't for the life of me remember the name of my street). I was very nervous though - and I got the job. I think they felt sorry for me.
I greeted my prospective father-in-law for the first time by kissing him on the mouth...
My brother-in-law leaned in to greet his future mother-in-law and headbutted her...
I spent last night laughing my head off over these stories.
I love the twin story Stealth.
Despite what everything may suggest no I hadn't, but if this stupidity keeps up I fear I may become a permanent resident soon.
I have tears running down my face!
I have told this story before, hopefully not earlier on this thread, apologies if I have!
DH's dad (M) has a twin (R). A few years ago we were going to see him on the Saturday for his birthday. I popped in a few days before and MIL was wrapping a present. I asked who it was for and she said R.
"Oh, is it his birthday?"
I do stupid things constantly.
I'd booked a taxi to take me into town straight from work.
I was standing outside waiting for my taxi, and a taxi appeared. I went over and opened the door to find this rather posh looking gentleman sitting in the back. I didn't say a word, just stared at him for a few seconds then shut the door.
.I went around the corner, out of his sight, for a few minutes while I got over the embarrassment. I then went back into the forecourt and thought 'There's my taxi'
I went to it, opened the door again, to find the same gentleman sitting there glaring at me.
Again I didn't say a word, just looked at him in shock, and disbelief, then closed the door again.
I went back inside the building and 5 minutes later my taxi arrived. It pulled up and I thought thank god, and approached it. Opened it's door, to find that for the third time I'd opened the door of the taxi with that gentleman in it again.
This time I shut the door immediately and dived into my taxi.
He must have thought that I'd escaped from the local mental hospital.
I once arrived at a friend's house and her boyfriend (who I had never met before) answered the door.
"Oh hi! You must be Dave", I shrieked.
"Dave....? Er no, I'm Jamie", he replied.
Dave was her ex boyfriend. EX. And the new man had jealousy issues about the old man.
These are fantastic.
Good thing this thread is in Classics or I'd have to pay for its tombstone
I was once phoning a patient, and was leaving a message on his voice mail:
"Hi, it's Dr. Jacksmama calling, regarding your concern about x. If you'd like to ring me back, the best time to reach me is x o'clock. The number at the office is 604-514... errrr... 604-514-... ummmm... 604..."
I completely blanked at my own office phone number!!!! After four attempts, I blurted "I'm so sorry, I'm having a pregnancy-related brain freeze, I'm sure you have my office number."
He did eventually ring back, and was trying, but failing miserably, not to sound as amused as he was. I'm surprised he's been able to take me seriously since.
My thread is in classics <<preen>>
It is about twatishness
Oh I love the stolen van one Shandyleer
and Beautiful I nearly wet myself at your Christmas party story
I'm surprised your brother ever spoke to you again!!!
I remember the visiting midwife coming to see me when dd was a few days old. She quietly walked up the drive when I had my head in the car installing a new car seat and engrossed in getting it right.
She said 'hello'
'fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk' at a significant volume and nearly had a heart attack.
Oh she was well impressed by my mothering skills.
and today, I told dd's teacher he needed to bollock her if she missed homework.
He then told me she had to be told off for swearing in teh playground.
I should be locked up for ineptitude.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.