You know you have a toddler when...

(254 Posts)
Psammead Sun 27-Nov-11 07:40:46

You have to stop in the street when you see a bus for a quiet but rousing verse of 'The Wheels on the Bus'.

You accidentely bash the cat over the head, and then watch it for a few fretful seconds to see if it will burst into tears.

You have to resist the urge to clap and congratulate others on mundane achievements such as eating up all their din-dins.

You say din-dins.

You refer to yourself in the third person. This is the preserve of toddler-parents and psychopaths. This may or may not be a coincidence.

You decide that you prefer the skirting board coloured-in.

You automatically get excited and start pointing out the NeeNaw whenever you hear a siren. Even to your workmates.

Stickers seem vaguely fascinating but you're not sure why you are getting fascinated by your bosses post it notes.

CaptainMartinCrieff Sun 27-Nov-11 07:45:38

You're playing football at 5:30am.

Your shoulder is encrusted with bogeys.

Tee2072 Sun 27-Nov-11 07:50:40

You think 'well at least he's eating' when the chosen breakfast is Cheese Crackers, apple sauce, an apple and some pretzels.

Still think like that Tee. DD would eat scones or pancakes every day if she could.
She is closer to 11 than 10.

Sirzy Sun 27-Nov-11 08:07:08

7.30 seems like a lie in.

You happily walk around asda singing "wind the bobbin up" for the 50th time that hour.

BiscuitNibbler Sun 27-Nov-11 08:13:46

You are disappointed and apologetic when the level crossing is open and no trains are coming.

Sirzy I was going to say 0630 is a lie-in! confused

Your handbag contains a spare nappy, wipes, a colouring book and crayons but you realise you left your wallet at home.

Pursang Sun 27-Nov-11 08:50:47

When buying a new car your choice in entirely dictated by how big the boot is.

Pursang Sun 27-Nov-11 08:51:51

Shopping lists are frequently written in crayon.

PontyMython Sun 27-Nov-11 08:54:33

You find a helicopter in the washing machine.

You put on a shoe to find some Lego in it.

PontyMython Sun 27-Nov-11 08:55:29

You call each other mummy and daddy even when the DCs are in bed.

BikeRunSki Sun 27-Nov-11 08:57:30

There is a plastic spider in your pocket.

GeekLove Sun 27-Nov-11 09:00:03

You are overjoyed at the sight of a big pile of poo. When it is in th confines of a potty.

BoffinMum Sun 27-Nov-11 09:01:46

You sniff people's houses suspecting phantom poos behind chairs.

Nat38 Sun 27-Nov-11 09:03:55

There are hand prints all over the TV & all sorts of other places!!

MrsChemist Sun 27-Nov-11 09:05:07

Your sofa is stained with everything it possibly could be. Soy sauce cushion, anyone?

cantpooinpeace Sun 27-Nov-11 09:06:39

You're hand bag is full of bad behaviour bribes/keep them quiet toys.

cantpooinpeace Sun 27-Nov-11 09:07:07

Your handbag

zipzap Sun 27-Nov-11 09:18:06

You don't think there's anything strange in a request to have still-frozen peas on your chocolate spread sandwich. And then find yourself actively encouraging it as a handy way of getting more green veg and a bit of protein added to the usual breakfast fare.

You find yourself playing yellow car (being first person to shout out yellow car/van/lorry etc) whenever you see a yellow car anywhere when you are out.

You go all gooey when your little one says 'I luff ooo mummy. You my best friend. You can have Brian the bakugan [favourite toy] to play with if you want.' and you do take Brian. And play with him for just a little while before handing him back.

You find yourself asking your colleagues if they want any milky in their tea or coffee when doing the drinks run at work.

TheLastChocolate Sun 27-Nov-11 09:18:41

When you see a dog out in the street you have a huge urge to go, "Oh look, there's a woof woof dog".... even if the DC isn't with you blush

You wake up and go to bed humming, whistling or singing theme tunes of popular CBeebies shows.

Iggly Sun 27-Nov-11 09:19:50

Bottom of your handbag is full of dried pasta, clothes pegs and rice cakes. Cue embarrassment at work when pulling out a pen for a meeting hmm

You have several kids' toothbrushes in the hope that he'll let you use one of them to clean his teeth.

You have no qualms about bodily fluids, vomit, poo, wee - bring it on (ok only from said toddler).

You develop a sixth sense for danger 2 secs after entering a room for the first time.

SkiBumMum Sun 27-Nov-11 09:28:26

Killing myself laughing at these.

Getting to 5pm and realising you haven't been to the loo since you got up despite spending all day asking if LO wants a wee.

Quite liking cold coffee.

openerofjars Sun 27-Nov-11 09:30:45

You fear and suspect quiet.

AWimbaWay Sun 27-Nov-11 09:41:09

The mice don't bother invading the food cupboards, they're heartily feasting on the copious amounts stuffed under the sofa/radiator/sideboard.

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