Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

(245 Posts)
Honeydragon Fri 18-Nov-11 17:45:12

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

<sits in corner rocking>

SuePurblybiltbyElves Fri 18-Nov-11 18:06:47

YY. What if Squished Charlotte left her egg sac behind? Lots of little spiderlings, making a run for the light. Some may not make it. Some may go north confusedand no good can come of that.

Honeydragon Fri 18-Nov-11 18:07:14

I don't want spider babies!

Honeydragon Fri 18-Nov-11 18:07:50

oh god what if they pour out my eyeballs?

SuePurblybiltbyElves Fri 18-Nov-11 18:11:37

nooooo, that would never happen.

ears <nods>

SecretNutellaFix Fri 18-Nov-11 18:15:07

Oh dear Honey- you are having a bad day aren't you?

<manly pat on shoulder>

Honeydragon Fri 18-Nov-11 18:15:19

Sue

You truely are an example of why Mumsnet is simply the best place to go for help in your hour of need.

Surely if my lady bits killed Mum they'd kill the babies. It was a quite large one does that make it a boy <hopeful>

thunderboltsandlightning Fri 18-Nov-11 18:15:21

LOL that the thread title demonstrates the correct usage of literally.

SuePurblybiltbyElves Fri 18-Nov-11 18:16:01

Silly, girls are always bigger. Think Black Widow.

<polished Happy to Help badge>

MartyrStewart Fri 18-Nov-11 18:17:49

Girls are always bigger.

Brings a whole new meaning to 'checking for spiderlegs' grin

Incey mingey spider climbed up the muff
Down came the wee and washed the spider off

gringringringringringrin

Honeydragon Fri 18-Nov-11 18:19:47

<sticks badge where the sun shineth not>

Nutty, after 24 hours of being vomited on my various family members you'd think the Arachnids of the house would choose another fanjo to perish in hmm

MartyrStewart Fri 18-Nov-11 18:21:03

Little Miss Muff
Was wiping her Chuff
With a sheet of Velvet
A giant great spider
Was nesting inside her
So she screamed and tried to kill it.

grin

Psammead Fri 18-Nov-11 18:21:39

Oh, I clicked on this in a fury, all ready to point out that you did, in no way literally twat a spider to death.

I stand corrected grin

My deepest sympathies.

<snort>

Psammead Fri 18-Nov-11 18:22:36

Crying at the poetry grin

Fiderer Fri 18-Nov-11 18:23:11

You do realise there are scores of MNers now crossing their legs and refusing liquids.

Tomorrow's "Happy To Help" advice - UTIs. Sales of cranberry juice go stratospheric.

Ariesgirl Fri 18-Nov-11 18:23:29

Oh my good God <turns pale>

SuePurblybiltbyElves Fri 18-Nov-11 18:23:29

How's your pelvic floor? If you've been keeping up with the exercises, you should be able to expel any lingerers.

echt Fri 18-Nov-11 18:23:55

Was about to roll up my pedants' sleeves and go on about how people who say "literally" invariably go on to describe something figuratively.

However...hahahahahahahaha.

Just be glad you don't live here in Australia, that's all I can say.grin

Best thread title, after the one about the woman who told her husband his cock was small and now he wants a divorce.

echt Fri 18-Nov-11 18:24:36

Blast you, Psammead. You got there first.

Psammead Fri 18-Nov-11 18:25:07

It is fitting that the eulogy of the spider should take place on the web.

Honeydragon Fri 18-Nov-11 18:25:08

Oh great not only have I potentially got spiderbabies, I've got a thread title that is attractive to Pedants

<necks wine>

<am appreciating poetry, glad to see my trauma brings out all the artistes >

You could be a new MN superhero - Spiderfan!

Psammead Fri 18-Nov-11 18:28:03

I'm not a pedant! I'm just ped-curious.

I wonder how long it's been there? And was in it your knicks when you put them on this morning?

Spiderfans arch enemy - Dr Mooncup

Honeydragon Fri 18-Nov-11 18:30:11

Psammead I am trying very hard not to consider that question

Fiderer Good point if it happened to me it could happen to ANY Mnetter

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