Middle Ages Mumsnet

(419 Posts)
AnyFuleKno Sat 15-Jan-11 16:48:46

Dear mumsnet, mine husband hath broken his arm falling from atop the midden. How many leeches should I apply?

tabulahrasa Sat 15-Jan-11 17:01:00

thou should not ask for advice on yon interweb, get thee to an apothecary

catinthehat2 Sat 15-Jan-11 17:04:05

When my neighboures denounce me for wytchecrafte do you thynke I should opt for burning at ye stake or drowning in ye village ponde?

GoodChristianaRejoice Sat 15-Jan-11 17:06:12

Why doth my tithe go to the benefyts cheats when I cannot afford fine ale for my children?

Site stuffe;

Mistress Helen of Mumnete, I beseech ye to allow us plebians the use of a "burn her at the stake" emoticon in AIBU.

tabulahrasa Sat 15-Jan-11 17:25:39

catinthehat - that dependath upon whether thou hast indeed been a practioner of the black arts

if thou art a wytch, opt for burning as veryily it will maketh no difference whether thou art guilty or inocent

if thou art merely pondering the vindictive nature of thou neigboures and expect at some time hence to be falsely accused of fraternizing with the devil then choose to be drowned as at least thou will be vindicated by sinking and can expect a Christian burial

ivykaty44 Sat 15-Jan-11 17:27:09

whence we going to ya Inn for thus beer?

ivykaty44 Sat 15-Jan-11 17:28:50

tithe to benifits cheat - when why? I thought our tithe went to ye maiden who had theey bastard child until thus she did proclaim the father and now is payed by bastardy bond is thought not correct

AnyFuleKno Sat 15-Jan-11 17:32:34

what's for dinner?????

I shall scrape the mould 'pon this two day old bread, twill be most acceptable, om nom nom

catinthehat2 Sat 15-Jan-11 17:32:42

I freely admitte to ownynge severalle outte of controlle cattes.

I admitte to nothing else as Mistresse TAbulahrasa seemes alarmyngely well up on the legal & relygious backgrounde of certaine capitalle crimes. I wyll notte incryminate myselfe therefore.

I suspect she may be a troll from the Witchfynder General's office

<a lyttle bitte scared nowe>

Chil1234 Sat 15-Jan-11 17:33:00

I' faith, eschew the leeches for a poultice of horse dung, applied o'er the buttocks, so to release the malevolent humours that afflict thy husband so cruelly. And reduce the height of thy midden... 'tis monstrous tall.

tabulahrasa Sat 15-Jan-11 17:33:16

what art these benefyt cheats you speak of?

Tythes go to our feudal lord for him to spend in any way he sees fit - as is the proper order of things

children should not be given fine ale, but small beer - thou ist being confused by fine ale companies advice, small beer provides all the goodness children need

GentleOtter Sat 15-Jan-11 17:37:59

Style and Doth Thou Looketh Comely

Doth my arse looketh bigge in this? <twirleth>

General pustules and afflictions

I have a red rash and lumps, could it be plague?

sephrenia Sat 15-Jan-11 17:43:40

I be mightily worried for the chylde of a deare frende who may be tryinge to leade her chylde ynto the ways of the horned one.

Thys maye bee in parte due to beinge accused of wytchcrafte and foul sorcery herself (as well as thatte of namynge the chylde courtneye with a spellinge that doth notte existe in common usage) but I do wonder whether it woulde be of benefite to said chylde to make mention of courtneye to that agency of our Majestye that be concerned wyth alle matters social?

What saye ye Mumsnette?

My MIL is an olde crone. Shall I denounce her?

BibiBlocksberg Sat 15-Jan-11 17:46:16

grin Witch Bibi of Blocksberg hereby stateth her merry amusement with this fine topic grin

plupervert Sat 15-Jan-11 17:46:24

Alack! Mine child hath bitten the Eare of her Friende, and the Child's Mother doth now shun me at sundry Gatherings and Church.

In my place, What Wouldst Thou Do?

(To those who have bemoaned being blacked with the Name of Wytch: my Sisters! I Feare I may be with you soon, for verily this Mother hath also persuaded Others to cut their Eyes at me)

catinthehat2 Sat 15-Jan-11 17:48:44

Missbeehiving, do checke your resident ratte poulation for signes of fleas. I believe the plague is spredde by foul humours from these wicked animalcules of Beelzebub.

sephrenia Sat 15-Jan-11 17:49:45

Missbehiving - If thy MIL be an olde crone, it is faire and just that thou denounce her forthwith thatte we all be spared the curse that is most assuredly waiting to spill from her wytchlyke lips grin

If thou wouldst be patient, I wille return forthwith withe details of an agency thatte is renowned for wytchfinding and huntinge wink

plupervert Sat 15-Jan-11 17:50:01

Mistressbehive, for shame! Thy Husband's Mother hath the care of all the Familie in her Heart. Hast thou not respect? Mend fences, lest thy day as Matriarch Not Come (for thy Husband shalt not gainsay her authority, and his Father likewise).

tabulahrasa Sat 15-Jan-11 17:50:43

hast the biting childe been possessed? Thou should beateth her in the village square and request that the priest doth whip her soundly

that should cureth the childe

sephrenia Sat 15-Jan-11 17:58:38

Mine husband hath been of late, lookynge elsewhere for pleasure that doth not existe in thys household. Thys hath been said to hym yet he sayeth that were I notte a cuckold, he wouldst notte looketh atte the comely women who attendeth our most beloved church.

I wouldst notte lyke to aske hym to leaveth thys household butte feel thatte there may notte be any other path open to us. What then shouldst be mine next action?

I do thinketh thatte it may be of some use to have the goode reverend denounce hym from the pulpit butte am notte sure.

Help?

Portofino Sat 15-Jan-11 18:07:06

I worketh as a whet nurse at ye olde manor. AIBU to thinketh that my lord and master should notte keepst popping round to regardeth my norkage when my lady is occupied wyth her tapestry?

Saggyoldclothcatpuss Sat 15-Jan-11 18:11:18

cat and tab,
Knowest thee notte the ways of the witche fynder? If thou are denounced as a wytch, Master Hopkyns the witche fynder general will have thee swimmed in the village pond, and thou willest be hanged by the necke.
The foul crones haveth notte beene burned in thys fair isle for manye a yeare.
Dost thou thinkest that we abide stylle in the darke ages?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now