The silliest thing YOU have said during in labour/childbirth

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Me when i went into labour with ds1, I phoned my mum in tears telling her

"I'm not ready to do this yet, I don't want to do it today"

[PeppermintPatty]

Just out the blue I said

"I wouldn't go out with Robert Kilroy Silk if he was the last man on earth"

The midwife, DH and my mum all started laughing.

I was off my head on gas and air and had NO IDEA what I was talking about

[GentleOtter]

"Well I'm going home now as I've changed my mind"
Said at the 17th hour of a 23 hour labour.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

lol gentle you sound as bad as me.

with ds2 i said to the paramedics (after having him) right i need a coffee and a cigarette now ....i didn't get them though as dp abandoned me to go and get my mum and sister taking ds1 with him.....how evil there i was laid on my new bed with a new born gasping for a drink and naked lol

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

OOOoooowwwwwwwwwww this isn't natural!

[AnguaVonUberwald]

I said. "I want to go home, it doesn't hurt at home!"

To be fair, I was 8 cm dilated, on the maternity ward, with not midwife attention, and totally off my head with the pain!

[tattifer]

When I point my finger like this (pointed finger up in air) I want you all to be quiet. I can't concentrate with you all talking and I don't want to be rude but I may not have time to ask nicely next time.

Cool or what?!

[flamingobingo]

My wonderful midwife, who I love, kept saying to me, while I was in second stage with fourth baby, 'You need to remember to breath in as well as out, Flamingo, you're going to faint - breath in!'. Eventually, on a lovely, relaxed out-breath, I yelled 'FUCK OFF' at her. She just burst out laughing and said 'ok, I think we can safely assume baby is going to be born any minute now if she's swearing at me'

[gonaenodaethat]

"Hey dad, I bet you've never shagged a granny before - you'll probably be able to later"

[peggotty]

'Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' when the gas and air kicked in.

[Marthasmama]

'Well, I wouldn't want to be in Jude Law's shoes. Heh heh heh!' - The midwife and dh were both very confused as it was totally random. God bless gas & air!

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Lol Flaming,

my mum walked into delivery suite when i was having ds1 and said "how are you" I looked at her and said "you, you can go and phone your mum and tell her how stupid she is telling me not to scream it fucking hurts"

My nan had told me not to scream but to keep breathing and push when needed...

I did not expect my mum to go and call my nanny!!!!

[Habbibu]

In the midst of a contraction with dd1 I suddenly had a terrible desire to know who the youngest child in Malcolm in the Middle was - got to the end, and gasped the question out to DH. Thankfully he had both the presence of mind not to laugh and to know the answer!

[ilovesprouts]

i was on gas and air my dh ds dd and me mate was there and i said ooh this gas is better than having sex oops

[Ninkynork]

I had had pethidine with DD and was gibbering about apples. The red ones were better apparently. It was very important at the time that this was known.

Just gas and air with DS but DH insists I came out with completely new swear-word combinations. I feel very ashamed when I think about it because I never use the c-word and there I was yelling it in multiple permutations for the entire ward to hear

[flamingobingo]

Habbibu - what a sensible husband you have!

[pepperrabbit]

During a protracted 3rd stage I believe I actually said out loud, "I'm telling them I'm pushing, but I'm not really, ha ha ha"
Doh.

[SamJamsmum]

"I think it may be time to turn off the koala brothers"

(It was a homebirth and it was on up until about 15 minutes before baby arrived). I only minded during transition!

[Gorionine]

On gas and air here as well I kept on asking the MW if she really was the MW and how long she had been there!

[IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern]

Midwife pulling of my underwear to examine me while I sucked on the gas and air.
"ooh this is the first time another woman has ever pulled off my knickers" actually that whole labour experience was a laugh great midwife and student and my mum all cracking jokes.

[TheProvincialLady]

With DS1 I asked DH "Am I having a pedicure?". I was out of my mind on gas and air and pain though.

With DS2 I kept asking my doula "Am I doing it right?"

I do remember that about 5 minutes before DS2 was born (at home) I broke off mid contraction to tell DH that there was already some soya milk in DS1's bag so he could stop fussing and just let him go to my mum's house

[pavlovthepregnantcat]

i introduced my best friend to the miwive's as 'the surrogate mother' .

i meant in that she was there with me and dh instead of my mother who was ill. But I had a contraction and never got to explain it. When the midwife I told handed over to another one she very nervously told the other midwife 'this is the surrogate?' to which DH, BF and I burst into hysterical laughter and went very red in the face!!!

[Habbibu]

I know, flamingo. He clearly has a good survival instinct.

This is more sane - during dd2's birth, there was an anti-smoking ad on TV, saying "Are you thinking of getting pregnant", at which I yelled "DON'T!!!!" - midwife, consultant and DH all pissed themselves laughing.

[ClairesyLiz11]

With my 3rd and LAST baby, start to finish took 40 minutes............. I remember screaming "I WANT MY MUMMY!" slightly embarrassing as i'm 39!

[Marthasmama]

Tut tut Pepper - that's very naughty of you.