to not help her?

(377 Posts)
DorothyL Fri 09-Sep-16 22:41:08

Last year a colleague covered some hours at work for me (just a couple) so I could see my son's assembly at school. She has now asked me to return the favour but I have said no because it would mean I couldn't pick ds up from school and would have to ask dh to take time off to collect ds. Ds had sn which is why I can't just ask a friend to collect him. My colleague seems a bit put out and I have apologised, but I was hoping she'd be more understanding? I would happily help if I could do it without it affecting ds.

icelollycraving Fri 09-Sep-16 22:42:11

Is she asking as a one off?

Domino20 Fri 09-Sep-16 22:43:15

I understand your rationale but she is never going to do you a favour again.

DorothyL Fri 09-Sep-16 22:44:39

Yes a one off. I know I can never ask her again, but I really can't do it.

mineofuselessinformation Fri 09-Sep-16 22:45:11

Depends why she's asking, and if you are able to accommodate it.
In your shoes, I'd give her some time / dates that would work for you. You did ask her a favour, after all.

cankles Fri 09-Sep-16 22:45:17

YABU you shouldn't have asked for a favour if there was a strong likelihood you couldn't return it. Why didn't you just take some leave?

thebakerwithboobs Fri 09-Sep-16 22:45:27

I'm afraid you're burning your bridges with her. It's hardly life or death if your husband has to pick him up once and it'll mean at his next assembly you'll find yourself short of options.

MakeMyWineADouble Fri 09-Sep-16 22:46:22

It's hard I can see what you saying but she put herself out to help you if it was a one off I probably would do this for her. I too wouldn't expect any more favours from her or others to be honest but that's just what my workplace is like yours might be different

Thattimeofyearagain Fri 09-Sep-16 22:46:45

Oh, ok then, crack on.

Stylingwax Fri 09-Sep-16 22:46:51

I think if you ask for that kind of favour you need to be clear you'll never return it.

Ningnang2000 Fri 09-Sep-16 22:47:08

Sorry if I appear ignorant but what is sn and why does that mean a friend can do the pick up?

GoldFishFingerz Fri 09-Sep-16 22:47:09

You shouldn't have asked her to do you a favour.

why can't your DH leave work early?

neonrainbow Fri 09-Sep-16 22:47:31

You could do it, youre just being selfish.

silverduck Fri 09-Sep-16 22:47:52

Well, normally it's give and take isn't it? Is it impossible for your DH to take some leave? She won't help you out again, and she might tell others who won't then either.

PepsiPenguin Fri 09-Sep-16 22:49:26

If I asked a colleague can you do me a favour to cover hours for XYZ reason and found out that they would not be able to pick up their child at all from school and in order for them to be able to cover me for a favour I did for them once however long ago meant their husband then had to take time off work, if feel bloody awful that they felt beholdent to me to that extent.

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 09-Sep-16 22:51:50

Don't feel bad. She did you a favour but it doesn't mean you then have to comply with whatever she requests.

You don't owe her your immortal soul grin

DropYourSword Fri 09-Sep-16 22:52:24

There's a difference between really not being able to do something, and not wanting to do something. You're minimising the favour she did you (just a couple of hours) and not reciprocating. I don't think it's fair to ask a favour if you don't then return the courtesy.

Planty18 Fri 09-Sep-16 22:52:37

I think it is natural for her to ask you to do this as she did you exactly the same favour. I'm not hugely surprised that she's a bit put out, as she probably would have expected you to be happy to return the favour but I also don't think you're being unreasonable if there is no one else who can pick up your child for the reasons you've mentioned. A difficult situation.

DorothyL Fri 09-Sep-16 22:53:00

I am a teacher so needed cover and couldn't just take leave.

She wants help so that she can leave early to go away for the weekend.

For her to cover me she didn't need to do anything "extra", she was in school anyway and just had to sit with my group.

(Sorry for dripfeeding!)

icelollycraving Fri 09-Sep-16 22:53:58

You will have to take holiday next time,she won't be helping you out again.

Gardenbirds123 Fri 09-Sep-16 22:54:23

What dropyoursword said

Meadows76 Fri 09-Sep-16 22:59:39

Good god no YANBU. Just because she did you a favour a year ago doesn't mean you should be available ALWAYS just in case she decideds to call one in.

DorothyL Fri 09-Sep-16 22:59:48

I just feel it's not equivalent because she was in school anyway, she just spent her non-teaching time sitting with my group (that I had left work for) . I, however, would have to work on my son's emotions for days (he gets very stressed about change in routine, sn means special needs) and dh would have to take leave

user1473282350 Fri 09-Sep-16 22:59:59

Hang on, so for a period of time your school thinks it's ok to double on on the child per teacher ratio???

Surely this should be covered by a substitute.

DorothyL Fri 09-Sep-16 23:00:56

She was there but not teaching because her teaching group was on study leave

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