and unfair re pocket money/paying for activities during the school holidays?

(184 Posts)
Ellybellyboo Fri 29-Jul-16 11:04:08

I have 2 daughters - 1 is nearly 15, the other is 11.

DD1 and I are currently in discussion over the fairness of pocket/spending money and paying for activities during the school holidays.

DD1 gets some pocket money, I've bought her a bus pass for the holidays and I've said that I'm happy to pay for activities that she wants to do.

DD2 tends to get money as and when she needs it, plus she has some hobbies which we've booked and paid for some extras over the holidays (a water sports day/horse riding, etc).

DD1 has spent this weeks pocket money and not due the next lot until Monday but has asked if I can give her some money as she wants to go into town with her mates. I've said no. She has her bus pass, we have plenty of cans of coke/crisps/etc in the kitchen, help herself to that.

DD2 went horse riding yesterday plus I'm taking her and a friend to the cinema later so DD1 thinks I should give her the equivalent ££.

My argument is that I'm more than happy to pay for stuff like cinema tickets and activities that she wants to do, but I'm not handing out cash hand over fist to spend on chips and Starbucks in town

She obviously thinks I'm unfair, accusations that her sister is my favourite, etc, etc. but she seems to forget that she gets a set amount of pocket money, I've bought her a bus pass, plus I'll do stuff with her without DD2 (we're going for chocolate tapas next week while DD2 is at a friends house)

DD2's activities probably do cost a bit more, but there's absolutely nothing stopping DD1 from doing stuff

We're going round and round in circles and my head is about to explode

KinkyAfro Fri 29-Jul-16 11:10:23

I think you should be giving them the same amount regardless of what they are doing with it, it's only fair, or as DD1 is older, maybe a little more? I always got more than my younger brother

someonestolemynick Fri 29-Jul-16 11:11:43

I would offer her an advance on next week's money and encourage her to get a holiday job.

BITCAT Fri 29-Jul-16 11:13:10

Rules are rules. And if she has a set amount of pocket money and has spent it then I'm afraid she should have budgeted better. As adults you can not spend your money then complain we want more it just doesn't work like that. Now mine get set pocket money also but they can earn more by doing other stuff around the house. Perhaps encourage her to earn some extra spends. Not much mind because we don't have never ending pots of money. I don't think you are being unfair at all.

Jinglebells99 Fri 29-Jul-16 11:14:50

I think you are being unfair. No point giving her the money for a cinema ticket if she has no one to go with. If her friends are hanging around Starbucks drinking coffee that's where she's going to want to be. I would give her the same amount that you are for ring on your younger dd.

BITCAT Fri 29-Jul-16 11:16:01

Plus would the bus pass plus the pocket money be the same as you are paying for dd2 activities. Bus passes are not cheap, a weekly here costs around 15pound.

SamBlockB Fri 29-Jul-16 11:18:41

My 14 year olds rarely do things with me, shopping, the cinema is all done with friends now and I feel that they're less into organised activities at that age.

It really depends on how much her pocket money is, if it's enough to last her multiple trips out with friends then I wouldn't give her anymore but if it's low, I'd give her an advance.

BITCAT Fri 29-Jul-16 11:19:58

Jinglebells so by that reasoning...if her friends are going in shops shoplifting then that's where she will be is that OK too. You can't just say oh well if her friends are doing it then she should be allowed too. My daughters friends all go to a local nightclub but my daughter doesn't because I don't allow it, I don't think it is the right place for a 14 year old. It's moms money so she has every right to say when and where it's spent.

HereIAm20 Fri 29-Jul-16 11:20:26

I don't think it is automatically unfair to spend different amounts as no doubt when DD1 was 11 you spent similarly on her activities. I think what you are doing is right but for your own sanity maybe give her a little this once along with a talk about budgeting for the rest of the hols

NapQueen Fri 29-Jul-16 11:21:47

They both need treating fairly. Either they both get pocket money and nothing else and it's appropriate to their age, or they both get cash handed out willy nilly.

Dd2 is having a riding lessons paid for. Dd1 wants a portion of chips or a drink and is told no.

Why not just give one 15 quid a week and one 12? Spend it as they like. Dd1 gets a bus pass on top and dd2 gets lifts to and fro (or a bus pass too if she is old enough to travel alone on buses).

rollonthesummer Fri 29-Jul-16 11:22:47

If you are spending more on dd2's activities than you're giving dd1, then I'd bung her a bit extra.

pinkbraces Fri 29-Jul-16 11:25:19

I actually think you are missing a great opportunity to teach her how to budget. At that age my DD had a monthly allowance, from that she had to pay for non essential clothes, social activities and save up for birthday presents etc. She also earned money by babysitting, which was hers to keep. The only stipulation we had was that she had to save some.

I think you are being unfair, give her an amount and once its gone its gone. She will learn very quickly if she spends it all in Starbucks!

BITCAT Fri 29-Jul-16 11:26:16

I would be interested to know how much pocket money she gets. I never had pocket money. It's not a right it's a privilege to get pocket money. My 14 year old is quite happy to go cinema with me, shopping, meals out. She generally does a lot of things that don't cost much swimming going to the local park which is huge. She earns extra money for babysitting for her siblings and my nephew on occasions. She gets 5pound per week. And extras on top as in I pay for cinema tickets food etc

BITCAT Fri 29-Jul-16 11:29:35

And she's extremely appreciative of it too.

BertrandRussell Fri 29-Jul-16 11:38:19

It depends really. Does the money you're spending on dd2 add up to lots more than dd1's pocket money? If so then that's unfair- particularly as she is so much older.

d270r0 Fri 29-Jul-16 11:40:03

I would also be encouraging her to get a job. At that age I had a paper round, and got a Saturday job at a health food store once I was 16. Also did babysitting from the age of 15. I don't think she should just be handed money as she needs it, give a set amount of pocket money to both girls. One thing you could do is up the amount DD1 is getting but make it include all clothes, activities with friends etc. (I'd still pay for anything you do as a family or school relted though). If its not enough for her she needs to think about a job to supplement it, in fact I think thats important to start teaching the value of money about now.
Another possibility is to allow them both to earn extra by doing extra jobs around the home, not stuff they are supposed to anyway, but other things such as washing the car, mowing the lawn. But I wouldn't pay too much for it- less than minimum wage- its only jobs around their own home and they are not yet 18!

bitemyshinymetalass Fri 29-Jul-16 11:42:25

I think you should be giving them the same amount regardless of what they are doing with it, it's only fair

Thats just silly. The younger one is getting riding lessons, what if the older one is actually drinking cheap cider in the park? Give them more money, so they can do what they like? No thanks! And even if its "just" chips and sugary drinks etc, why should OP have to buy all that just because the other one does activities? Older one could have the activities too, but chooses not to. So tough luck.

bitemyshinymetalass Fri 29-Jul-16 11:43:44

There is also the point that older DD probably had all the activities when she was 11, so she has already been treated fairly, as long as younger one is treated the same when she gets older.

BertrandRussell Fri 29-Jul-16 11:46:32

Oh it makes me cross when people tslk about 15 year olds "getting jobs". Where? How?

bitemyshinymetalass Fri 29-Jul-16 11:46:58

15 year olds don't babysit anymore?

d270r0 Fri 29-Jul-16 11:49:02

And I pointed out paper rounds? Or is that no longer allowed for 15 year olds

Standingonmytippytoes Fri 29-Jul-16 11:49:11

But going into town is her activity. It's where I spent most of my teenage years. Mum usually gave me a fiver for the day. It's where her mates are if she's not there she's going to be left out of the plans.

CheeseCakeSunflowers Fri 29-Jul-16 11:50:02

Is there a job she could do for you to earn some extra money, housework. lawnmowing, car washing etc.

bitemyshinymetalass Fri 29-Jul-16 11:50:05

But not at activity OP wants to pay for, when the pocket money is already spent.

icy121 Fri 29-Jul-16 11:50:15

She's 14, whatever you do will be SO unfair and embarrassing and pathetic. You're not a cashpoint for frappuccinos. Tell her to earn money if she wants it - put flyers thru all the neighbours letterboxes offering to put their bins out & away again when they're on holiday for a couple of quid currently wishing an enterprising kid round here would offer that service as but no the little shits seem awash with parents cash

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