not to let DS sleep with his girlfriend in our house..yet.. but when?

[Doingmybestmum]

DS is 17 and so is his girlfriend (who is v lovely). She stayed over a while ago and he ended up in her bed - I don't think anything happened but I wasn't best pleased. They have been together for 2 weeks. AIBU and old fashioned? When is enough time passed? Any thoughts would be gratefully received... thanks.

He's 17.....

Come on, they've been fucking like rabbits ever since they got together, and did under your roof. He's 17, not 14.

I don't think you can dictate to your son how long he should wait before sleeping with someone. I would tread with caution, this could be your future dil

As long as they are 'discrete' and respectful to everyone else in the house I don't see an issue with them sharing a room. They are 17, if they are having sex (as they are legal to do, of course), they will have it regardless of your house rules. Sorry, I think you're being a bit unreasonable and old fashioned.

Yeah I think at 17 you need to let this one go.

Does she live at home still? As long as her parents are ok with it (call them, check) then I would say anytime from now is fine.

YANBU. My ds ( almost 17yr) has a girlfriend who he has been with for almost a year. At first he stayed mainly at hers, and gradually she started staying at ours as well ( although not often) although I was a bit apprehensive as we have younger dc's wheras his gf is an only child. They have gone away at the moment with her parents. To be honest I don't really think they are up to much when they stay together ( i may be wrong !!). My younger dc's don't really mention it, except my 10yr old dd who asks if her brother is having a sleepover tonight !!

Oh good lord, please don't call a 17 year old's parents to discuss if they are ok with this!! She's not a little girl on a sleepover asking what snacks she might like . How embarrassing that would be for everyone (especially her)...

I don't think you can dictate to your son how long he should wait before sleeping with someone.

She would be wrong to do that, but she can certainly set ground rules on what happens in her house.

I do tend to agree with the poster who suggested they may have already DTD. What makes you think they haven't??

Any time qualification for having sex would be, as you acknowledge yourself, completely arbitrary. Let them get on with it. (Oh to be 17 again!)

I wouldn't be comfortable with this, after only 2 weeks?!

But then when I was nineteen and had a boyfriend it was only when we got engaged were we officially allowed to share a bed. I say officially because we were pretending to sleep separately until that point.

I don't think there's a right time per se but surely if there was it's a bit longer than two weeks? That's very little time.

2 weeks? Is this a typo?

chit some decorum please.
Honestly,l really think some posters forget they are communicating with actual humans

Oh good lord, please don't call a 17 year old's parents to discuss if they are ok with this!! She's not a little girl on a sleepover asking what snacks she might like confused. How embarrassing that would be for everyone (especially her)...

There are other good reasons not to do this. His girlfriend may have lied to her family and told them she's staying over at a pal's.

There are still some families, even today, who would kick seven shades of shite make life very difficult for daughters - never sons - engaging in pre marital sex.

I've had this from both sides (19 year old DD, 24 year old DS)
My rule was always that BF/GF's could stay over when they have been together for 6 months because I didn't want a succession of flash in the pan boyfriends/girlfriends on the landing of a morning.

It worked well for us. Neither actually asked for a partner to stay over until they were about 17 anyway and by that point they had both been with their other halves for a decent amount of time.

My parents were VERY old fashioned like that, as a result I was very guarded over my relationships.

edmund really?? You don't have to discuss it- just say, X is planning on staying over in Y's room- are you ok with that?

I would expect another parent to give me a head's up if this is what was happening with my child. 17 is still in full time education/apprenticeship and living at home. You're still a child. No discussion needed, just sharing of information.

My dd is 17 and her bf stays here frequently but they have been together lot longer than 2 weeks. Also I wouldn't know if anything happened. Dd is well aware of contraception etc so as long as they are discreet I don't mind

when they are married

My parents were VERY old fashioned like that, as a result I was very guarded over my relationships.

Your parents like a pair of right-on emancipationists to me.

I was firmly told by my God fearing mama that there would be no sharing of any boudoirs in the familial home before marriage. THE END.

I would never even have thought to ask, so absolutely was this impressed on me.

It would be 18 for me. Adults ok, children not ok

at the suggestion of ringing her parents.

Obviously it's a bad idea.

The super-shortness of the relationship would bother me a bit (unless they were already close friends) but otherwise, there's nothing wrong with it. 17 is ok. And definitely don't call her parents.