To tell them to fuck off?

(255 Posts)
DisappointedOne Thu 24-Sep-15 20:43:46

One of my SILs got pregnant shortly before DD was born. As DD started growing out of things, we lent them to BIL and SIL for their baby (they live 300 miles away, as do the rest of that side of the family). We thought they'd use the stuff and then return it, but then another SIL got pregnant and the stuff got passed on with no mention to us to them. Then the first SIL got pregnant again, so they got passed back, and then the other one so they went back again. Then the last brother's girlfriend got pregnant so it all got passed on to them - again with no mention to us. So rather than being used for 1 more baby and returned they were used for 5 more in 2 years. We did ask for them back, but they were constantly in use. When we did eventually get things back, they hadn't been cleaned and some things had torn/ripped, which meant that I had to spend quite a long time fixing them before they got put away.

Got a text from SIL 1 last night asking if we still have some of the things. Yep, she's pregnant again. I'm sick of subsidising a family that only ever take from us. WIBU to tell them to fuck off and stick them on ebay?

PingpongDingDong Thu 24-Sep-15 20:49:29

Do you have another baby? I get that many people ask if they ought to return clothes or may pass them on but I never expected that. I honestly would think it was brilliant that people had got so much use out of one set of clothes.

NewNameNotTheSame Thu 24-Sep-15 20:52:01

Jesus, can't say they haven't had their moneys worth! YANBU at all, say everything was ruined and you've binned or donated. Cheeky mares.

Spartans Thu 24-Sep-15 20:52:53

So you don't want to use them yourself? Then Yabu.

When I give people baby clothes I would never expect them back, but I understand some people do, if they need them again.

Are you annoyed she is oh? Because I can't see the issue here.

Oysterbabe Thu 24-Sep-15 20:54:45

Did you say you wanted them back when you gave them?

janethegirl2 Thu 24-Sep-15 20:55:40

If I pass something on to someone on the understanding they will use it and return it, I don't expect them and x number of others to use it before it is returned to me.

DisappointedOne Thu 24-Sep-15 20:55:50

It wasn't just clothes (they got lost by the first SIL). It was bouncy chair, car seat and bases, hammock, feeding cushion, baby nest, jumperoo, baby carriers..........

SlowlyGoingINSAINIA Thu 24-Sep-15 20:56:04

I find the idea of lending baby clothes bizarre, why not just give them?

The lesson from stories like this on here is that, if you lend something and want it back when the other person has finished with it, you have to make this absolutely crystal clear - most people think they can trust family and friends, and some are proved wrong.

BackInTheRealWorld Thu 24-Sep-15 20:59:59

Yabu to lend it out, just pass it on or keep it. Stuff gets puked on, food and poo smeared. To assume second and third hand stuff wnot get wrecked is naive at the least.

BrideOfWankenstein Thu 24-Sep-15 21:01:51

Surely you can't use carseat after so long? I thought they have expiry date.

Sleepybunny Thu 24-Sep-15 21:02:23

I'd be a bit peeved if i'd asked for something I'd lent to someone back and they didn't return it.

But baby things i wouldn't expect back, especially if I didn't have another baby that could use it.

In I think in your case I'd be pleased the things had been so well used!

Is there more to this? Is SIL a bit entitled normally?

OneDay103 Thu 24-Sep-15 21:02:40

It's been around the world and then some, why on earth would you even want them back. If you haven't clearly stated that you want them back when you have it then yabu.

SlatternLikesToRest Thu 24-Sep-15 21:03:08

Whenever I gave anything away - I gave it away, and did not expect it to be consulted about what happened to it next. If I heard that stuff got passed on to more family I would be genuinely pleased.

If you anticipated having more children you shouldn't have given the items over.

Also, if you knew the stuff was being passed around and were not happy about it, why didn't you say something? Why not ask for the stuff back before it was ruined?

sproketmx Thu 24-Sep-15 21:05:48

I keep everything I want to use for mine and sell everything I don't (horrible preppy bode stuff from mil) but I'm not done adding to our lot yet. Tell them to fuck off I say

arethereanyleftatall Thu 24-Sep-15 21:05:48

Do you need it back because you're pregnant or planning another baby?

DisappointedOne Thu 24-Sep-15 21:08:57

We didn't know it was being passed around. We only found one it when we went up there to visit. Asking for it back while in use seemed petty, I suppose. They knew it was expected back (it cost us hundreds and hundreds of ££s and they're none of them short of a few bob themselves) but next pregnancy would be announced and over it would all go like some family resource.

No, no other children here, but that's because we don't know if we want more. Not unreasonable to keep our things for potential future children, however low the odds of having them.

And car seats have a shelf life of around 5 years. DD is only just turning 5. Youngest niece at this point is 2.

Bogeyface Thu 24-Sep-15 21:09:47

Why does it matter why the OP wants it back?

It was hers, it was loaned and not returned, I would be pissed off too.

Tell them that what hasnt been ruined or lost has been sold, and make a point of saying ruined/lost.

DisappointedOne Thu 24-Sep-15 21:10:22

It came back dirty, covered in dog and cat hair, torn (hammock can't be used with torn fabric so I had to fix it). I think it's pretty selfish to just assume stuff is okay to be passed on without limits.

janethegirl2 Thu 24-Sep-15 21:13:59

In your situation OP I'd never lend your family anything you think you may ever want to use it again!

DisappointedOne Thu 24-Sep-15 21:15:27

It's DH's family, but thank you!

janethegirl2 Thu 24-Sep-15 21:19:56

Ok don't lend to anyone if you want it back EVER!

Hackedabove Thu 24-Sep-15 21:20:41

It's frustrating but unfortunately best not to lend anything you're not prepared to give away.

I had clothes off a friend who I tried to give back. But lost track of what was hers, would have been better not to take at all since I couldn't guarantee she would get them back in a useable state, if at all.

I get a bit fed up giving stuff to my SILs when it's cost us a fortune and we hardly even get a thank you. One has her eye on my car seats, I'd rather give them to my MIL who will use them for grandchildren and is thankful.

Hackedabove Thu 24-Sep-15 21:21:52

I should learn how to eBay and then at least I would get a bit of money for the equipment.

Hackedabove Thu 24-Sep-15 21:31:30

When you marry DH's family become your family...

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