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To report my husband to social services warning distressing content

(195 Posts)

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Arnie123 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:50:19

My son is 2 and at weekend I noticed a V shape red mark on the front of his neck. The shape of the v was a perfect match for his sweatshirt and I could see instantly what had happened is my son had been picked up by the back of the sweatshirt and lifted in the air. The mark was still present but less so on Sunday and by Monday had gone. He admitted the incident and there were no mitigating circumstances eg he was running into the road and he grabbed him for safety reasons. As he is blind I surreptitiously recorded the conversation for evidence. He has told me he is sorry and it is an isolated incident. Over the weekend I was in a state of shock so did not report him but monitored his contact with my son. Now it has sunk in I feel I need to get the locks changed today and call the ss it will mean the end of our marriage but I regard what has happened as very serious and need to put my son first. Please no sarky or nasty comments I am incredibly distressed right now and need support not criticism

FrigginRexManningDay Tue 10-Sep-13 10:52:59

I think you absolutely have to protect your son. He must have done it for some time to leave a lingering red mark.

Have you taken a photo of the mark? So sorry that this has happened, by the way- you are right that you need to put your son first.

DropYourSword Tue 10-Sep-13 10:54:32

I think you might get some full-on responses here.

I would want to know from him WHY he did itand what actually happened. If you're partner had no previous form for violence was this a complete one off incidence? Does your DH need to learn some coping strategies.
I don't know that contacting SS is the best idea.

IvanaCake Tue 10-Sep-13 10:55:48

I think you're massively over reacting unless there's a back story.

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly Tue 10-Sep-13 10:56:13

Your husband is blind, and you secretly record him and are talking about locking him out of his house and calling social services as a first point of call?
Really?

Seaweedy Tue 10-Sep-13 10:56:14

Did you ask him what actually happened, and why he did this? I know less than nothing about being blind and parenting a two-year-old, but is it possible that it was an accident, or some situation in which he thought the child was in danger, panicked and grabbed him in this way?

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly Tue 10-Sep-13 10:57:03

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OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly Tue 10-Sep-13 10:57:03

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If there's no back story or history of violence why would you phone the SS on your husband? He said he stopped him from running into the road

Florin Tue 10-Sep-13 10:57:39

Surely if he was running into the road and he grabbed him then that is fair enough better a mark that faded after 2 days then him being dead squashed under a car. There have been times when to save my sons life to stop him from doing something life threatening I have had to grab him reasonably roughly not our of crossness but in an emergency to save him. Am I missing something as I really don't understand why you are so shocked.

I think you misunderstand- OP said there were NO mitigating circumstances such as grabbing him to stop him running into the road.

FrigginRexManningDay Tue 10-Sep-13 10:59:19

Op said there was no mitigating factors,ie its not like he was running into the road.

What was his explanation for doing it? If he is blind, did he somehow not realise how bad it was?

Do you have other concerns about him?

You absolutely need to protect your son so do call them if you think there is the slightest chance of your son being hurt again.

Writerwannabe83 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:59:37

What explanation did your husband give?

And I don't mean this in a horrible way at all, but if he is blind is he able to supervise a child so young on his own?

IvanaCake Tue 10-Sep-13 10:59:41

He wasn't running into the road. OP was using that as an example of when it might be acceptable to lift him by his top.

Arnie123 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:59:43

His parenting skills are lazy at best. I work long hours and often come back to him in wet trousers as his nappy has not been changes and he appears to live off a mainly pie a d chips diet. He is plonked in front of the tv most of the day although he does get taken to the park every morning and I have never seen him actually get down on the floor and play with my son. He has never verbally abused him or have I ever witnessed an incident of assault before

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly Tue 10-Sep-13 11:00:50

And he's blind?

Seabright Tue 10-Sep-13 11:00:50

He wasn't running into the road - OP used that as an example of what DIDN'T happen.

OP: did he give a reason for doing it? Game gone wrong? Fit of temper?

Unexpected Tue 10-Sep-13 11:00:53

If this is a one-off incident, then I think you are over-reacting. What exactly did he say the circumstances of him grabbing your ds were? If he is blind, it must be difficult for him to e.g. know exactly when his hand is going to come into contact with your son if he is trying to hold him, pick him up etc? I am also confused by your talk of mitigating circumstances being e.g. if your son was running into the road and your dh tried to stop him? How would he do that if is blind?

Mixxy Tue 10-Sep-13 11:00:55

Wait, wait a second. Who is blind? DH or DS?

Mumsyblouse Tue 10-Sep-13 11:01:21

Surely it is possible, given being blind, that your husband pulled at your son's sweatshirt and inadvertently hurt him. That doesn't make it right, but we have all reached out and pulled our kids back from something which has then hurt them, I certainly have, I once left fingernails- it was a running in the road incident but equally I've moved mine/put them firmly in their bedroom, if they are wriggling, they may get hurt.

Are there other reasons or incidents which make you think he is deliberately hurting your child in a severe way, or could it be the normal bumps and scrapes and pulling of a child who may be a wriggly toddler and a dad who can't see?

I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

Yonihadtoask Tue 10-Sep-13 11:02:48

I am confused too.

Who is blind?

Unexpected Tue 10-Sep-13 11:02:51

The DH is blind, that's how the OP recorded the conversation without his knowledge.

FrigginRexManningDay Tue 10-Sep-13 11:03:23

Aw the wee pet in wet clothes,he must be so uncomfortable.
WriterWannabe83 blind doesn't mean you can't be a good parent.

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