to feel snubbed by lack of invitation?

[IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove]

It's a good friend's hen do in a couple of weeks' time. It'll cost me around £200 to attend (a LOT of money for me!).

Out of the twelve or so people invited to the hen, two of us aren't invited to the wedding reception. On the email list to organise the hen, they're all discussing what they're wearing for the wedding (I think only I and the other woman know that we're not invited).

Over the past year or so I've helped my friend and her fiancee out a few times when they've been stuck and seem to be a bit of a first-port-of-call for them. We've known each other for about five years.

For the reception, they've hired a hall and a DJ, so numbers aren't overly-restricted.

So am I being over-sensitive, or is this a snub?

[IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove]

BTW, my friend requested that I and the other lady are invited to the hen, and has asked us for money to spend on her honeymoon, rather than presents. I presume this is what she's told everyone else too.

[LemonPeel]

snub - dont go. Spoil yourself instead.

How can she expect you to pay up for the hen, when you won't be going to the wedding. Cheeky cah

[grograg]

Why would she ask you for a present if you arnt invited? Are you sure your not invited?

[IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove]

Thanks both. The other woman feels as though it's a snub and is probably more upset than I am. They've been friends for longer and are ex-colleagues.

The thing is I have to pay now whether I go or not as I initially said I'd attend when they booked it, so I may as well go along with it.

Perhaps I should hold back on the honeymoon spends gift though.

[nancy10]

I wouldn't go either and I only buy gifts/give money if I'm invited to the wedding or the reception!

[bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe]

Of course you shouldn't go! Politely decline the invitation - no explanation necessary. Send a card for the wedding day. Retain your dignity.

God, some of the weddingzilla stories I read about on this site are shocking!

[gethelp]

Sorry, a good friend? How is she a good friend? She is a BAD friend!

[JamieComeHome]

I wouldn't go.

Can't tell if it's a snub or just really thoughtless.

I'd send a smallish present as a goodwill gesture, to show you are a better person.

[IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove]

Yes, I'm sure we're not invited. She was telling us who was left to RSVP and we weren't on the list. Definitely not invited.

[jasminerice]

She's not your 'friend' really is she? If she was, she would have invited you to the wedding reception.

[oldraver]

Shes asked you for a present cash but isnt inviting you to her wedding ?? Cheeeky blimmin mare. Where do people get their cheek form these days

[Monty27]

Are you sure there isn't a misunderstanding about not being invited?

Anyhoo, I wouldn't be spending that amount of money on a hen night, particularly if I wasn't going to the wedding.

[JamieComeHome]

or a card would so, but a nice one. Maybe with WHSmith voucher inside

[slavetofilofax]

You think she's a good friend, she disagrees. Otherwise you would be invited to the wedding.

Don't go to the hen night, there is always a chance that you were only invited to make up numbers.

I have just been invited to the hen night of a friend I haven't seen for years, and I'm fairly certain that it's just because she wants more people to go.

There is no way I would be wasting £200 on a hen night if I wasn't even invited to the wedding.

[storminabuttercup]

Hen do invite but no wedding invite isn't very nice at all, but to request a present too, that's just bloody cheeky!

Op are you sure you aren't invited??

[TheQueenOfDeDead]

If you are sure that you are not invited (no lost invite etc) then I would suggest a short email saying

"Dear X, thank you for the kind invite to your hen do, as I am not invited to the wedding I would feel rather awkward attending an event celebrating the same and therefore I will decline. Wishing you and MrX to be best wishes for the future. Love IGTOTYL"

Copy it in to all the other attendees so that everyone else realsies what an odd woman she is.

[IveGotTightsOlderThanYouLove]

Yes, you're all right. I suppose I thought she was a friend, but isn't really. With hindsight, it is a bit of a one-sided relationship, but I suppose I don't mind helping someone out. I now do begrudge the constant conversation about the wedding plans which has been the only topic for the past few months.

Oh well, I'll enjoy the hen and then perhaps 'move away' from the friendship after that.

[worraliberty]

She's asking you for money

She expects you to make up the numbers on her Hen Night

She hasn't bothered to invite you to her wedding?

There's one born every minute! No way would I bother with it.

[CheeseandGherkins]

I wouldn't go and sod paying either. If she can't be bothered inviting you to her wedding and still expects a present then she's no friend. I wouldn't go and I'd make it quite clear why. If you do go, don't take a present.

[caramelwaffle]

It's a snub. Spend the £200 on yourself.

Perhaps you and the other lady could take yourselves off for an away day, or a spa trip.

[ShroudOfHamsters]

How rude!!!!

Did you assume you'd also be coming to the wedding when they booked it? Because if the booking was done before the invites were handed out, I'd have no moral problem in saying I now sadly couldn't make it.