Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go straight to the Head about my concerns about HER?

183 replies

thedollyridesout · 10/09/2010 20:49

DD has had a great first week at middle school, until this afternoon anyway. She came home off the bus very upset having been 'told off' by the Headmistress - let's call her Mrs Smith.

DD said that Mrs Smith shouted at her for pulling a face at a boy who got up and changed seats rather than have DD sit next to him. DD was not aware that she had done this until Mrs Smith bellowed at her something along the lines of 'you do not do that to another person young lady'.

DD was confused and mortified in equal measure. She feels that Mrs Smith was wrong to have spoken to her that way and the whole incident has tarnished her experience of her new school.

She can take very little pleasure in being Star of the Week or in breaking the Y5 long jump record and she certainly won't be striving for an award from the Headmistress. She would however accept an apology.

So am I mad to go and speak to the Headmistress about this? I would really appreciate some advice on how to handle things.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 10/09/2010 20:50

I would leave it. She'll get over it.

pinkthechaffinch · 10/09/2010 20:51

I'd let it go tbh and encourage your dd not to be over sensitive.

It really doesn't sound that bad.

fuschiagroan · 10/09/2010 20:52

Um, I guess the HT's reaction was a little harsh, but teachers do have to be tough in the first weeks otherwise they get a lot more behavioural problems in the long run. ALl that happened was that your DD got told off. I think you will look a bit silly if you make a fuss about that.

"She can take very little pleasure in being Star of the Week or in breaking the Y5 long jump record and she certainly won't be striving for an award from the Headmistress." I hope you don't mind me saying so, but that makes her sound a little sensitive. It was one incident. I would be encouraging her to stop thinking about it and be more positive. I doubt very much you would get an apology even if you did reaise it with the HT.

LynetteScavo · 10/09/2010 20:53

Lave it.

CupCakesWithBellsOn · 10/09/2010 20:53

your dd sounds like a bit of a spoilt brat tbh.

i'm sure she'll live HmmWink

missldi · 10/09/2010 20:56

As a teacher myself, I would advise you to let it go, otherwise your DD will be known in the staffroom as the one with the fussy mother...

KurriKurri · 10/09/2010 20:57

I would say pick your battles, if you complain about every incident, if something important happens - bullying perhaps, or an academic problem, - you will have already gained a reputation as an over reactor, and are less likely to be taken seriously.

Sometimes children get told off unfairly, it's just one of those things, a minor injustice. I would encourage you DD to take pleasure in her achievements, and forget about the incident.

durga · 10/09/2010 20:59

Let it go. I don't see how your dd could not be aware of pulling a face at someone.

LynetteScavo · 10/09/2010 21:00

oh, I seamed to have acquired an east end accent!

Ingles2 · 10/09/2010 21:02

don't be daft!
Hmm

Ingles2 · 10/09/2010 21:05

not you lynette... Grin
you have developed a sarf landon accent

greentriangle · 10/09/2010 21:06

Don't go to the head about it. It will make everything far worse - currently it is not bad at all.

Tell your DD to forget about it and explain to her that teachers must keep order etc and sometimes that means using a haughty tone or not necessarily telling the right person off.

Greensleeves · 10/09/2010 21:09

I think it's a bit much to be calling OP's dd a spoilt brat

is it possible that she was already a bit upset about this boy getting up and leaving rather than sit with her, and to be shouted at for it as well, and by the Head, was really distressing?

Being told off by the Head on your first day in a new school is pretty big for a child IMO

not saying OP SHOULD go in and complain, but a bit of empathy for the child might be in order!

Original poster
thedollyridesout · 10/09/2010 21:10

DD is not over sensitive but she is sensitive to being treated respectfully - or not. Why should she have to put up with bullish behaviour from a person whom she would prefer to respect. As a teacher myself I would never belittle a child under any circumstances. I don't think she will get over it, I think that she will find the school to be lacking because of this. She is a model pupil who is always very courteous and respectful to others. She is not spoilt, she just knows wrong from right.

Apparently there was another issue earlier in the day when she was 'told off' for pushing away the hand of a boy who was nipping her. She felt humiliated then too.

OP posts:
activate · 10/09/2010 21:11

yes - if you let a ticking off get to you and have you storming into school you aren't going to get through secondary school

she needs to learn to let it go - get over it

activate · 10/09/2010 21:12

pulling a face at another kid is not a model pupil - it's a normal child

if you want to helicopter parent and be the one tht the staff tutt about go for it - but you'll be doing your child no favours making it a big deal

fuschiagroan · 10/09/2010 21:12

It wasn't particularly bullish behaviour. You sound a bit oversensitive too...

Shaz10 · 10/09/2010 21:13

One thing I often have to remind pupils is that if you retaliate, you're more likely to get caught. The teacher has sensed something going on, her attention is already on her way to where you are, and is then more likely to spot the hit/face pull etc. In school, in life. How many court reports do you read when someone else 'started it'? It's sad but true.

If this boy is upsetting her, talk to the teacher. :)

Mutt · 10/09/2010 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hocuspontas · 10/09/2010 21:15

Remember you only have one version of these incidents...

DinahRod · 10/09/2010 21:15

Grin "She can take very little pleasure in being Star of the Week or in breaking the Y5 long jump record and she certainly won't be striving for an award from the Headmistress. She would however accept an apology." Grin

That's just daft

undercovamutha · 10/09/2010 21:15

Leave it. In my DDs school the headteacher is very strict, almost in a kind of panto way IYSWIM.

DD talks about him in hushed tones (she's only in reception). She says things like 'Mr X's voice is as loud as a lion', and 'You must never make Mr X cross by being naughty - he is everyone's boss!'.

Minxie1977 · 10/09/2010 21:17

'She would however accept an apology' - that's very kind of her Hmm

What the majority said Biscuit

PatriciaHolm · 10/09/2010 21:19

"She would however accept an apology" - what? You are seriously expecting a headteacher to apologise to a, what, 8 year old for telling her off for pulling a face?!!

There are 2 basic scenarios here; either -

  • your DD didn't intentionally pull a face, maybe she looked a bit askance, and the HT just thought she was being rude; in which case the HT overreacted somewhat, but it's something you should both shrug off as an unfortunate incident.

-your DD did pull a face, and doesn't want to admit it to you; in which case the HT should pull her up on it, though to bellow at her would seem a little OTT - although again, you only have DD's word on that, the HT may just have raised her voice a little to ensure DD heard.

Leave it. To raise it will make you look like an overprotective loon.

brassband · 10/09/2010 21:20

'As a teacher myself, I would advise you to let it go, otherwise your DD will be known in the staffroom as the one with the fussy mother'
lol It always makes me laugh when teachers post things advising parents what not to do lest they become the subject of staff room gossip.They have very high opinions of themselves if they think parents give a stuff what staff think/say about them.