to lie to work

[cherrycakesparkle]

I go back to work in 3 weeks - 8 till 2 daily. Wish I didn't have to, but I do. A conference has been planned for 2 weeks after that, for the whole team from around the UK. I will have to get up at 3am to leave and would not be back till 11pm that night.

DS is breastfed and pretty full on still. He will be ok at nursery I think with expressed milk but very dependent on me to be fed to sleep and fed through the night. I think he would be distraught to wake up in the night and for me not to be there, also to go to bed with me not there. Sorry if I sound precious, I'm not trying to be.

If I explain this to work I think they will just say, tough, you need to come.

Would IBU to tell a lie and say that I have a hospital appointment on that day that can't be moved? I don't like lying (who does) but to me it's better than leaving DS all day and thinking of him crying and needing me. The conference is just a get together and I can do my job without attending.

[Rockbird]

Can they make you go if your contracted hours are 8-2? My work have also organised a week of bollocks conference and are asking me to go in the two days I don't work, but I can say no.

[Altaira]

I would lie in your situation and wouldn't think twice about it.

HTH

[cookielove]

How old is ds?

[rainbowinthesky]

I think you'll have to lie.

[cherrycakesparkle]

yes, in my contract that from time to time I am expected to attend events at head office.

[cherrycakesparkle]

ds is 7 months.

[StealthPolarBear]

Maybe put this in employment issues - I suppose if depends on your contract as to whether you are expected to attend these things.

[LRB978]

The only problem with saying you have a hospital appointment (or any medical appointment) is they may ask for proof in the form of letter/appointment card with details of appointment on - which will leave you in a spot. But I do agree it is going to be pretty difficult for you to go.

[OTTMummA]

lie, like you've never lied before.

[Pioneer]

I really don't think they can make you go, can they?

I know it is in your contract, but I honestly think that they would struggle to argue against a mother of a 3 month old that is breastfed.

I would point blank refuse to go and explain why.

[Pioneer]

Sorry not sure where I got that he was 3 months old, but that is irrelevant anyway.

I am sure there are many clauses in contracts that allow parents time off/exceptions to the rules.

I think it is appalling that an employer could tell a mother of a young baby that they must go to something that is outside of their contracted hours.

Surely you do those hours for a reason?

[PavlovtheCat]

I would probably lie, but not about a hospital appt, as they could, if they felt inclined to do so, request an appt letter/card whatever.

How about just agree to go, and be really enthusiastic about the whole thing, yes, will be a great chance to network after such a long period of time off blah blah. Then be unwell, have a poorly child?

TBH, it would not be difficult for me to say that and it be truthful, given the current severe lack of sleep I am having due to breastfeeding, there is NO WAY I could attend that conference, i would be unfit medically to travel that far and be at work for that long. Maybe that applies to you.

Or


tell them you cannot do it, it is too much to ask. Just in case they need you to do another one soon which you can't for the same reason, then you can say the same thing. I cannot do it as my child needs me.

[onimolap]

Only lie if you are absolutely sure you won't get caught out, as your credibility will be gone.

In fact, do you really to be in a job for which you are contemplating abandoning integrity?

(PS: when I was in very similar shoes to yours, I went with work. I expressed and discarded, so no supply problems on return, and DD was fine with DH).

[ccpccp]

Its a conference, quite important and not an everyday work event.

You need to go.

Otherwise you'll likely be on here in a few weeks complaining of being stepped over for promotion, or wrongful dismissal.

[Muser]

I wouldn't lie. I would explain about the 3am start and 11pm finish, and the breastfeeding, and that you can't go. It would be unreasonable of them to expect you to go and I would have thought if you spoke to them abou it they would realise and be fine.

[StarExpat]

I agree with the idea to say you will go and then be ill on the day. But you are ill, not ds as that may not go down well (sadly)

[StealthPolarBear]

good point made further down the thread, what if you're in a similar situation 2 weeks later? You can only be ill or have appointments a couple of times, then it starts to look dodgy

[diddl]

I wouldn´t lie.

If others have to go, why shouldn´t you?

[BubbaAndBump]

You could say you can't get childcare beyond nursery hours at this young age?

[fuzzypicklehead]

Most employers are required to accomodate breastfeeding mums (mine certainly is) and they should complete a risk assessment for it before you return. Separation from your baby for that length of time would probably affect your supply, even with breaks for pumping. It may also put you at risk for mastitis. Most employers must also allow flexible working where possible, and this certainly sounds like a case where it would be possible.

I've worked full time while breastfeeding for many months, but I would never attempt such a long stretch. I would tell them I would be able to attend for a portion of the day or not at all this year. Its their job to work around you in this case and if they say "tough" to a reasonable request they are actually breaking the law.

[Katiekitty]

Why do you need to lie?

Do you think your employer might not understand?

What do other women with babies do who you work with?

What about those women/colleagues without children who, for whatever reason, are also struggling to attend a conference?

I remember once (more than once actually), was expected to spend over £100 on train fares and claim on expenses, I was beyond skint (even £2.50 bus fare was a problem) and was thinking of any way possible not to do this. In the end, I told work and they used a company credit card. Simple.

If you lie, these issues will never get addressed. Good luck.

[StealthPolarBear]

Just out of curiosity, what are the implications of going back to work and not having had a bf risk assessment?

[StealthPolarBear]

work in a bog standard office btw

[Bumperlicious]

I'm sure they can't make you go. Perhaps talk to the CAB. Do you have an HR dept?

[scurryfunge]

Can you book a hotel the night before with your baby and make use of any available nursery facilities during the conference hours?