Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

I remember that thread - thanks for the update! Wishing you a very speedy finding of a new job. Manager and Ginny can have each other, especially after he has a complex dysphoric incident around a top client.

I must have missed the original thread but I am so sorry you are going through this, work can be such a big part of our lives that its really hard when it goes wrong

Really sorry you are going through this shit. Have you got anyone supporting you atm? Sounds as though you and other colleagues are being treated very unfairly. Just hope that Gs incompetence will show up very soon.

Missed the original thread but can imagine. Stay strong maybe email Sex Matters for advice.

god OP that sounds awful.
First thing - deep breath, let things settle. Start looking for a new job.
Can Ginny handle all the extra responsibility? Will you all be expected to support this work?

Frankly? you are all being discriminated against now. And it is beyond outrageous that women who have lived women's lives with all that means are being lectured by a newbie with 6 months experience.

Does Ginny pass that well (looks like Blaire White, right?)

glass door review time?

Thank you for the update. I'm sorry to hear how bad things are in your workplace.

In your shoes I would document everything and collect as much evidence as possible. Keep an incident diary from now on.
You won't feel like doing anything with it right now as your impulse is to leave a bad situation; but later on you might need some evidence. If only to reassure yourself that it did happen, and you aren't actually going mad.

Thank you for the update. My fingers were crossed for you. It’s sounds utterly bonkers situation to be in, but seems to be an increasing thing to happen in work places.
Definitely use your energy to seek a new job, just do enough to keep off bosses radar and remember whilst you are in the back office, you are out of sight and out of mind, whilst you sit and watch rome
burn.

Read your first thread and so sorry to read the update. Know there is love and strength galore being sent to you from the interweb. It’s obvious that this is going to end disastrously: can you try to see the darkly funny side of bad this will be while you get yourself out of there? Just head down, do your job and ignore everything! And know that your boss will suffer for his stupidity. It may destroy the business but that’s not your issue.

Missed the original thread (don’t know if anyone can link it, with the OP‘s permission first of course).

This sounds horrible, work is difficult enough without all this nonsense. So sorry OP.

Stay strong and enjoy your holiday. Hopefully something else will turn up on the job front.

Thank you so much for the update. You've been treated appallingly. If you haven't yet, maybe try to record all the key issues with dates and that dreadful meeting. File it away - just in case.
Reframe the move of office as a pleasure - somewhere away from someone who causes so much stress. But do be cautious and watch what you say in the workplace (wouldn't put it past some to use recording devices etc).

And then - watch and wait. It often happens that someone over promoted and lacking in key skills will crash and burn. Only time will tell with that.

And very good luck with your job hunt.

Thank you everyone ❤️

A very very brief recap for those who missed it (I was far too outing last time unfortunately and the thread had to go)... I was in a toilet cubicle at work, in the women's only bathroom. "Ginny" a fairly new colleague of a few months who has been transitioning since January and had always used the disabled toilet prior to this, entered the bathroom and stated they had followed me in to ask for a tampon. They then saw a basket next to the sink of sanitary products that myself and two other women at work pay for ourselves to keep topped up and said brilliant this is what I'll need. I said no they aren't for you (from inside the cubicle, I wasn't physically next to them) and due to this I was torn apart by management and reduced to tears. There was due to be a meeting with just the boss, myself and Ginny but this was turned into a whole office trans rally.

I work in a very small town and I don't drive, this is the biggest office in the town with the best pay and as I have no transport and two very small children to support I felt I had to suck it up and apologise. I'm now looking at jobs in the next town that are reliably commutable by train, there's a few more options than I initially thought so it's not as hopeless as I first imagined. I have options to potentially get out and if I can I will!

It's probably very silly that I feel as down about it all as I do, but for whatever reason this has massively knocked my mental health. I'm on tenterhooks at work now and dread every morning walking into the office.

I remember your thread. Thank you for the update. Best of luck in your job hunting.

Good luck finding a new job quickly 💐. Surely even in these crazy times, all UK work places can't be as far down 'the rabbit hole' as that one seems to be.

Thank you for the update OP.

May I ask - what is the general mood / morale in the office since all this happened?

Gosh, this is partly why I deleted the last thread because I felt I had said to much or sounded transphobic because of my opinion but frankly I'm about to go on leave and I'm so depressed I'm past caring.

Ginny does not pass, not remotely. They are very open about never wanting bottom surgery and makes little effort to "pass". They are around 45ish, 6ft+ and yet... AND YET, we had to sit there for almost an hour and listen to them explain that since they started presenting as a woman in January they have been cat called every day, sexually harassed by men in bars and objectified "like a cheap whore" (yes, their exact words)

It's screaming AGP, I've never been more convinced it's entirely fetish and hand on heart my skin crawls when I hear them fake high-pitch giggling from the next office or standing in the smoking area at lunch recounting tales of how they are constantly hounded by men and can't cope with the attention. It's all a load of absolute fantasy bollocks.

Sorry, I really shouldn't be ranting and it's so outing but fuck my life 😩😩😩

Good luck OP- that’s a horrible situation.
You have been treated abominably by your boss, hopefully you find something better and your boss will be stuck in a cycle of pandering to your colleague’s whims.

Thank you for the update. You have to do what is best for the whole situation. All the best with the job hunting.

I am so sorry to read that. It is truly shocking.

Ginny and your boss are combining to bully the rest of the workers. The only thing you can do is get out - it's really sad and wrong that that is the case, but it is always the way with workplace bullying situations - the trans question is just a detail. It's very sensible of you to have done what was asked of you, however daft that was, in order to buy yourself time.

Have you got anyone who can help you with the job application and interview preparation - your confidence will have been shaken by this nonsense and some help building yourself back up would be good for you.

Start by listing all the things you do and are good at (like analysing and describing complicated situtaions - we have seen that; and being prepared to co-operate with difficult people in order to maintain a good workplace atmosphere for your colleagues) - I'm sure there are threads on MN that other people will have links to.

Two of who I would personally call our best guys have handed in their resignation just a few days apart. We have been told categorically by management it's nothing to do with the company or any other employees, which is funny because both guys have told us it absolutely is to do with other colleagues... it's almost like gaslighting from the boss? (Is it? I may be misusing that term I apologise if I have) I just feel like he's openly lying to our faces and trying to get us on board with all the lies to keep up the facade.

The rest of the morale is up and down. It's funny in a way because since the women have been moved into the smaller back office we have all had quite a nice peaceful week and in THAT room it's been pleasant, lots of little laughs and chats between work. I think what may has been intended as a sort of punishment has actually been the only thing that got us through the week.

I read through your previous thread OP, and am glad you are looking for a new job.

I think this is excellent advice from @Thelnebriati; although you're looking for a new place to work (and I bet you're not the only person in the company doing the same now), you simply don't know what 'Ginny' may say or do next - anything could happen between now, and you finding and starting a new role. Hopefully an incident diary won't be needed, but it will go some way in your favour if it is.

Agree with apologising to save your current job (not because you had anything to apologise for - but this is a bigger picture issue), hats off to you, that must have been utterly galling.

Ginny sounds like a liability in more ways than one. What you have explained in your post on this thread sounds like there will be many an annoyed face, to put it mildly.

Good luck moving forwards, once you're out of this bizarre situation the relief will be huge. Many others in the company will follow suit, guarantee it.

As for the dread, I don't know if this sounds a little trite to suggest given how awful work is for you, but I think if it were me, I'd just try to have as many nice and fun things planned for after work as possible - give yourself something to focus on as a reward for getting through the end of each work day.

Would love to hear when you get a new job also, OP. I will have a celebratory cup of tea for you, so please do update us with this news when it happens, if you feel up to it x

It sounds horrific.

Just bear in mind that at some point your boss will regret this decision. And wonder what the fuck happened and how you managed to see through it so clearly.

Meanwhile you will be long gone and in a better job.

Mind he doesn’t demand to be put on the norty step if he cops that’s where all the women are.

Does anyone want to float any ideas why this is happening though? That's what's completely stumped us, we just can't figure out why the boss is going this route.

For context, prior to Ginny starting, the boss was golden. Really approachable, fair, entertaining and made a real point of making a great atmosphere in the office. Nothing was too much trouble, ever.

It makes no economic sense, and he is running a business after all. Morale is down, output is down, people are complaining. No one makes the effort to chat away to him anymore, he's making no effort either to check in with us.

Why on earth would someone just throw away a brilliant company and team over this? He's far from stupid, he must know why the two guys are leaving, and he's staunchly not at all bothered by it.

Oh OP so sorry you are being abused and discriminated against in your office.❤️

Your 'apology' was compelled under duress (risk of losing your job) and therefore don't waste time feeling bad about that.

As they opened up the discrimination to the whole office, they couldn't possibly know who might contact sex matters and ask them to send a summary of Maya's (and Alison's and Denise's) judgement to your boss, could they?

So you're all supposed to play along while a man who will never menstruate demands women pay for sanpro for him? It's abusive. What next? Buying appetite suppressant medication for anorexics? Why are you expected to play along with dysphoria/ delusion?

Glad to hear your desk is far from the abusive narcissist at least and don't buy any more sanpro for the communal box, if the company want to throw money at sanpro for males, let them.