Anyone want a mum of teenagers support thread

(976 Posts)
Ledkr Fri 27-Nov-15 09:01:33

Thought we could swap ideas, sound off and generally help each other through it.
Lots of you will know from here I'm no shrinking violet but my nearly 14 yr old dd is slowly breaking my spirit, home has become a miserable place to be and I know I'm messing this up.
I've had 3 teen boys and have worked all my life with various types of challenging young person and I'm pretty well respected but my own child is draining the life out of me.
The thing is, it's not huge behavioural stuff, it's probably very normal. I need to learn to pick my battles I know but I simply cannot ignore blatant rudeness or pick up someone's knickers often still containing a sanitary towell and not react.
Is this the answer? Compromise my integrity and become a skivvy just for a quiet life?
I could go on, but I'll see if anyone wants to listen first.
Thanks if you read so far smile

3catsandcounting Fri 27-Nov-15 09:30:03

I'm in Ledkr. (I'll be back later!)

Readysteadyknit Fri 27-Nov-15 09:46:34

my nearly 14 yr old dd is slowly breaking my spirit, home has become a miserable place to be and I know I'm messing this up.

This could have been me a few years ago I am thankfully out the other side with DD (although not with DS sad). Hang in there, I doubt you're messing it up. My DD was awful to live with - she managed to control the mood of the whole house with her tantrums and dramas. Even the dog would run and hide when she kicked off. She is 19 now and we get on well, share interests and generally enjoy each other's company flowers

Sadik Fri 27-Nov-15 15:51:34

I'm in smile I've got a 13 y/o dd.

Maryz Fri 27-Nov-15 15:54:09

Best advice I ever got is "ignore the attitude, respond to the action". So give her a bollocking for the sanitary pad, but ignore all the moaning from her.

I've learned to smile brightly and pretend I'm not bovvered [sigh]

Hedgehoginthegarden Fri 27-Nov-15 16:31:27

I'm most definitely in. Dd16 here. This year has been pretty awful, to put it mildly but not too bad at the moment. Let's see if it lasts hmm

Ledkr Fri 27-Nov-15 17:48:06

maryz is the teen guru. Maybe you can hold "clinics" from time to time grin
Had a lovely day with Her. Went to drayton manner christnas event and she was fabulous, had lots of fun and we managed to chat to her about her behaviour a bit.
It will make not one jot of difference but at least we had a break!

Tinklewinkle Fri 27-Nov-15 17:54:08

I'm in too

I have a 14 year old DD and have exactly the same issues.

I'm not picking up anyone's knickers (also including sanitary towel) either

I'm ignoring the attitude (and the dirty knickers) and trying very hard to be all zen, but sometimes she is just so rude I really don't know how I've held onto my temper

Bunbaker Fri 27-Nov-15 18:03:41

Count me in. Parenting a teenage girl has been very hard work and such an emotional roller coaster for me. She is year 11 now and so unmotivated right now.

Maryz Fri 27-Nov-15 18:06:45

I'm far, far from being a guru.

I've just managed to get an awful lot of things wrong, so can give advice on what NOT to do grin

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsj70 Fri 27-Nov-15 18:14:28

I'm in! 3 teenage DS's - middle one having some MH issues at the min so I'm completely up the wall

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daisychicken Fri 27-Nov-15 18:18:06

Please may I join? Have a 13yr old ds and an 11yr old ds who is starting to copy his behaviour. We seem to have good and not so good spells... though the bedroom is always a tip with food packets, empty bottles and crockery... I can block the tip but the rubbish and crockery drives me insane!

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Fri 27-Nov-15 18:21:57

Timely thread
Ive just taken myself off for a little cry in the bedroom as ds1 is being very teenage.

Im picking my battles and reminding myself constantly that its not personal but its all go here tonight.
Lots of angst, grunting and sarky mutterings.

Hes only 13...ive got years to goshock

I shall dry off my eyes and emerge from 'putting away washing' and carry on

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Fri 27-Nov-15 18:24:14

daisy i found 13 forks in the teens room last month...13! We dont even own that many, god knows where they came fromhmm

daisychicken Fri 27-Nov-15 18:29:04

Majestic I have lost all but 4 teaspoons and I used to have 2 sets of cutlery (1 set of 6 & 1 of 4)... I can't make up more than 4 of 1 and 2 of the other... They've just vanished(!)

TheGreenTriangle Fri 27-Nov-15 18:42:18

2 13yr old girls here - it often feels like I'm losing my grip on my sanity.

Girls are self conscious and will flinch if DH goes anywhere near them - a big difference from just a couple of years ago when they were so cuddly and sweet. Fortunately we are fairly united in our approach to them and support each other, but it is gruelling dealing with the teen attitudes and daily rudeness: it's almost as though they tag each other and take turns in having temper tantrums sad

stillstandingatthebusstop Fri 27-Nov-15 18:55:04

It's ds2 who is getting me down - 17yrs and thinks he can do what he likes whenever he likes. DH and I are trying to work out what we can do to get him home by 10pm on week nights - we're exhausted from wondering where the hell he is and not being able to wind down - he doesn't come in that late, generally before 11, but we're ending up knackered. Not sure what to do for the best as he is utterly unreasonable.

Tinklewinkle Fri 27-Nov-15 19:15:01

Mine isn't orange, but her room is an absolute pit

I made vague muttering so about cockroaches and rats last week and she did bring all the cups, plates, glasses, cutlery and rubbish down pretty sharpish.

Does anyone else have the Fun Police? I can't have a few drinks and a laugh without her being all disapproving. I was wearing a pair of those goggly springy eyes and a fake moustache the other day and was just messing about and she threw the biggest tantrum yet

3catsandcounting Fri 27-Nov-15 19:36:18

Twinkle - I get "you think you're funny, and you're not!"

Oh, but I am. I'm bloody hilarious, and all my friends think so too!! smile

KielyKiely Fri 27-Nov-15 19:44:10

Me please. I have DS1 (14) and DS2 (12), both a nightmare.

DS2 has ASD and we have had years of battles with schools. His secondary has more or less said they can't cope with him and I am now looking at special schools/boarding schools.

DS1 constantly has constant low level rudeness at school and does ABSOLUTELY no work and has no ambition to do well. Our lives are an endless battle and barely a day goes by when the school isn't emailing about one of them, or we are generally dealing with their rudeness at home. DS1 has a constant refrain of "I didn't do anything" in the style of Kevin and Perry whenever he is confronted.

Joking aside it has driven me to the edge and I literally hate my life and the endless struggle with we have with them. I like to think we are kind, polite, hard working, empathetic parents who have set appropriate boundaries and given a huge amount of love and nurturing to them but it all feels fairly hopeless at the moment.

RJnomore1 Fri 27-Nov-15 19:44:37

Yes yes yes! I am sooo funny but I'm always being told "you really are not funny you know" grin

Dd is almost16 and after a few utterly fucking horrendous years acts like a human being about 90% of the time. My other dd is 11 and just about to hit it...

But no I am not allowed to have fun. The very thought!

Bastardshittits Fri 27-Nov-15 19:52:19

I'm place marking - I actually feel worn down by my teenager at the moment I can't bring myself to type it out.

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