'partner' has been with a prostitute

[sadandangry]

I feel totally sick and betrayed, but not sure if I have a right to feel this.

i phoned partner up earlier to see when he'd be home & if he wanted dinner cooking - I assume he meant to cut the call off, but he answered it by mistake, but assume he left the phone in his pocket or something. I could hear his voice, and that of a woman and was suspicious because he was meant to be on the way home, and was due to look after our dd as I had a counselling session at 8. I listened, and I heard them discuss payment, condoms and the bed creaking.

I thought I was going to throw up, but felt compelled to listen for a while.

The thing is, I feel utterly devastated, but our relationship is almost non existent. He has drug problems, and because of this I've wanted to end things for some time, but keep allowing myself to be talked round.

He says he has intimacy issues and ever since we had dd he has only wanted sex when he's been out drinking, or taken drugs, and I've felt more and more used by this, and made it clear I didn't want sex any more - I'm 6 months pg and we've only had sex 3 times at most since conception, and not for w ehile. So maybe I don't have any right to be upset.

But he's the one who tells me how much he loves me every day, was asking me to cuddle up with him last night (we no longer share a bed) makes long term plans for our future together.

And he's already got us into financial difficulties because of drugs - we're on the edge of my overdraft limit, though I have separate funds set aside for doing up the house to hopefully make some money - and he's still spending money we don't have on a prostitute. And caring so little about me he's having sex instead of looking after dd as promised.

I'm an idiot to have stayed this long. I can't believe I've allowed myself to be in this position, to be treated like this. I am scared I still won't get away from this because I think I'm so scared of the future, and how I'm going to manage. My life is a mess, and I've let it.

[micci25]

get the locks changed before he gets home!!

[LynetteScavo]

You have every right to feel sick and betrayed!

[ChukkyPig]

Oh god how awful.

I think you knew what you needed to do even before this. Start looking into how you can get out of the relationship.

Horrendous though I really feel for you.

[Chequers]

Message withdrawn

[Carmenere]

You know, I think that when it comes to drugs there is probably no point in trying to fight for the relationship You are better off out of there I suspect, sorry for you though.

[Amphibimum]

oh sadand... you know what you have to do. you wont feel strong but you will be. and you'll be so much better off without a relationship like this. you know it too.

[hunkermunker]

Get out now, before you have the baby.

You poor thing.

[Kimi]

He is a druggie
He has you in debt
He is risking getting god know what from hookers

Why oh why are yu still there?
Is there someone you can stay with tonight, then change the locks, and dump his stuff on the lawn tomorrow?

You deserve better

[worrybum]

Of course you have every bloody right to feel like this. Sounds from your post that you have known for some time though what you need to do next.

Also ditto what micci says (though I'd probably chop his bollocks off and kick him out before calling the locksmith) for you. This is such a sad situation for anyone to be in. You say that you're life is a mess and that may seem the case right now but you will turn it around!

[Monkeytrousers]

OMG how terrible. I don't know what to say; it';s not only the prostitute is it,if it were you might be able to salvage things - but he's totally deceiving you about so many things...intimacy, trust, money, your ealth and future.

if you have some money, keep tight hold of your independence. I know it will be hard, but if he will go get him out - he might come back after he has dealt with his problems but...well you need you put you and your kids first. What a fucking tosspot.

[madamez]

YOu need to be out of this relationship. YOu can't fix him and trying to will only drag you down.
And once you have left (to do this smoothy and quickly contact the council, Women's Aid etc - OK so he isn't, by the sound of it, beating you but they will be able to advise you on all the necessary legal stuff), think about some counselling and some help on boosting your self-esteem so you don't end up with any more losers like him.

[sadandangry]

Well in the counselling sessions I've been trying to address why I don't stick to my guns and end it properly, unfortunately I'm relying on him for childcare so i can go, and that's not helping!

I've tried locking him out of the house before, but he just banged on the door incessantly til I gave in.

[sadandangry]

And I have found a message on his phone before, but that was back in March. He's just got back, he knocked on the door, I told him to go away, and now he's standing in the garden looking at a porno mag. I guess he's also taken drugs as for him drugs and sex are closely entwined.

[umberella]

what a vile piece of crap.

you need to get away from this, it must be eating you up.

[umberella]

..now i'm confused...

[Amphibimum]

wats, is this a windup? duhhhh people are weird

[georgiemama]

He sounds like he has mental health issues, to be honest, I think if you in any way care about him, you need to get some professionals involved to help. If you don't care (and there is no reason why you should) you should call the police.