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Being groped in front of the children

(146 Posts)
carrottop30 Sat 29-Oct-16 21:51:40

I have reaptedly told my husband not to grope my breasts in front of our four year old daughter. Today whilst making lunch he tried to do it again and I told him not to do it in front of the children. He then cuddled me and did it anyway! I lost it big time, I have had things happen to me as a teenager so I think it was the fact I told him not to and he did it anyway that pushed me over the edge.

I took my daughter out this afternoon and came back at tea time, after she went to bed I told him I am disgusted with him as I had told him not to and then my daughter saw that he did it anyway - what does this teach our daughter about boundaries and respect?

He said I am over reacting, which didn't go down to well with me, he has now packed some stuff and left. I need to know if I am over reacting, are things that have happened to me in the past clouding my judgement.

As he left he starting muttering he made a mistake! I am not sure where he has gone so now I am worried.

I also have a son who is a baby and although he obviously doesn't know what is happening I want him to treat women with respect.

LoisEighty Sat 29-Oct-16 21:57:18

You are not over reacting at all.

aforestgrewandgrew Sat 29-Oct-16 21:57:38

No you haven't made a mistake. You have told him not to do it and he's ignored you.

You have good,.sound reasons for not wanting him to do it in front of your DD.

He doesn't think he needs to treat you with respect. Or he didn't, perhaps he is starting to realise now, or maybe he is simply a sexist, sad, entitled excuse for a man who thinks you are his property and have no right to a say over how your own body is used, in which case you'require better off rid of him.

Naicehamshop Sat 29-Oct-16 21:58:17

He sounds vile - especially if he knows about the things that happened to you in the past. flowers

aforestgrewandgrew Sat 29-Oct-16 21:58:47

*You're not you'require! Stupid phone sorry!

AtSea1979 Sat 29-Oct-16 22:00:13

He's wrong and he probably knows it, hence him running away. Don't contact him, wait it out.

Cats1ife Sat 29-Oct-16 22:02:24

Does he normally pack a bag and just go off if you challenge him about something?

JennyHolzersGhost Sat 29-Oct-16 22:05:45

You're not overreacting. Your body is yours. You're entitled to respect when you say you don't want to be touched.
I'm sorry your husband doesn't understand this. I wish you strength. It's hard but you're doing the right thing. And I'm so sorry those things happened to you in the past.

ColdTeaAgain Sat 29-Oct-16 22:07:15

YANBU and 100% on the mark about teaching your children about appropriate boundaries and mutual respect.

Why the hell does he want to be all over you like that in front of your children anyway? It will get to a point where your DD will become more aware and feel really uncomfortable in her own home. TBH he sounds like a bit of a prick.

Chocolate123 Sat 29-Oct-16 22:08:46

What an idiot. He's wrong on so many levels in front of your children and knowing your history. Let him go and sulk and grow up.

Backt0Black Sat 29-Oct-16 22:10:26

What the actual FUCK????? You are right.....what the hell sort of lesson is that teaching your daughter? 'Girls can say no, but Men just carry on and that's fine???'

No - you have not overreacted.

Is he aware what happened to you as a teen? If so he is a uber-knob.

Leave him to his huff, if you want to let him home when he's done huffing then that's one thing, but certainly don't beg or apologise.

carrottop30 Sat 29-Oct-16 22:11:54

Thank you, I know deep down I am not over reacting, he doesn't know about things that have happened to me in my past.

I have told him something tonight, possibly another reason why he has run away!!

What I am not proud of is how I lost my temper in front of my daughter earlier on not nice for her to see and it shouldn't have happened.

I am going through a lot at the moment, no excuse but dealing with a lot of stress including a bereavement.

Don't worry I am not contacting him no chance.

PoldarksBreeches Sat 29-Oct-16 22:12:48

That's sexual assault. And the fact that it's in front of a 4 year old child makes it also sexual abuse of her.
I'm not exaggerating.

Joysmum Sat 29-Oct-16 22:12:55

Men like him are the problem. They think they are entitled to our bodies.

You are doing the right thing.

pallasathena Sat 29-Oct-16 22:18:11

So much respect for you. I hope others going through similar take courage from how you've handled this.
And don't beat yourself up. Better to lose your temper and assert your human rights than keep quiet and pretend nothing happened.

expatinscotland Sat 29-Oct-16 22:18:40

You are not overreacting!

JellyBelli Sat 29-Oct-16 22:22:39

You are not overreacting. As for losing your temper, you asked the first time, and he ignored you.
He doesnt listen to you when you are nice about it, and he stomps off when you are insistent. You deserve better, and so do your kids.

CocoaX Sat 29-Oct-16 22:22:54

You lost your temper as he did not listen to you asking him to stop, it was a form of defence.
You were not, and are not, over-reacting.
flowers

2kids2dogsnosense Sat 29-Oct-16 22:25:16

You are NOT over-reacting!

Okay - he doesn't know your history, but to make sexual advances in front of your child is totally inappropriate, and to continue when you've told him "No" really sends the wrong message to her.

If he wants to take a strop - that's his look-out.

PaulDacresConscience Sat 29-Oct-16 22:25:44

He made a mistake? So you told him clearly more than once to stop what he was doing. How is that a mistake? Is he hard of hearing?

He sees you as an object. Your body is a fuck-toy for him to fiddle with regardless of whether you like it or not. Tell him that if he wants to be able to grope something with impunity then he needs to sod off and buy a blow-up doll.

gillybeanz Sat 29-Oct-16 22:26:08

I think you were seriously over reacting until you asked him not to.
There's nothing wrong with showing affection in front of your child, or was it a full on grope and fondling?
He was wrong to do it when you said not to, this was certainly not an over reaction.
I do think that there are things in your past where you should seek help, but this is not in relation to him, but your reaction to what he did and how it made you feel.

Evilstepmum01 Sat 29-Oct-16 22:28:33

Nope. Definitely not over--reacting.
My DH used to be like this, he'd grope my tits in front of our Ds and his DD. I soon put him straight. Credit to him, he listened and doesnt do it anymore.

After a good sulk on each occasion I was firm with him. But now he knows. Nobody has the right to touch you if you dont want to be touched.
There are times and places. In front of the kids is not appropriate.

HedgehogHedgehog Sat 29-Oct-16 22:28:52

You arent overreacting.
Im sure he may have meant well somewhere in his head but you are right its a terrible example for your daughter to see him not listen to you or respect your boundaries.
I do think you need to have a chat with him about how it made you feel and why.
Hopefully he will understand be gutted that he did that to you and apologise and it will never happen again.
You were very right to get angry, he needs to see the impact of his behaviour.
I assume it was just thoughtless rather than malicious, if theres nothing else like that going on and he didnt know about your history. But its not acceptable and its good to make him think about how it made you feel so he never disrespects your boundaries again. xxxxx

Bbee Sat 29-Oct-16 22:29:46

Agree with all that's been said already and at the very least, at least your DD might have noticed your reaction to what he did and get that it was an appropriate time to shout out about it. The way he reacted is so wrong and don't let yourself forget that too. Sorry for all you are going through on top of his bad behaviour.

carrottop30 Sat 29-Oct-16 22:29:54

He has never left the house before but I am not going to contact him as I feel that he has now made it all about him by leaving. He does like to sulk!!

I am going to get up tomorrow and have a nice day out somewhere with the children without him.

It is important to me that my daughter understands that if you say no to someone that it doesn't happen, it's also not nice for your daughter to see your dad groping your mum.

My misunderstanding of what was right or wrong as a child led to inappropriate behaviour from an adult and after that unacceptable behaviour from people of my own age, maybe it's still happening.

Lot's to think about and really glad he had gone as do not want to be in the same house as him at the moment.

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