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Confused about breakup want him back :(

(131 Posts)
Gracey1231 Mon 29-Aug-16 00:22:18

First post lol!

6 weeks ago my boyfriend of 11 months and I had a huuuuge argument, where I said something nasty just to hurt him, I have done this before and said I'd stop but as usual it flew out. Anyway, we didn't speak for a week to cool down and he eventually text me like I don't want to end it I love you blah blah blah, on numerous occasions we arranged to see eachother again and he said to me he just wants his own space at the minute, he is scared his feelings have changed towards me, he doesn't feel the same as he did, he feels bad about us because after the arguments and this massive bad one has taken his toll on him.

He left me on Friday (26/08/16) officially and said he had to let me go because he isn't ready to see me yet and can't keep me waiting any longer as it's cruel. Me being a total girl was pleading etc and I said how can I get you back and he said it's too late, I asked him after that if it's forever that we aren't together and he said "I don't know" and that he doesn't want me to just disappear and still wants to talk. I spoke to his mum about us splitting up and she said to me that he said he needs to see if his bad feelings change and doesn't want me hanging on to a maybe, and that he hopes we can stay friends and talk still but is unsure whether he is ready to be with me right now but still has feelings for me.

I messaged him the night he left like "do you still love me" and he read it but didn't reply, I changed my whatsapp photo as it was us two and as soon as I did he messaged me saying "I'll keep our picture just I don't think being together isn't a good idea at the moment" but he doesn't want to be with another girl.

He asked for space and I pushed him like begging to see him etc instead of playing it cool and taking it slowly. Apparently he still has feelings for me. He still has me and him as his whatsapp photo and has been online since just not messaged me.

I love him to pieces and I'm changing my ways, I took him for granted and I really want him back haha sad

Gonna try not to contact him and let him message me first because me "spamming" him with texts caused us to bicker abit in the relationship anyway.

What are my chances of getting him back? And will no contact work maybe make him think of the good instead of the bad, (he still has feelings for me) whilst I sort myself out and become less needy and strong.

I'm gonna not text him until he texts me but I'll send him a birthday card next week, just a simple one.

Help me sad Is it too late?

QueenLizIII Mon 29-Aug-16 03:09:36

6 weeks ago my boyfriend of 11 months and I had a huuuuge argument, where I said something nasty just to hurt him, I have done this before and said I'd stop but as usual it flew out.

he said to me he just wants his own space at the minute, he is scared his feelings have changed towards me, he doesn't feel the same as he did, he feels bad about us because after the arguments and this massive bad one has taken his toll on him.

Me being a total girl was pleading etc and I said how can I get you back and he said it's too late

Have you even listened to what he has told you?

You regularly say nasty things just to hurt him and he has this and the arguments are taking their toll on him.

You don't seem remorseful at all and even admit to text spamming him and being needy.

Your nasty behaviour has finally begun to change your bfs feelings towards you. And instead of doing anything you can to atone for it and apologise and make a real effort to change your behaviour, you are talking of using no contact to try and lure him back. I.E. passive aggressive, reverse psyhology games.

Go complete no contact and end this toxic relationship. Not NC with a view to getting him back though. USe NC as a means to let him go and find someone who is nice to him and you make a real effort to change your ways as no one is going to put up with that kind of shit in a relationship.

Why do you want him back? Just to abuse him again and "as usual" let nasty things slip out?

You need to be single for a while, to grow up and sort your issues out.

ivykaty44 Mon 29-Aug-16 06:21:48

I think you have killed his love for you with your nasty behaviour, sorry but he doesn't feel the same way about you as each time you were nasty you rubbed away at the love he had for you.

You need to learn from this, learn that even when you are angry or sad you can't treat people in this way, love isn't unconditional.

Move on

Advicepls7080 Mon 29-Aug-16 06:25:13

You seem a tad manipulative if you're nasty and then nice when it suits you to be honest.

What do you mean 'me being a total girl' btw :s

You're not going to change over night so you might have to just put this down as a learning curve and move on sorry

JessieMcJessie Mon 29-Aug-16 06:28:10

Are you 12? This is so infantile.

LineyReborn Mon 29-Aug-16 06:31:24

I think if you're lashing out at someone you love to the point of driving them away, then you're pretty unhappy and insecure and you need to take some time out of relationships to work on that.

TheLastRoseOfSummer Mon 29-Aug-16 08:41:17

My god, you sound like an utter nightmare!

I would be advising him to stay well away from you, but I think he's already realised this for himself.

And less of this behaving like "a total girl", I have never behaved as you are and I am, or at least was, a girl.

Grow up.

TheLastRoseOfSummer Mon 29-Aug-16 08:43:52

Oh and the feelings he still has for you? That is the confused, unhealthy emotional attachment experienced by everyone who is on the receiving side of an abusive relationship. It's not love. He needs you to leave him alone so that he has time to recover from the impact your behaviour has had on him.

KMotion Mon 29-Aug-16 09:10:42

Is this real?

How old are you?

Saying nasty things to people is, well, nasty. You shouldn't be with someone that you are nasty too. It obviously doesn't work.

Leave him alone and take your time before getting involved with someone else.

Livelovebehappy Mon 29-Aug-16 09:37:30

Did the nasty comment result in the arguement, or was it said in the middle of the row as a throw away comment because you were hurt at what had caused the arguement? Have to admit that if what you said caused the row, then it does sound like he needs to get himself out of the relationship for his sanity and yours. But if the hurtful comment was made in the middle of the arguement, I guess we all do this sometimes. Mainly because we are hurt and upset at what might have caused the row, so we retaliate. You pestering him though to try again is not going to make his feelings towards you change, so I would step back and let him decide. If he still loves you or wants to be with you, then he will come back to you of his own free will. If not, then you can take something with you into the next relationship, and try to adapt to not allowing the same issues to happen again.

hownottofuckup Mon 29-Aug-16 09:38:49

I think if you're lashing out at someone you love to the point of driving them away, then you're pretty unhappy and insecure and you need to take some time out of relationships to work on that.

Absolutely this.

Gracey1231 Mon 29-Aug-16 09:50:43

I don't abuse him. But during arguments I'd say something unkind because I was hurt. I have apologised a million times, and I am really working on me. I've learned my lesson in what I did.

Advicepls7080 Mon 29-Aug-16 09:53:25

You're not realising that's emotional abuse

StillDrSethHazlittMD Mon 29-Aug-16 09:55:33

Leave the poor sod alone and work on yourself before dating anyone else

BooFuckingHoo Mon 29-Aug-16 09:58:16

What exactly were these "unkind" things you said?

ElspethFlashman Mon 29-Aug-16 10:02:56

Wow, you have zero self awareness.

Let the poor lad sort his head out. And for the love of God don't ruin his birthday by writing emotional stuff in his card.

Gracey1231 Mon 29-Aug-16 10:04:03

I am aware it was all my fault. I'm in counselling right now. I wouldn't dream of doing that

LineyReborn Mon 29-Aug-16 17:15:43

I'm glad you're in counselling. If you find the right counsellor, it can really help.

TheLastRoseOfSummer Mon 29-Aug-16 17:19:40

Gracey very few emotional abusers set out to be intentionally abusive.

In many cases, they are also 'hurting' and lashing out.

It's still abusive

Cabrinha Mon 29-Aug-16 17:46:47

"Being a total girl" - well you can fuck off with that for a start.

You are horrible to him. You deliberately say things to hurt him, more than once.

Leave him alone.

Sort yourself out with therapy.

Move on.

No way can you say you've learned your lesson and you wouldn't do it again already hmm

And nice running to his mum. Until you are adult enough to sort yourself out without doing that, I think you should lay off dating.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 29-Aug-16 18:01:31

It is great that you are having counselling but will take a long time for you to change your "usual" behaviour.

If you genuinely like him, stay away from him.

It doesn't matter how much you want him, he sees that it isn't good for him and has chosen to split. Respect his choice.

Advicepls7080 Mon 29-Aug-16 18:03:58

How have you started counselling so fast by the way? Was you on a wait list before this issue?

Gracey1231 Mon 29-Aug-16 18:38:02

No hun I paid for private counselling but I was on a list for a while

LineyReborn Mon 29-Aug-16 18:57:22

Gracey, that's good that you had already recognised you needed some help and a bit of the 'talking therapy'.

Is it helping you, do you think? Good luck.

QueenLizIII Mon 29-Aug-16 19:17:05

I dont get this at all.

I have a total cow to my bf. I say nasty things, I cling, I cant stop it. Now he has gone, help me get him back.

Me, me, me, me, me.

I see no care or concern for him at all, just her feelings in wanting someone back whom she has behaved abusively towards.

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