I've name changed for this thread. Looking for constructive input and advice please!
I love my OH dearly. Together 9 years, have a 1 yo DC and DC2 on the way soon. OH was in a well paid role in the military when we left, but took redundancy 5 years ago and got a £80k settlement and retraining. Retrained as an electrician, we both agreed we were happy to have reduced salary as we don't live a flashy lifestyle.
Then OH fell in love with a very dilapidated house. Completely uninhabitable. I was nervous from the start, and got more nervous as things progressed. Begged him not to buy it (it is only in his name, I don't own property) but he promised it would be ok; he would make it all ok and treat it as a full time job, using redundancy money to make it amazing. Bought the house almost 5 yrs ago. I say we should focus on the main house; fix the roof, windows, get heating installed, etc. He says lets focus on converting the small barn it came with, I say this is a red herring, but he goes ahead and starts on the barn anyway.
Fast forward 5 yrs and here we are with 1 yo DC & baby bump, house still almost as bad as when we got it (seriously bad!), barn is not converted, redundancy money all long gone. Before I got pregnant he promised the house would be much improved by time baby arrived....it wasn't. He has promised again that house will be much better in time for DC2, now due in 3 months, and it is still no further forward. The redundancy money is all long gone and he couldn't tell me where half of it has gone. He promised he would really focus on his business as a self-employed electrician so that I could be a SAHM, but I have discovered this evening in the course if making a tax credits application that his business admin & finances are a complete fucking mess. He's no idea how much he has even earned. We have seperate finances and I've asked him hundreds of times over the course of years what the financial situation is. I've told him that I can help with business admin & book keeping if he shows me what I need to get started, but he avoids it. With the renivation I asked him again and again to showme a plan, a schedule, a budget...anything! And it never materialised because he never did it.
I was working full time until a yr ago, earning a fair salary; not enough that he doesn't need to work, but I kept the wolf from the door for 4 yrs whilst he was pissing about, not renivating the barn, not renovating the house, not properly running a business. I feel like a fucking mug, and so stupid for giving up my job when it was the last bit if security we had left. I've tried being understanding, sensitive and helpful, thinking that he's just been lost since he left the military. And I've trued being tough, telling him he needs to get hus act tigether and orovide for his family. I've even told him I've been close to leaving because I can't live like this. Nothing seems to make any difference! So what the hell do I do? I feel so let down by him. And now I don't trust anything he says because he hasn't come good on a single promise in 5 years.
Sorry for the stupidly long OP.
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Relationships
I feel so let down by OH and don't know if I can take any more
DontForgetTheNameChange · 17/07/2016 22:48
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