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Relationships

Really love my wife but... sex and lack thereof!

154 replies

frustratedman · 23/01/2007 20:13

OK ladies - really need your help here.

Been with my wife for a decade, married two years ago, two children under 5 and essentially very happy with our lives together. problem... yep, its sex and lack thereof!

My wife has made it absolutely clear that she doesn't like sex, she just doesn't get the urge - she'd absolutely rather go to sleep, or sit on the sofa reading mumsnet (Hello wife!). We were 16 and 17 when we met and things, as with most teenagers, were fantastic. The last 6 years or so have been a sex non-event. I've always felt as though it would surely sort its self out but alas I?ve learnt that if it goes of 'my radar', my wife really doesn't care and doesn't make any kind of effort whatsoever!

I do fully understand how the dynamics change when you have children, also well aware of the monotony of everyday life. I do my best to involve myself and help out where I can.

I'm finding it very hard to accept that zero sex is right. It feels very very wrong to me; I'm a male in my late 20's and have very little sex. It?s MAYBE once or twice a month and always instigated by me. The more time that passes by the more angry I feel and this spill over into other areas of my life were I feel quite lot of resentment about it. My wife and I have spoken about it to death and as a man in my late 20 can't accept a sexless relationship.

It feels quite tragic to me; we love each other very much and are a close family unit. I feel as though (and have explained) that this is like a time bomb that will eventually ruin our marriage. I have been out with my male friends on nights out and been propositioned by women, I desperately don't want to be dishonest to my wife (and don't intend to) but it?s becoming increasingly tempting.

I've always prided myself on being absolutely honest with my wife and have spoken in length and tried many things ? we go round in circles and it?s become a long-term stand off.

I'm really interested to read any comments, ideas, and suggestions on what can be done to sort this out once and for all.

Help...!

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Wordsmith · 23/01/2007 20:22

From a quantity point of view twice a month with 2 under fives doesn't sound too bad. But it doesn't solve your problem. All Ican say is from a woman in your wife's position (although a lot older, unfortunately), clearing the decks mentally and physically for initmacy - finding a space in your mind and you life when you can stop worrying about kids/work/the ironing is difficult and sometimes it's just easier to flake out in front of the TV. It's also hard to confront and accept that things aren't ideal. Have you tried going away together for the weekend and making time just for you where you don't have to deal with the monotony of everyday domesticity? That could add a spark that you could use to rekindle things when you return to normal life. Just a thought. have to go now - domesticity calls!