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Contacted by someone claiming to be DH OW

(425 Posts)
Glitterunicorn Sun 21-Feb-16 09:50:30

A woman has been contacting me over the last month on Facebook messenger telling me how my husband has been cheating me.

Everytime I have received the messages I seem to get immediately blocked or the profile gets deleted so I can't message back. I thought it was just someone messing about.

She has been really quite vague but I have managed to message this person this morning and get a response. She has sent a copied and pasted version of Facebook messages from my husband to her. It seems that he has been chasing her to meet up.

My husband is at work until this afternoon so I will speak to him when he comes back.
I wanted screen shots but she won't send them to me. Should I confront my husband without proper proof?

My husband does work away and the messages do correspond with when he was away last before Xmas.

louisejxxx Sun 21-Feb-16 09:53:58

I would say to him exactly what you've said here. That someone has contacted you claiming to be his OW. It's not as if you've gone digging is it, this person has come to you?

If he wants to know why you'd even contemplate giving this person a second thought I would just say that you didn't to begin with - but that this person has been harassing you with messages and then blocking you shortly after before you can say anything back.

springscoming Sun 21-Feb-16 09:54:56

I wouldn't confront. I would maybe discuss. Most likely I would insist on proper proof from the OW before doing either.

Yseulte Sun 21-Feb-16 09:59:06

It's not the OP's job to get proof.

Unless the OW hands over photos in fragrante OP, nothing will definitively proove an affair. Anything can be explained away.

iwuddarryl Sun 21-Feb-16 10:02:01

No matter how much proof you have, be prepared for him to try and convince you that the OW is
a) deranged
b) obsessive
b) stalker
not forgetting
c) ugly
d) not my type
e) only a friend

Either one,or all of these ' deflecting phrases' will fly from his lying mouth I'm afraid.

ScarletOverkill Sun 21-Feb-16 10:02:47

Can you see her profile at the moment? Is she on his friends list and vice versa?

Glitterunicorn Sun 21-Feb-16 10:04:47

She has been very vague says he hardly knows him only knows xy&z.
Xy&z being avalible on his Facebook page.
She said she didn't know he was married or had children but he hasn't changed his profile picture for 2 years and it's a family portrait we had done.
So I'm a little baffled.

Yes you are right not to confront but to discuss.

Glitterunicorn Sun 21-Feb-16 10:06:38

No we have no mutual friends in common. She has 20 friends all bar 2 male.
And she is stunning.

iwuddarryl Sun 21-Feb-16 10:07:16

I bet he will say it's ''someone I became friendly with and now she won't leave me alone'' after screwing her I tried to dump her. She wasn't having it hmm

''I wanted to tell you but I was hoping it would all go away''
hoped you would never find out

iwuddarryl Sun 21-Feb-16 10:09:50

OP if it walks like a duck, looks like a duck and quacks like a duck,
It's a duck.

It's an affair.

Sorry.

Yseulte Sun 21-Feb-16 10:13:18

*prove

ghostoftheMNchicken Sun 21-Feb-16 10:13:32

I don't know.... Something about this seems really off to me. Possibly a silly question, but do you think it could be some kind of spam/scam? The refusal to send screenshots seems iffy...

Glitterunicorn Sun 21-Feb-16 10:13:54

Do I go looking for evidence whilst he's at work? Or do I wait until he comes home?

I have always said I will never tolerate cheating of any kind. I've asked her what has happened between them and radio silence.

Glitterunicorn Sun 21-Feb-16 10:16:11

I get spammed quite often with messages but they follow the same pattern. Badly written broken English and no profile picture.
This profile has pictures not loads but it's been active since 2009. It's open and shows everything but hardly any activity

iwuddarryl Sun 21-Feb-16 10:17:31

Could you maybe ask her a personal question about your DH? Something only you ever get to see ? Ie a birth mark, or a phrase he says that wouldn't be common knowledge?
If she can, then you have your proof.

PamDooveOrangeJoof Sun 21-Feb-16 10:18:55

I would wait for more 'evidence' before confronting. Her profile sounds like a fakey catfish one?

But keep your eyes and ears open

CadenceRoastingByAnOpenFire Sun 21-Feb-16 10:18:58

It's definitely not clear cut here op. Usually I read an 'is he cheating?' Thread and I'm like 'yes!' but this is different and some things don't add up like those things you mentioned. Keep an open mind if you can for the time being and do a little digging. I would do this before you confront your dh otherwise if it is an affair he is likely to destroy any evidence before you find it.

iwuddarryl Sun 21-Feb-16 10:19:15

If she can answer something that only people really close to him would know, then it probably isn't a scam.

JerryFerry Sun 21-Feb-16 10:20:04

I got a message like that but about one of my friends. It was all made up. Just someone very unbalanced doing her thing

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 21-Feb-16 10:20:28

Is it the same profile that contacts you each time, then blocks you?

That's strange, but doesn't really explain anything, I suppose. She could be contacting you when your DH annoys her and chickening out when she's less annoyed. Or, it could be fake.

Does her profile look legit?

I think I'd be having a look at his laptop/phone/desktop if I could, especially for evidence of a second Facebook account or any unexpected expenses.

Maybe also ask her some easy questions, that you could prove right or wrong? She might having a weird issue with sending screenshots because he'd then know that she'd told you. Maybe she's going with convincing him that you found out on your own so she can make him choose? Are there any dates/locations that you could ask her if they were together?

I'm really sorry. I'd usually call fake but it would be a persistent faker and I think most people would get bored well before now. There's something oddly genuine about her actions, too.

PamDooveOrangeJoof Sun 21-Feb-16 10:21:23

If she is gradually sending you more stuff I would wait it out...

ghostoftheMNchicken Sun 21-Feb-16 10:22:27

Oh, quick idea - could you do a google image search on one or two of the pictures? If it is a fake profile it may be that they've been stolen from somewhere

iwuddarryl Sun 21-Feb-16 10:23:03

Instead of asking her open ended questions, try asking her a couple of specific ones.

LMGTFY Sun 21-Feb-16 10:23:56

Have you tried reverse image searching her photo on Google? Just with you saying she's stunning and doesn't have many friends it would make me question the validity of the person.

LMGTFY Sun 21-Feb-16 10:24:22

Snap ghost

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