Work Stress? Err don't think so mate!

[thenamehaschanged]

I can't copy and paste a link rather annoyingly - but this is my follow on thread from my original How far can he take the stressed from work excuse?

It burst at the seams with all the fantastic MN support I received and so I have started a new one as I carry on my journey of divorcing my very abusive husband.

Hi! Found you. Good.

here's a link to your old thread

Thank you Fantastic X

I've been silently cheering you on from the sidelines as you distance yourself from this five star arsehole. The support here is MN at its best.

Go on, girl, you can do this

I've linked on there for you :)

I read a bit of your old thread....i'm really glad that you've had the courage to do this. MN can get a bit of a bashing but it's in situations like this when you can instantly access a wide group of people, some who'll have been through what your going through that makes you realise people can and do connect through shared experiences

I like the new thread and the new attitude Op!

Not much longer now until he gets served!

Horray for you :} this place is invaluable sometimes.......

Yes, another lurker here, gosh you've got a right one there, ain't ya.
Getting you drunk and then accusing you of being an alcoholic!

Haha thank you Outflew! Really appreciate your words of support baking and scarlet

Thanks for linking Beyond - glad you enjoyed being the last poster on the old one!

My mother's half pissed and in tears again about her housing situation and I can't even have a wine to take the edge off as i sit here waiting for H's return

Ears you're right, that will be one lovely glass of wine when I'm toasting my freedom from all these nutters X

Urgh I do don't I Mexican, I certainly know how to pick them

Pouring you a nice, chilled elderflower cordial!

Awwww, welcome to your new spiritual home name, won't be long before we're toasting you to your new real life home.

It's all such a cliché, isn't it? XH tried the mental health one. I was on ADs as well, not surprisingly, but he found an old box of pills I'd had and told the boys they were for my "psychosis" which he'd been discussing with my GP. (I was in such a confused state I even asked the GP, who said it was totally untrue, and checked back on my notes - the pills had been prescribed for a brief episode of vertigo!) He also used to pour me big strong glasses of Bacardi and coke, which was my favourite tipple at the time. However, as I used to watch his father pulling that trick on his mother, I was wise to that one and didn't drink it. He got huffy because it was expensive and going to waste. I said don't pour drinks I haven't asked for then, if waste upsets you. He soon gave it up.

But then XH was a pretty pathetic specimen playing at being an abuser, not a genuinely devious plotter like your soon to be ex bastard husband.

Hi Name. Good to see a new thread and a new you.

Stick with me for a while, I don't drink but make it and can pour you a huge glass once you have kicked that sad excuse for a man out the door.

I've been away for a week and I'd lost you x

I'm also cheering you on name

I'm shocked by the fact that STBX plied you with drink.....and then gas lighted you by denying it....and then suggested AA talk to you about your supposed drink problems.

He IS building a case against you - to use socially, and probably with an eye to that hackneyed (but unsettling) ruse - attempting to gain custody/residency of your DC.

He won't succeed, and as you've said, he doesn't want custody. Though he probably thinks he's very clever and original in thinking of it.

I've seen a similar situation from the other side. It works like this: painting the ex in the light of an alcoholic (and worse) makes the abuser look hard done by, with friends old and new rushing to sympathise, and new partners working hard to be 'not like her.' It also makes him look heroic, as he attempts to wrest custody of his 'poor, neglected' children from her supposedly incompetent grasp.

He never quite succeeds. Picture then his dejected slumping and sighing, which brings yet more sympathy. Meanwhile the ex continues to shoulder the main burden of childcare.

Thwart him if you can, thename- keep good records, keep your wits about you, and tell people you trust about what is going on. When it's over, don't keep his secrets. But for now, stay safe.

Stay away from the vino name. It's not going to help anything and you need a clear head at all times to see you through this.

When you've got shot of the fucker you can have a bloody great big glass or several by way of celebration, but for the time being, don't give him any ammo, and more importantly don't make yourself vulnerable. The booze can make us say and do things we might think better of saying and doing stone cold sober, and I have noticed that some of your 'situations' or lettering your guard slip, have come after a couple of drinks.

I'm not preaching here and I hope it doesn't come across like that. I've been a prolific imbiber of the vino myself, but I just want you to have all your wits about you as you sort this fucker out once and for all.

I've said this to you in previous posts but on form, you are more than a match for him. He's nowhere near as clever as he thinks he is, and I know he's going to get the shock of his life when he realises that you have the ability to outsmart, outwit and outmanoevre him. Then I think the bastard will really show his true colours and I just want you to be on top form to take whatever he throws at you.

I don't think I've ever been as emotionally invested in a thread as I am yours, and it's the first place I look when I log on to MN.

You go girl - we are all here rooting for you.

Lettering?

I mean 'letting' of course.

Just de lurking to say I'm cheering you on, what an absolute knob head your stbxh is, and well done for finally seeing him for what he really is xx

You really have to shut down on this man now. Do not engage with him at all except for emails or texts, but emails are better for recording. He won't let up with this now as was predicted on your old thread, he can't stand the idea of losing control and he is ready to do battle.
Your best defence now is disengagement, believe me, I talk from experience. When he says jump please do not ask him how high. Do not get caught up in the whirlwind he is trying to suck you into, keep focused on the fact that this is him being a nightmare as he no longer has the upper hand and is seeing it all slip away before his eyes, he has no more power over you.

Woah Fontella thank you, great words of advice properly heeded there! not at all preachy, just proper bloody common sense.

For too long I've been seeking comfort in wine, numbing myself and not thinking clearly and you are right, big explosive situations happen after a drink. That's it I am off it until my situation is sorted!

Thank you trackr I get it, that is a really clear picture you've painted there and defo all the more reason for my wits to be around me

Annie gosh they're terrible aren't they? Where do they get these ideas from, it's pathetic! Glad you're out the other side now!

Thanks everyone - h has called, he's out, having a few pints and has started carrot dangling again about a great future haha! (Yes i am going to have one actually ).He also thinks I should try only having 2-3 wines - doesn't want me to stop completely pah haha!

Don't worry I'm not going to take him up on that offer - i am officially detoxing and don't want to go to any pubs at the weekend. I may also develop a UTI

Thank you

Weird that. What, he cant claim youre an alcoholic if you dont drink? How very dare you
You wanna watch out though, he'll start pulling the "you can tell the alcoholic in the room, theyre the only one not drinking" on you, next.

Sorry, thank you Hansel, great words there

Jesus Beyond you're probably right, he will develop a problem with me not drinking now. I have stopped in the past and he hasn't been comfortable with it actually - another bloody slap forehead moment - using my own drinking habits as another form of abuse and control - ewww!