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Dating Thread 80

(1000 Posts)
UrsulaBuffay Sat 23-Aug-14 15:38:46

As we were saying...

BeforeAndAfter Sat 23-Aug-14 15:46:14

Remembering that line always makes me laugh. I truly have no idea Folk in terms of their interest. I'm guessing it was opportunistic. If their willingness to dine out with me was based on sexual attraction it was kept under wraps. I only have that two-way frisson with one male friend and we both know it's there and have acted on it blush

I do see signals and I do flirt a lot if I'm interested (but never in a professional context). Stiffy man was someone I met at business school and we work in the same field. He was brilliant through my divorce and even offered to lend me money if XH had left me short (he hadn't) and when he said that I just thought he was a true friend.

My Mum used to snort in a cynical fashion and tell me to watch out when I'd talk about meeting these men for dinner. She's always said men and women can't be friends - I just thought she was wrong and old fashioned now I think that she was probably hit upon by friends' husbands and work colleagues. She was a bit of a looker in her day and she's not too shabby now, in her 80s.

lottieandmia Sat 23-Aug-14 16:21:56

I'm meeting someone new tomorrow for a coffee date. He seems a bit full on but we'll see.

dontcallmehon22 Sat 23-Aug-14 17:33:27

Good luck lottie

Thread 80 already! I've been here since thread 62!

Handywoman Sat 23-Aug-14 17:41:15

Been for second date already with MrSwoon! Pub lunch, very nice too. Relaxed and really really enjoyed his company. He is a soppy bugger, many nice compliments and said he didn't want me to go home! But I had to do a runner, need to take things a lot easier, I explained this to him. He is fine just rather erm, keen! I am keen too, just petrified in equal measure!

Time Out for me for a bit. Someone please reassure me that this petrified-ness is normal.....

UrsulaBuffay Sat 23-Aug-14 17:43:03

I know I kept double checking when I typed 80! I've lurked since 67 or something

dontcallmehon22 Sat 23-Aug-14 18:00:50

I think so handywoman. I'm terrified too. He sounds lovely though!

UrsulaBuffay Sat 23-Aug-14 18:07:28

Good luck Lottie and wow handy woman what is with men being either full on or non contact? Can't they just be normal?!

Justatoe Sat 23-Aug-14 18:19:34

Have a second date tonight. .In some ways this is more nervy than the first!

AndCatMakesThree Sat 23-Aug-14 18:24:19

I think I've been here (on and off) since thread 20-something. That's scary!

Justatoe, who's the second date with? I agree about second dates being more nerve-racking than first dates.

Handywoman, sounds as if you both really like each other. But yes, I get a bit of the petrified-ness sometimes too!

jesy Sat 23-Aug-14 18:51:22

I think it's coz I'm not feeling well , but bit upset that Mr IT didn't answer my text about maybe doing something mondsy and I think I know why and I could kick my self now but I know back tracking won't do any good and just leaving him to it tonight will be so hard.
We were going great guns this am but he out tonight and suddenly I'm not happy
He texted and said keep resting you you've not been well and then our little joke but I don't know I don't want to end it with him
Tbh I want to go back to college in Sept and can't be bothered to date
Don't really need advice just hand holding

UrsulaBuffay Sat 23-Aug-14 20:12:18

We're always here Jesy smile

lottieandmia Sat 23-Aug-14 20:58:26

Des anyone think that friends with benefits can actually work? My experience of it is that it doesn't. Whenever I've tried to end any of the ones I've been involved with the person phones up and tries to hang on to it. And it's rarely straightforward. I think this is because people are not wired to be able to cope with those type of relationships. Since I've been single two former FWB have got in touch with me to ask if we could try seeing each other properly but I just feel that if I was meant to be with either of them before then I would have been.

jesy Sat 23-Aug-14 21:00:10

I'll be ok he texted sorry didn't ask u to town and put our private joke emoticons thingy x
I replied in bed ready for motd and casualty with pup night x

Jarlin Sat 23-Aug-14 21:39:59

Wondered where you had all gone!
I too, feel like I've been on the 'dating thread's' for far too long!!

before Your post (on the other thread) has made me reconsider my next move!
I had decided to give up OLD and join a well established agency for singles. It has different levels of membership including a matchmaking package (which I don't want) down to a package where you just go along to their various events which include dinner/dances, weekend pub meals, walks, discos (are they even still called disco's?!)
What I do like is that they have specific events for over 45's.

But now I'm wondering if it's even worth doing that, because, as you say, there are no guarantees that meeting men in r/l blokes is any better!!
It's all so, so disheartening!
I had a message from a guy the other day, who I know is a neighbour of a work colleague. She once dated him and said he was just 'weird'! Never married, never had kids (early 50's) craves female attention and is quite 'childlike'. I totally trust this woman's judgement.
I can remember him messaging me when myself and exDP split up back in 2011.
Another guy on there I knew from school. He is an unemployed, alcoholic who spends most of his days in our local Wetherspoons!
Add to that the ones who have probably been booted out for cheating or being abusive in some way, leaves - well, not much choice!
Even slow wasn't normal really wink as let's face it, he was emotionally unavailable.
I am older than most posters here, and believe me, the choice decreases tenfold the older I get.
My exDP cheated on me, but otherwise we had a lovely, normal life.
I sometimes wonder if I should have stayed with him.
We were compatible in so many ways and that seems so impossible to find.

All I want is someone to share the good times with.
I don't understand why it seems so impossible to achieve!

On a positive note, my daughters work colleague told my daughter he thought I was a MILF!

Sat home alone again tonight apart from some wine.
Is this really it for the rest of my life?!!

dippingtoegently Sat 23-Aug-14 21:49:12

Don't know Jarlin but I'll join you!

BeforeAndAfter Sat 23-Aug-14 22:25:27

Jarlin I truly don't believe that this is it. I'm 48. I had an amazing life with my XH. He had an affair and I walked away from a seriously nice life after trying to make it work. I have never regretted that decision. Even in all my pining for the Scot I know I left him for good reasons. Five months later I've only just started sleeping through the night again and that despairing loneliness seems to have gone. He's been so hard to get over but I know I'm still not ready to date. I half-heartedly dabble online but it doesn't interest me and I do believe that I have to feel happy in myself to successfully date otherwise I'm a dross magnet.

I've thought about an agency too. At least then there's a human being making choices and not an algorithm. My concern about agencies is much like the paid sites - just how many suitable guys are actually on their books, whatever the marketing waffle? I'd hate to hand over a four figure sum and end up dating POFman.

I do a lot of stuff where I meet men and even at 48 I feel attractive to them and don't worry about that side of things. Even now I have that tubby snubby chap chasing me for a drink and the law of averages tells me I'll trip over a fanciable one who wants to date me at some stage. My problem is that I just have so many non-negotiable criteria they have to meet that my eligible pool is tiny and given my recent attempt to live with someone I know what really matters to me on that score. Fundamentally right now though I don't have any libido so I don't have the urge to date. The two seem very interlinked for me.

redundantandbitter Sat 23-Aug-14 22:46:24

Another one here watching Casualty and hoovering intermittently as kids are away. .

Date 4 with Me Keen tomorrow . He's got a whole day lined up involving cake / music events/ food etc. mentioned an art gallery on Monday . I'm concerned about tomorrow night. I reckon he's expecting / hoping to stay over . We've snogged but nothing more. He's a nice guy. He's lonely and just wants to share .. I totally get that.

But I don't have another 'great love affair' left in me after knob head left me. I told Mr Keen the above . I suggested he stays on POF to keep his options open . But he's deleted his profile AND the app .

I feel like he's putting all his eggs in one basket. My basket. And it's making me all jumpy. Do others get like this after being very hurt?


Jarlin Sat 23-Aug-14 22:52:20

I know what you mean about the non negotiable criteria. Me too.
I even dismiss men wearing jewellery in their photos! And tattoos.
Oh and children under 18 shock
It's not as if I can afford to be fussy!
My libido isn't high at the moment either, but I do crave cuddles and just being in a mans company.

The agency seems pretty organised. They seat an equal ration of men:women and ask the men to move seats etc.
I think I might do it just to get a social life going as my Meetup group organisers all slag each other off and one is a complete control freak! I can't be arsed with all that drama!
It's the only Meetup group around here for anyone over 40!

The only problem with the agency, is going alone. Their information is reassuring though, they stress their understanding of the difficulties faced by 'first timers'.
Their events are also quite expensive as they are held in really nice venues. (Best check out eBay for some cocktail dresses smile )

So once my month with Match is up, maybe I'll give it a go.

I still secretly hope slow will have a change of heart once he is back from his holiday and his kids are back at uni/school. hmm

BeforeAndAfter Sat 23-Aug-14 23:10:13

The agency sounds good Jarlin - just my cup of tea. I'm lucky as I'm quite happy to pitch up at things like that alone. In fact I prefer 'hunting' alone otherwise I'm more interested in the girlfriend I'm with!

Redundant you might be feeling like you do because he's clingy and needy and it suffocates you rather than because you've been hurt. I had a clingy one and loathed it (although the attention was a refreshing novelty at first) but then it was like having an emotionally incontinent puppy around all.the.fucking.time. I dreaded seeing him in the end. It only lasted as long as it did because I'd made lovely plans for his birthday so didn't want to spoil that.

knittedknickers Sat 23-Aug-14 23:12:11

Jarlin - I too am completely jaded by OLD (and yet annoyingly addicted to checking the sites). I'd be really interested to hear your experiences of real dating - that's something that wouldn't have occurred to me. I hope you try it as it sounds promising...not that I'm suggesting you should do it as a guinea pig for all of us!!

I have heard lots of talk of 'meet ups' on here - are they organised by or do you mean general social groups??

Jesy - glad you're feeling better

BeforeAndAfter Sat 23-Aug-14 23:15:39

What about setting up your own Meetup group to do something you like Jarlin ? I'm tempted to start one myself at some stage.

BeforeAndAfter Sat 23-Aug-14 23:20:09

Knitted is a social site. You can google it. They do dating groups as well as social but I use it for socialising only and I think it's fab. I've always kept dating and social sites quite separate and tend to go for mainly female social groups on Meetup.

Jarlin Sat 23-Aug-14 23:20:49

Just google 'Meetup' - there are groups everywhere. They can be social groups, mutual hobbies, anything! Anyone can set one up.
If we all lived near each other we could have a 'Jaded daters' group and go out on the hunt together grin drown our sorrows with copious bottles of wine every weekend.

Jarlin Sat 23-Aug-14 23:23:09

A few crossed posts there!

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