Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Being DRY

(993 Posts)
Bigglesfliesundone Sun 11-May-14 09:39:22

This is the fourth thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol completely.

It's an arduous path at times, but we're still here!

We know how easy it is to slip, and how hard it can be to stay on the road, but we also know that we can't drink 'just one'.

The thread motto is 'Watch the film to the end'

smile

Come and have a coffee!

nochips Sun 11-May-14 11:23:55

Am here!

smile Just putting the kettle on now. Thanks for the new thread Biggles.

Fuckitthatlldo Sun 11-May-14 11:24:10

Just wanted to post some virtual moral support to all those trying to stay sober.

I will celebrate a years sober on the 5th June this year. It's been a long road to get here, and there was a time I never thought I'd make it, but all so worth it.

In the end what worked for me is going to AA and working the 12 steps. I found that it gave me the tools I needed not to pick up that first drink, but also that it gave me the tools I needed to really enjoy sober life. I've found a level of peace and comfort I never thought possible. I realise a lot of people are put off by what they feel are religious undertones, but I'm essentially an atheist and was still able to make it work for me. Might be worth a try if nothing else is working?

I know what a struggle it can be to stay sober, so one day at a time, and lots of love. I hope you are all well and hangover free today!

dripty Sun 11-May-14 15:37:41

With regards to AA meetings:
There is one in my local town every Monday evening and have contemplated going.
Do. I need to join first or do I just turn up unannounced?
Also, do. I go to a local group where I may bump into someone I knowshock or venture further afield where the chance if that happening is less?

Fuckitthatlldo Sun 11-May-14 19:29:21

You can just turn up Dripty. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You are under no obligations to do anything, or to keep going if you decide it's not for you.

I'd just go to your local group. If you did bump into someone you knew, they'd only be there for the same reason as you - might be nice to see a friendly face, no?

You should receive a warm welcome. You can ask some of the female members for their numbers (they'll be happy to give them to you) and then you'll have other women in the recovery process you can ring for support if you need to.

HTH

dripty Sun 11-May-14 19:34:10

Thanks that does help.
Think I will go as the more support the better.

LoveSardines Sun 11-May-14 19:44:21

Just marking my place smile

Hope you are all well.

merce Sun 11-May-14 19:59:03

Marking my place too.

Yes, Dripty, I do AA too and it has been total life-saver. So much about finding the tools to deal with (and hopefully enjoy!) life. Dropping the ego, taking responsibility for one's own actions etc. It may sound bonkers, but I am almost glad I got a big booze problem or I wouldn't have stumbled upon this cool way of living. Weirdly not all about booze if that makes sense. And am also an athiest!

Fuckit - well done on your (nearly) year! I am 2 years and a bit. The first year felt like the most massive achievement. Still feel very close to the memory of what it 'used to be like' tho, so no complacency here! Had to do a chair on Sat and was v. good for me to recall the horrific places alcohol took me to.

I have just got one of those wrist band things that measure your daily steps and also (God knows how) monitor your sleep patterns. It charts when you go into deep/light sleep, how many mins it takes you to fall asleep, whether you wake up during the night etc. Good motivator to walk loads and was really interested to see that I get loads more 'deep/quality' sleep than most people my age (apparently - according to some data from them comparing my stats with the ave for women my age wearing the band). I am convinced it's mainly because I'm sober. In the early days I found it really hard to get to sleep like most people - used to passing out pissed….. But once I got through that I found the quality of my sleep was SO much better. I used to fall asleep drunk and then often wake up or be restless during the night as the booze was working its way through my system.

Happy AF evening all!

xx

nochips Sun 11-May-14 20:00:01

Hi everyone.

mab are you here. smile My trigger times is with dinner time with DS also. I am just shattered by dinner and my resilience is low so I am quickly thrown off stride. I hope so that everything is resolved at work tomorrow. Best of luck. thanks

Fuckit thanks for dropping in. Nearly a year! I can hardly imagine it for myself. Day 2 for me today.... but I have 38 pounds in my coin jar so that means 38 days since March AF. Unheard of. Likedripty I am also afraid of running into people I know at AA. I was even planning sitting at the pub next door to see who goes in just in case. blush

I am okay today. No real desire to drink, but so tired and the whole parenting thing has depleted me today. DS is in bed and so am I. I am really enjoying the Ann Dowsett Johnston book 'Drink; the intimate relationship between Women and alcohol'. It is well researched, includes alot of UK-based research as well and goes into topics like why women drink; how the way women drink differs from how men drink and such issues as public policy around health and alcohol advertising etc. It identifies that most women drink in order to deal with depression, moods etc. I am getting alot out of it, and have ordered some books about the links between alcohol and depression now. That is striking a chord in me.

Anyway, I can really recommend it.

venusandmars Sun 11-May-14 20:48:07

Dropping in to wish everyone all the best.

Love the new thread name, although I'd change the way that the Upper & Lower case is ..... to ..... BEING dry

Because I know that ultimately, being is the most important thing - being all that you can be, being you, being sober, being in control, being a conscious and thinking Mum / wife / partner / daughter / friend....

Ad for those at the early part of this journey, please know that eventually 'dry' is the smaller part, and BEING is what it's all about smile xx

behindthescentedcandless Sun 11-May-14 21:01:37

Marking my place. Great to see a new thread, I find the posts inspiring and encouraging. I will be 8 months sober in a few weeks and I feel amazingly proud. I have gained weight as I have mentioned before, but my skin is much better looking, and my moods are more stable. I also sleep much better and am less irritable and angry. I get more done and spend more quality time with kids at weekend. I am also better at my job.

So, hurrah!

hyperhops Sun 11-May-14 21:06:11

evening all.
very brief hello form me and thanks for new thread grin
looong day visiting dsis today. went ok though, although she had bought a bottle of wine for us - but was fine when I declined and said I just felt I needed a break from drinking for a bit. grin
anyway totally exhausted so off to bed now.See you all tomorrow

allhailqueenmab Sun 11-May-14 21:36:01

hi all, thanks for the new thread.

Can't think of much to say right now... just marking place

So grateful to have what I have: my family, my house, my health (I have yet another cold, but you know what I mean). All so precious and so tenuous. Having a cup of tea and holding tight

SlippedDisco Sun 11-May-14 22:26:04

Just marking my place and checking in with Team Dry!

Thank you fuckit and venus, lovely to 'see' you here smile

mab just caught the end of the old thread - you've had a tough weekend by the sounds of it, hope tomorrow goes well. Yep, I'm also grateful for the good things, keep on keeping on, you're doing so well x

nochips £38 is brilliant! I'll check those books out; I've battled anxiety and depression for what must be the majority of my adult life, but I suspect I have been in a bit of chicken/egg trap with low moods and booze. I could kick myself for not stopping drinking sooner, feel like I've denied myself the chance to be happy for years. But I couldn't see the wood for the trees and I've had some pretty awful luck/things happen in life, so I realise that also played a part and I can't undo any of it or the way I dealt with it, just move forward the best way I can.

candles a 'Hurrah' from me too, you've every right to feel proud!

Waves to everyone else - I'm off to bed after a long day, was at the gym by 9am this morning, I'm such a freak these days and I love it grin

Night all!

skippy84 Sun 11-May-14 23:13:37

Hi everyone, day 3 here but am seriously committed to a future without alcohol. I'm worn out from its negative presence in my life. Starting treatment tomorrow. Looking forward to hearing your experiences

Bigglesfliesundone Mon 12-May-14 09:13:42
merce Mon 12-May-14 09:25:07

Hi Skippy - welcome! And well done on your 3 days. The first days are so hard. Totally agree with you about how exhausting and all-consuming alcohol can be in one's life. SO SO worth giving it the boot. I feel I have got my life, sanity, and so much TIME back. Time that used to be spent drinking, regretting drinking, feeling shit, planning ways of staying away from drink (all in vain, obv) and then planning how to drink again. On a loop…… Hope treatment goes well. Residential or day?

And thanks Biggies for posting links to old threads. I think it is hugely helpful to read other people's experiences and realise that we are not alone.

guggenheim Mon 12-May-14 09:30:16

Hey all,

Hope you don't mind me dropping in for some advice. I'm an alcoholic but with AA & the babes I was sober for 13 months. Then I hit a block in my recovery,by which I mean I decided to drink again to see if I could manage the booze.

Nothing disasterious has happened but my drinking has crept right back up on me to the point where I am drinking again on 4/7 nights in the week. I know where this is going and realise that I need to put a stop to this again by getting my arse back to aa.

I think that the point of my post is that I need to be honest and to see that in print and i need some advice.Anyone got anything to say about lapsing and then going back to aa?

When I was sober I dealt with all kinds of stupidity from my past but I got stuck on the ability to deal with everyday life,and crap - I think everyone finds that hard.How do I manage long term sobriety? Maybe I'm the kind of idiot who can only do 6 months or 1 year??? I've noticed that there are lots of articles from people in early recovery - perhaps up to 1 or 2 years and then it goes a bit quiet.

So any advice on staying sober long term as well as getting sober????

Hope my post doesn't come across as arsy- not intended that way smile

nomorequotes Mon 12-May-14 09:32:59

I was going to come on and recommend Cod Liver Oil tablets but I see you are talking about a different type of 'dry'!

As you were...

funkybuddha Mon 12-May-14 09:49:39

Hi everyone, I was here for the first thread, managed about 3 months off it then Christmas came around and I had just the one. I also had just the one several more times and of course slipped back into it. Trying to look positively I have proven to myself that there is no such thing as just the one so the next time I want to have "just the one" I will be able to draw on this experience. So, I've been alcohol free for 3 and a half weeks this time round. My husband has given up too, the last time we drank there was an almighty fall out and something happened which nearly broke our family apart...amazing what alcohol can do to you. We had the choice, choose alcohol or choose our family.
Anywho, hello to everyone, again!

hyperhops Mon 12-May-14 09:53:20

skippy Hi!
gugg hi. can't help with long term sobriety as only on 2 weeks here, but well done for getting back on track. I know exactly what you mean about drinking "creeping" back up. Every now and then I used to cut way back to drinking "sensible" amounts but it never lasted. I was always soon back up to drinking 4/5 nights a week and at least a bottle of wine a go blush

right, just popping by briefly. Am about to head off to my second counselling session. Very nervous and have been trying to come up with excuses all morning not to go, but will stick with it.
will be back later. hope everyone else is ok.

merce Mon 12-May-14 09:57:57

Hi Guggenheim. I do AA and have been sober just over 2 years. Lots of people in my group have come back after a relapse so I would say try not to beat yourself up about it. In many ways I imagine it is just further proof that (sadly)we CAN'T drink normally/control our drinking. So can give you even more resolve. I think it's a good idea to try to find an AA group where there is lots of good sobriety - plenty of people with a long time sober. Meetings can be so varied as anyone who has done AA knows. I am incredibly lucky as I found a 'home group' full of fabulous, smart, funny people - many of whom have 20 years-ish sobriety. I was always advised to stick around the people who have been sober a long time so whatever they 'have' can rub off on you.

And hi, FunkyB. That sounds so familiar. I used to be an argumentative bitch when I drank. The number of times I would row with my DH and end up storming off to sleep in the spare room. ALL to do with alcohol I now realise…… At the time I thought I had 'genuine' grievances when in fact I was just an argumentative drunk. Shaming tho it is to admit….. Well done to you for choosing your family thanks

guggenheim Mon 12-May-14 10:41:27

Thank you - some good advice there flowers

I know that the first thing to do is admit to being powerless over alcohol but somehow with time,my brian convinced me that I knew better. My aa groups are a bit of a mixed bunch too but the wimmin's group is great so I shall head back there.

I'm an argumentative bitch when drunk too,that and stupid behaviour while out with friends was what made me want to get sober in the first place.

It's so strange how my drinking has crept up. I think that the difference is that I know that those 'one or two' glasses really do matter and try not to make excuses even though I haven't been in control of my behaviour. Actually,think I'll stop analysing because I'm beginning to sound nuts!

skippy84 Mon 12-May-14 13:24:58

Hi everyone seeing my addiction counsellor at 3 and have butterflies in my stomach. If anyone has been to a counsellor can you let me know what I might expect from the first appointment.

allhailqueenmab Mon 12-May-14 14:02:03

Hi everyone!

Guggenheim - I have been reading this

www.amazon.co.uk/The-Happy-Addict-Alcoholism-Addiction/dp/0957321716

It's about life after addiction. It's really great about being long term happy without alcohol (or your drug of choice)

I really like this writer, Beth Burgess. She is honest about the fact that alcohol does do a job (she used it to deal with bad anxiety, and got addicted). She is a really credible writer on this stuff and I really like her take on the need to not just stop using, but to be actually recovering.

I don't quite deserve to read that book as it is for those who have really stopped and I am only on day 8! But I am reading it anyway in conjunction with another short one about giving up itself:

www.amazon.co.uk/The-Recovery-Formula-Addicts-getting/dp/0957321708/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_y

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now