Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Women watching porn

(261 Posts)
OhGodAmITheOnlyOne Wed 11-Dec-13 20:35:44

I've name changed and also posted about this in chat, but thought I might get better response here. This is 100% genuine. I occasionally look at porn or read erotic stories because it gets me in the mood. I don't know if DH knows, but I was wondering if it's common, if many women do? Or am I an awful person? hmm

Leavenheath Sun 15-Dec-13 02:15:24

I did say about erotic fiction that at least you can be sure that no real people were damaged by the experience so I'm not sure how I gave the impression that reading fiction was 'wrong'. Any more than reading chick lit, horror stories or Take a Break is 'wrong'. I don't suppose anyone's going to win any literary or journalistic prizes for it, but as a genre it has its place as long as no-one takes it too seriously or lets it affect their day-to-day lives.

hellowonderful Sun 15-Dec-13 02:16:49

I watch porn and read erotic novels too. I get turned on by fantasy whether it's visual or purely in my imagination. DH and I watch porn occasionally together and I know he has watched porn while we've been together.

I think it's because we're quite open and we have a healthy sex life it's not really an issue for us except for the morality of the porn industry issues. If it became a habit of mind or his consistently or if we were watching it and avoiding sex with one another it would become an issue.

Vivacia Sun 15-Dec-13 07:49:25

I don't think erotic fiction is in the same category as porn. I haven't come across any well-written stuff (so open to recommendations!).

Why aren't the porn fans addressing the question about the exploitative nature of porn? The damage done to women working within the industry? I don't understand how you can be proud and comfortable in your own skin of propping up such behaviour.

ZombieMojaveWonderer Sun 15-Dec-13 09:20:31

My husband won't watch porn anymore, after I showed him all the evidence of what actually goes on it makes him sick to his stomach. I tried to show a family member and he wouldn't believe me even with the evidence right in front of his face. Makes you wonder though doesn't it blush

redcarrot1 Sun 15-Dec-13 16:33:16

To be honest I find my imagination better than watching some scummy online porn and its completely ethical! I never understand why men can't do the same and have to rely on things being dished out to them visually.

stripeygreensocks Sun 15-Dec-13 16:37:50

I read something a while while ago about most men being turned on by visual things ( porn, partners dressing up etc) and women using other senses.

aaaaaaa Sun 15-Dec-13 18:18:28

I don't understand how anyone can be accepting of porn, knowing about the dangers of/abuse in the industry confused

how cam it be a turn on, when you know that??

genuine question...

SteeleyeStan Sun 15-Dec-13 18:56:02

I can't really watch it, due to own previous experiences. I really don't think there is a way to know whether something is consensual or not. Or that a person might have consented to pictures but not their distribution to masses (which is what happened to my own young self), or that they have not bitterly regretted and been damaged by the experience in which they consented to.

I know very well porn doesn't automatically mean abuse etc. but my own experience has certainly ruined it for me for life. I feel guilty being judgy about it, so really I'd prefer to stick my head in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist...

SatinSandals Sun 15-Dec-13 19:36:05

No-I much prefer a good story or film where you can use your own imagination.

SatinSandals Sun 15-Dec-13 19:36:46

Someone else's imagination is often irritating.

I read stories now and again. I used to use porn but went off it when I realised I could be wanking to a rape. Found it a bit offputting.

To the posters asking how can anyone defend the EEEEEVIL porn industry (within which many people have always done their best to produce material in fair conditions with consenting participants etc and a small but growing number of people are trying to raise standards of safety and wellbeing for performers etc): How ethical are your shopping choices when it comes to clothes, electronic goods, jewellery, food etc? How sure are you that your new jeans/phones weren'd made by child labour, or slaves locked into unsafe factories and earning 3p a week? There is a big problem with exploitation across the board in a capitalist society - people who enjoy porn 'live with themselves' the same way everyone else does: either trying to choose 'fairtrade' supply, seeking out craft producers, or just hoping that the stuff they just bought is fairtrade but not going the extra mile to seek out confirmation. Just like you do with your cut flowers, or your nail extensions (quite a lot of trafficked people these days are put to work in nail bars...)

PipkinsPal Mon 16-Dec-13 17:26:40

Nothing wrong in women watching porn. My exH used to refer to it as a "bump start".

Vivacia Mon 16-Dec-13 17:36:58

What's your arguement SGB? That other things are bad, so porn can't be? Or that porn is bad, but are so are other things, so that's ok?

Andy1964 Mon 16-Dec-13 17:41:50

SolidGoldBrass

Well said. Good post.

Alot of women don't watch purely because the demand for it is predominantly from men.
(where there is a demand for anything, porn, cheap clothes etc etc there will be a supply)

My DW and I will watch now and again, its good for some foreplay and we never get to see the end ;)

There is a big problem with exploitation across the board in a capitalist society

I agree and I do my best not to support exploitation (not that I believe that's 100% possible unless you are extremely rich or some sort of luddite hermit). However ...

If I buy cheap clothes, they still work as clothes - they keep me warm, cover my bits. Similarly, electronic goods will still work for their intended purpose, cut flowers still look pretty etc. no matter how they are produced. Porn, for me, simply stopped working once I learnt more about the industry.

I suppose I could spend time looking for 'ethical' porn now that I know such a thing exists but I don't feel any worse off just sticking to the written word which also seems a far safer bet to me.

I doubt very much that most porn users on this thread are going out of their way to look for the 'ethical' stuff.

aaaaaaa Mon 16-Dec-13 17:57:43

Fair point SGB, although i think there is a magnitude difference in being able to turn a blind eye in consumerism and getting sexually excited whilstwatching the explotation

Leavenheath Mon 16-Dec-13 18:03:13

I think you left out the majority porn consumer group there SGB.

The ones who actually don't give a shit how it's produced, as long as they get their orgasms for free.

As well as the group who actually get off on the abuse and select it precisely because there is sexual violence involved. Fairly sizeable group that, given the popularity of Rape porn.

Joysmum Mon 16-Dec-13 18:04:11

Hubby and I watch porn.

I think it's very easy to assume all women in porn are exploited but don't believe it's true.

aaaaaaaaaaaa (sorry may have misspelt that grin) - my point exactly

Joysmum, what proportion of exploited women is acceptable to you?

Vivacia Mon 16-Dec-13 18:13:00

Given the amount of evidence to suggest it's sometimes true Joysmum what probability are you happy with? Is it ok if only 15% of porn involves rape, exploitation and degradation of the participants?

I suggest readers who are interested in learning more check out the documentaries Hardcore and Date My Porn Star.

TheCrumpetQueen Mon 16-Dec-13 18:14:00

Can anyone recommend some good fiction and/or tasteful blue films? Also, I do enjoy porn but watch the stuff made by individuals and/or women. The crap on mainstream sites are fake and not sexy to me.

mintberry Mon 16-Dec-13 18:18:40

I do watch porn, I guess the exploitation of women in it is something I will have to look into because it's always been such a casual thing for me. I don't really think it does much good for me though, it's only really affected my life negatively when I think about it. My fantasies have become increasingly weird and so normal sex is not as interesting and I often use porn to procrastinate when I am supposed to be getting work done at my computer (she says, on mumsnet!).
These opt out porn blocks are supposed to be coming in soon, I am thinking I might just do myself a favour and leave all of the dodgy content blocked from our house.

Vivacia Mon 16-Dec-13 18:21:40

Seriously mint try one of the documentaries I mentioned earlier.

Vivacia Mon 16-Dec-13 18:22:20

(Posted too soon - was going to say that I advise you watch them not to change your mind, but to give you information to make an informed choice).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now