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Not sure I can take this anymore

(260 Posts)
Blossomflowers Fri 25-Oct-13 09:39:29

A bit of background,our relationship of 20 years has had its ups and downs, ( I could write and essay) we get on sometimes it not all bad, but he is terrible with money and our sex life is crap, in my mind and any normal person would think these factors are pretty important aspects of a relationship. Anyhow so DP and I got into a discussion last night after a couple of drinks, I told him I am very unhappy with the financial set up, he works 6 days a week but never has a any money and we really need to do something about a sex life. The trouble is he is impotent and has promised to try and get help, he has been to the GP but nothing ever came of it. I have stopped asking him to do anything about it as I feel he must want to do it for us ( well I did bring it up last night but he asked me what I was feeling) I have never made him feel bad about his problem, I really know it is pretty devastating for a man.

Last night we were initially talking calmly and he asked me if he managed to sort it out would I want sex with him, to which I replied of course I would but in the next breath he is laying all the blame on me and saying he is not impotent. and cannot have sex because I am "hard nosed bitch". I left him to his drink and went to bed, when he gets drunk he will say the most vile things and I just don't want to listen to it. The lack of sex over the past few years and really ground me down, my confidence is rock bottom. As I said in the beginning I am not sure I can take anymore, not sure what I am asking really just need to vent. He has so many issues but as a grown man surely these for him to fix.

mistlethrush Wed 18-Dec-13 13:56:43

No, you're not being mean, you are being a) sensible and b) realistic. You can't afford it. End of (in terms of what you say to your son). And point out that he's got £30k of stuff he can sell to get it himself if he wants it that much, (if he can be bothered to sell anything - again, not to be shared). You might want to stretch to a card. But I wouldn't blame you for not even doing that.

Don't let him (P) walk all over you still just because of DS's misjudged wish to be generous to P.

Jux Wed 18-Dec-13 15:13:21

Sorry, can't remember how old ds is. DD buys presents herself with her pocket money, has been since she was in y5 or 6 - though sometimes I've given lent her a bit extra. She's 14, in y10.

Blossomflowers Wed 18-Dec-13 15:26:22

MY DS is 13, he just feels sorry for dad. I said many times that he has made his choices, he choose not to be part of out family through his actions. It has been nearly 2 weeks and he has only called once, a call that lasted 2 minutes. Lots of txts saying "Just thinking of you mate" "miss you", " love you". I think DS will get it in his own time. It is not for me to engineer the relationship, I have no energy for that anymore, been managing for too long. I just feel such sorry for poor DS

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Wed 18-Dec-13 17:10:12

Hang on, it is the DS that wants a gift for his father. Are you saying the father should sell his stuff to give his son money to buy him a present? That seems reasonable. I misunderstood and then got it I think as I read it blush.

mistlethrush Wed 18-Dec-13 19:02:45

No, I'm suggesting that if the father 'needs' it he can buy it for himself. So its not as if its essential. If DS wants P to have a gift he can get him something he can afford to get from his pocket money - or make something (I'm sure Blossom wouldn't object to some flour and sugar and electricity for some biscuits for instance...)

Blossomflowers Thu 19-Dec-13 09:26:50

Well it has been 2 weeks today and P has still not tried to make any arrangements to see DS. I find it a bit incredible really. I know if I txted P and said he should meet him he probably would but I don't think I should.
mistle good idea about biscuits. I am going to give DS his allowance tomorrow and he is going into town. What he spends his money on his his choice.
Today is a better day, beautiful sunny day and saw a deer bounding across the field on the school run.

Also listening to the news about that poor girl Jayden and how heart broken her family must be, puts things into perspective really, just imagine having to go through something like that sad

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Thu 19-Dec-13 17:40:30

I saw the news too with the footage of the accused and it is just terrible. Obviously awful at any time of year but especially at Christmas with it being such a family time for lots of people.

I worry about the world I have brought my three children in to to be honest.

Blossomflowers Fri 20-Dec-13 09:24:01

I sat on my own all last night DS in bedroom doing teenage stuff. I felt a great sense of loneliness and loss BUT I asked myself the question would I want him sitting here next to me the answer was no.

Gave DS his allowance this morning so if he chooses to spend on his dad then so be it, but can't help feeling angry that for all the shitty horrible things P has said and done to DS he still sees his dad as a victim. My emotions are all over the place right now. How to do a supermarket shop later and seeing couples together make me irrationally angry.

Loggins Wed 25-Dec-13 01:05:48

Hey Blossom
I hope you have a very Happy Christmas x

Jux Wed 25-Dec-13 01:51:59

Blossom, ds' emotions are all over the place atm too. I doubt he has any real idea of what he actually feels, and it will be different from one moment to the next. At his age, he knows there are emotions you can give full rein to, and emotions you are expected to control.

I hope your Christmas is peaceful and happy, despite everything. smile

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