Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

If you lost your virginity before the age of 16..............

(186 Posts)
THERhubarb Tue 14-May-13 13:25:42

Can I just ask, was it something you did willingly? Was your partner older than you or the same age and do you regret it now?

I guess this is leading on from the other thread about when people lost their virginity.

My dd is 12, nearly 13 and according to that thread, some posters were having sex at 13. I know this happens today too but I just wondered at the circumstances really.

THERhubarb Wed 15-May-13 15:08:42

It's very sad that young girls just want to get it all over with. sad

camaleon, yes I agree with your point about virginity. It's an old fashioned notion which has no real relevance anymore (although in feminist studies I was told that the penis was like a knife which entered through the woman's open wound (her vagina) and stabbed her repeatedly. The hymen breaking symbolised the murder of her 'self'. Oh yes, that really helped me to combat my fear of sex!)

Crinkle77 Wed 15-May-13 15:12:33

I was 15 and I was a willing participant. My boyfriend was 16 and he was my first love. He did not pressure me and we were together a few months before we did it so I knew he was not using me. I have absolutely no regrets at all. But I had my head screwed on for a 15 year old and would have said no if I felt pressured.

Pendeen Wed 15-May-13 16:09:44

THERhubarb

"Maybe Pendeen but that doesn't invalidate my experiences."

Your experience maybe but you made a sweeping generalisation with which I fundamentally disagree.

rubycon Wed 15-May-13 17:00:22

I was 15 and 10 months and dozy - pregnant at 16 and a mum at 17 and 15 days. That was 43 years ago when you were made an outcast and your baby taken off you. Bleak times.

THERhubarb Wed 15-May-13 18:13:33

Pendeen not sure what point you are making?
I made an observation about attitudes towards virginity. You are free to disagree of course. I don't think any of us are making sweeping generalisations here, just thinking out loud and sharing experiences.

Pendeen Wed 15-May-13 20:16:15

"Being a virgin is now looked on as more taboo than being sexually active"

Fairly sweeping generalisation IMO

Wishwehadgoneabroad Wed 15-May-13 20:42:20

rubycon

sad

Anna1976 Wed 15-May-13 21:28:22

I think something good that could come out of this thread would be ideas on how to talk to kids about all this stuff - developing from Curryeater's post of Tue 14-May-13 17:26:59 "The "values" that I was brought up with made me desperate and lonely, and seeking love and friendship made me far too malleable to people who used me. I want my girls to have good relationships of all kinds, friendships and romantic relationships, with good people, that they go into willingly with their eyes open, that nourish them and do not violate their self respect."

My sister wasn't legal, I was, but we were both in relationships that were damaging and to some degree abusive, neither of us had any self-respect, we both felt we had to perform for others in order to "be" anything.

I look on in horror as my sister blatantly passes those values on to her daughter. But an ugly failure of an aunt that Mummy and Granny say is ugly and unattractive, isn't going to be able to influence a 5 year old who desperately wants to be a disney princess because pretty girls get attention from important men like princes.

How to break the cycle of objectification?

THERhubarb Thu 16-May-13 08:49:59

Pendeen why the fuck are you picking on my posts? So you disagree that being a virgin is now a taboo in society? I happen to think it is. Is it really that much of a big deal that you feel the need to come onto a thread where people are talking about past abuse and their experiences to continually make picky points just because you don't think being a virgin is a taboo?

Have you nothing better to do?

And for what it's worth, no dear, that was not a sweeping generalisation. I would have thought it fairly obvious from the context of my post and this thread that this was an observation. Something I went onto explain to you in detail using very personal experiences. You must have a huge problem with me to go to this much effort just to prove that you are right and I am wrong. It's hardly the thread for that is it?

Anna1976 I don't see that much has changed unfortunately. Women still have to be pretty and willing to show off as much flesh as possible in order to get attention. That's what the media tell us. Newspapers are full of what who was wearing, pictures taken of celebs in bikinis, etc. And look at the criticism Susan Boyle got over her appearance and yes, her virginity. Look at the disgusting countdown The Sun did when Charlotte Church was about to turn 16.

I feel sickened by some of the experiences posted on this thread and very sad at the legacy they have left behind. It's a testament to the strength of you all though that you are willing to talk about it so openly and honestly.

MadBusLady Thu 16-May-13 09:44:21

THERhubarb, judging from a comment "Pendeen" made on the one night stand and lost driving licence thread, s/he has a problem with all kinds of people holding different views to him/her on this subject, so I wouldn't worry about it.

THERhubarb Thu 16-May-13 09:57:28

Yes MadBusLady I've just done a quick search as I wondered if she had some beef with me and I can see now that her style is quite argumentative for no real reason other than proving a point.

I was beginning to get paranoid there.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now