Dp says his disposable income is too low!

[mousiemousie]

Dp and I have average paid jobs; I work 23 hours a week, he is full time.

From his wages he keeps approx £450 per month to spend purely on himself and feels extremely hard done by that it is not more. I think this is not bad for someone with a mortgage and a young child and can't think that there are too many fathers who have much more than this as "pocket money". Who is right?!!

[EvesMama]

i have £10 a week and dp normally has £20..we do spend 'other' money over weekend..but i think £450 is way too much for a father and dp/dh..it should be split evenly between you and him allocating an amount for little one..greedy man!

[meowmix]

he's doing far better than me tbh. I wish I had that much just for me.

[expatinscotland]

That's a bloody fortune just to blow on himself!

He needs to grow the hell up.

[mousiemousie]

I am extremely unhappy in my job (tears every day) and if I change jobs our income may well drop a bit - I had thought that £450 for dp was fine but apparently its already pitifully low he says. He has recently given up smoking so has stopped spending £100 a month on cigarettes; most of it goes on computer parts and roll playing games.

[Kathy1972]

How does he have time to play the role playing games?

[Wordsmith]

That's crap Mousie - I can't understand the 'this is mine, that's yours' mentality when you have kids. Of course we all spend money on ourselves but to allocate a budget to it at the expense of other household expenses is just selfish. Does that include clothes, work lunches etc or is it just money he can fritter away on whatever he likes? If the latter then I would say £450 a month is a fortune and if you're on average income you must be doing amazing things with the rest of the household budget to allow him that much spare cash.

[PanicPants]

What on earth does he spend that much on?

We don't have that much to share between all 3 of us.

[alexsmum]

£450 a month to mess aout with ???????
what planet is he living on?????

[Dior]

Before children, dh and I used to have £200 each a month. Then, when ds was born, we had £50 a month. Now, following a pay cut about 3 years ago, we have a big fat ZILCH! If we want something, we have it for birthday/Xmas, or discuss it and buy it. The salary was re-instated when the company started doing better, but our pocket money never was!

Your dh needs to stop being so selfish IMHO.

[Hoopoe]

Wow - he needs to get a grip! Is he really that selfish that he'd rather have £450 pocket money a month than have a happy dp who enjoys her work? Being part of a family means sharing and doing what's best for the everyone, not just yourself...

[BeetrootOldDeer]

what are role playing games?

and how much do you have..desposable income?

[MerlinsBeard]

he should come and swap with us, we could make £450 stretch a looooooong way. Our disposable income is ZERO, infact at the moment we have more outgoings than incomings. If that was my DP i would be having "words"

[Ledodgyherring]

£450 pocket money is a hell of a lot imo and oh no to the role playing too! My friend's dp used to do this he'd be away for days on end role playing in his friend's house , nightmare!

[GDG]

If £450 a month doesn't cover his own personal 'luxuries' he's got a serious problem!

[expatinscotland]

If he wants more money he can go out and earn it.

Sorry, he sounds really immature and selfish.

[coppertop]

£450 isn't enough for him??? Presumably you don't have anywhere near that amount so it's hardly fair, is it?

IMHO he sounds very selfish. How old is he?

[Piffle]

Any disposable income is a bloody bonus
My sp earns a very good wage, I am SAHM, if he spent that much on himself in a month, birthdays aside I'd be bloody cross

[mousiemousie]

I am feeling quite suprised at dp feeling hard done by - I thought it was nothing to feel unfortunate about! Just to explain a bit more:

We have bought a second car recently - dp pays for tax and insurance on this, and petrol - but he only really uses this car once a fortnight, so definitely no more than £30 a month petrol. And he doesn't pay for repairs from the £450. So in fairness £60 or £70 each month is motoring expenses, although it is his choice to have a second car - I think it is a luxury we don't really need, that is why the costs of tax and insurance aren't out of our joint funds.

The £450 is supposed to cover buying his own shoes (but not other clothes) and buying presents for me (but not dd) and for his family (presents cost him about £150 a year, say £15 a month). He takes sandwiches to work and any days out/meals/cinema trips etc would be from the family budget not from his own money.

So maybe not quite as much as it seems, but I still thought it was quite good. How do I get him to realise that its not a paltry sum? I am so miserable at work that I need to get a different job for all our sakes and if we can't come to a solution between us I think it will sink our relationship

[wishfulthinking]

I wish...........! I have about £50 a month for me as does dh - which is for Xmas, birthday presents, holidays etc hence we don't go on holidays and we don't have presents (thats me and dh). I think I would be in seventh heaven if someone told me I had £450 a month all to myself. As already mentionend, please tell us the secret of your finances if your dp has that much for himself each month!!!!!! Tell him he's a very lucky chap.

[crunchie]

MM so out of that money he doesn't have to buy clothes, family days out and only presents for you! Does he pay for holidays?

TBH Dh and I are very fortunate we both have about £600 a month disposable income. BUT that money has to cover our pensions, life insurance, mobile phone, gym memberships, he pays for SKY TV! and NTL! I buy kids clothes out of mine. We also use that money for all our own clothes, presents, holidays (I pay bits he pays bits) and family days out.

So when you take all those out of our 'disposable incomes' we don't really have THAT much each. Yes as I said we are VERY LUCKY but your DH is in cloud cookoo land and needs a slap :o

[mousiemousie]

No, dp doesn't pay for holidays from this money and we probably can't afford one this year TBH.

Pension is already deducted from his salary, we have no life insurance/ gym membership/sky to pay for. DP does have to pay for his own mobile pay as you go (the phone was a present) but pretty much never uses it. He is quite frugal in many ways - he doesn't have many clothes and his haircuts cost £5. The money goes on upgrading the PC, books, computer games and Dungeons & Dragons things, a trip to the pub after work once or twice a fortnight so its not as if he has the obvious life of Riley with it all. I just thought it was a comfortable amount and clearly he doesn't.

[Nightynight]

450 quid a month to spend on himself

wish I had that. I dont think many parents of young children have that much disposable income. Why not put it in a fund for children's university? Sorry, Im with the others, he needs to grow up!

[Cappucino]

I saw an advert today for a 'personal housekeeper' at £8.50 an hour, for 'hoovering, shopping, cleaning, general housekeeping duties'

why don't you add up your hours doing the above and start moaning back at him that you aren't being paid your share

he's rolling in it by our standards....

[mousiemousie]

I am arguing that I want to persue a more vocational and less well paid path in the workplace and that we would both be need to cut back on our disposable income potentially to make this happen.

Dp doesn't think it is fair on him for me to earn less money than I do now. I think it will benefit us all if I am happier and hopefully if I also have a bit more free time to support dd and dp. It's a tricky one and I see no easy solution right now - either we carry on and I learn to deal with work better and try not to let it make me so unhappy, or else I think we may well split up which would mean selling the house, moving to a cheaper area, making poor dd change schools and all the awful rest of it.

I am feeling constantly tearful this week (wearing sunglasses to pick dd up from school)- I feel that I have messed up my life a lot by making some poor choices of career (and tbh not such a great choice of dp either) and now my poor dd may have to suffer as a result . right now I hate myself - but that seems self indulgent

[nutcracker]

I think it's disgusting that he has £450 to spend on himself when you can't afford a family holiday.

Got his priorities a bit wrong if you ask me.