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Twirling body builders, dominant alpha males and been hurt in the past-Dating thread part 29

(1000 Posts)
Milkandlotsandlotsofwine Sat 17-Nov-12 17:42:16

Took the liberty of starting a new thread. blush

Off you go ladies and gents...

OhWesternWind Fri 23-Nov-12 16:11:36

Juliette - definitely don't want to see him then if that's the case <holds nose and runs away>

The doctor, hmmm, well, he does sound just a little self-absorbed and up his own doo-dah. And a raging snob, possibly a little patronising/sexist - not sure I'd be bothering again, unless he's got something we don't know about going for him.

NicholasTeakozy Fri 23-Nov-12 16:24:08

OWW your ex is a twat, but you don't need me to tell you! grin

Also, like LM when I'm ill or in pain I just want to curl up and not contact anybody till I feel better.

OhWesternWind Fri 23-Nov-12 16:29:12

Thanks Nicholas - you're right, he is!

I am feeling a bit blush now for being fed up with LM. So glad I didn't say/text anything apart from nice supportive messages and the one about next weekend. Will resist any texting even after a couple of rums tonight

SkaffenAmtiskaw Fri 23-Nov-12 16:43:19

Hi all, so I don't check in for a couple of days and you lot post so much I don't even have time to catch up!

So I have 2 dates lined up now, well they're both first meetings really, rather than dates. One tomorrow afternoon with the frustrated writer and lunch on monday with the real ale buff. Funnily enough they both have the same first name.

I've also been chatting with another man but we haven't arranged to meet yet, it looks like it's going to be a while before we can coordinate our free time!

Right, off to read the thread and see what I missed. smile

bantamrooster Fri 23-Nov-12 17:18:55

Hmm. I'm of two minds.

I've got two dates lined up in the next week. The Venezuelan, seems intelligent, attractive, although we haven't mailed often enough for there to be a spark - it's taken forever to get mutual free time to meet.

and another one, I'm meant to drive an hour or so one evening next week. I'd planned both to be coffee, but I could get the train to the second one, and have some alcohol.

Now I know this whole concept of a quick meeting for coffee before risking the wine/beer/champagne and food thing is a good idea - it stops the issue of beer goggles, it means you don't have the awkwardness of spending two hours with someone you realise you don't like after 10 minutes.

But it's a bit businesslike, isn't it? Does it reduce the possibility of a spark when there's no letting down of your guard? When I met the psychotherapist we had a drink for an hour or so in a starbucks. Starbucks isn't the most romantic place in the world - did that reduce the likelihood of long lingering glances? If we'd gone somewhere to have a beer or wine - just one or two - would that have maybe meant we would have been more flirty, more keen and not had the barriers up so much?

Should I plan just a little booze for a 'first meeting' - enough to take my barriers down and let my ready wit and charm come forth, instead of guaranteeing they stay up and possibly not fancying her as much as I could if I met her in a bar?

Yogagirl17 Fri 23-Nov-12 17:19:58

Oh yeah, forgot to mention that Gingerbread man asked if I wanted to meet for coffee but I'm kind of ignoring him/pretending I haven't seen it. I logged onto to POF very briefly and saw his message (maybe 2 days ago?) and haven't been back on since and my profile is hidden at the moment anyway. I know that's bad but I just CAN NOT BA.

Making lovely dinner though - chicken that's been slow cooking all day in a sweet/sticky homemade BBQ type sauce & homemade coleslaw. Yum. Really wishing I had a beer to go with it though. Bugger.

SkaffenAmtiskaw Fri 23-Nov-12 17:21:04

Commiserations to those of you having trouble with twattish exes, mine is being his usual selfish self (does that sound weird?)...

Sexting before meeting? Noooo, that would have me running for the hills!

Sorry I can't quite remember who said what...

Yogagirl17 Fri 23-Nov-12 17:25:16

Bant I've been wondering the same thing. The whole brightly lit coffee shop in the middle of the day thing doesn't exactly lend itself to sparks, does it? I've had drinks on a couple of first dates, some have led to 'sparks' and some haven't but even the slightly boring ones have definitely been a bit more fun with a glass of wine in me! Then again, I know I'll never drink a lot and always have my exit strategy planned in advance so i don't have to figure that stuff out afterwards. It works for me. As long as you think you can still trust your judgement I don't see the harm in a drink or two.

bantamrooster Fri 23-Nov-12 17:51:47

So here are some profile headlines which put me off immediately. Judge for yourself:

"looking for someon intelligent and normal gay to go exploring with.."

"Smart woman seeks cheeky chap. Must have good sence of humer and be inteligent"

"luking for my night in shinning armour!!!"

"No liars or cheats please! And no wankers!"

lulubellaboozle Fri 23-Nov-12 17:54:06

Er all of my OD first dates involved alcohol, just a glass or two to take the edge off! with the exception of one coffee date which I found really difficult for exactly all the reasons Bantam suggested.

I think if you can trust your judgement after one or two drinks and have a safe plan to exit and get home then for me it would win every time over a brightly lit coffee, even a pub lunch is better and if needs be you can scoff a sandwich pretty darn quick!

Broke all the rules with Mr Ex Army and did a Saturday lunchtime pub crawl with food to sustain us at 3pm, more booze and then snog before I headed off wobbled precariously to the tube!

Maybe the only rule is their ain't no rules !!

lulubellaboozle Fri 23-Nov-12 17:55:15

There not their

Yogagirl17 Fri 23-Nov-12 17:55:19

Oh, you're just spoiled for choice, u lukie boye!!! Think the woman looking for a normal gay might get a bit of a shock. grin

Right, I"m off to enjoy my chicken. There will be a lot of finger licking. I reckon that's the most action I'm likely to see any time soon!

mercury7 Fri 23-Nov-12 18:02:14

I can usually tell in the first few seconds if I feel a 'spark'
there are 3 possible reactions in those early moments
I would
I might
not a chance

'I might' usually changes to 'I probably wont'

NicholasTeakozy Fri 23-Nov-12 18:31:34

There's no need to blush OWW, you don't know this bloke properly yet. I'd say leave it a couple of days then ask how he is.

I get really irritated by men who try to tell me what I'm like. Who say they want a woman with her own mind but actually still want just a slight edge over her, who don't get me at all so make it up in their own heads.

I don't like men who say the following on a first date, and I've had this over and over.

'you don't seem intimidated by me'
'I'm very virile'
'My waist is a 32/34' (I don't think so, but I don't care, really)
'this is my wonderful jacket, do you like it?'
'what do you think of me'
'you are intelligent' (gee thanks)
'you're the first one to have worked that (some little test) out'
'you don't wear much make up'
'do you always wear heels/flat shoes'
'you do like your clothes don't you'
'you don't want to put a b or c in your profile, or people will think you are x y or z' (that will be your perception then)
'you're very (insert patronising/critical/sexist thing) aren't you'

In fact, I feel like saying I don't want you to tell me how I'm ^anything' because YOU DON'T YET KNOW ME hmm

That feels better. As you were.

Apparently its very easy to read my face. No wonder I don't get second dates.

bantamrooster Fri 23-Nov-12 18:56:55

I love the 'what do you think of me?' comment. Reminds me of the old joke..

'Listen to me, going on about myself.. what do you think of me?'

and did someone really say 'I'm very virile'?

I've had some boring dates, some disappointing dates, some oh-my-god-she's possibly-clinically-insane dates - although I think I've learned to screen some of the worst ones out now. You've obviously dated a lot of tossers.

Bantam yes, these are all comments I've had more than once. I have no way of verifying the truth of this, as I've managed to resist. One also told me he was in full working order, used to take viagra but now some other drug did it for him. I kid you not, he followed this up with "I can still come when I'm soft". Now call me picky but... grin

Yogagirl17 Fri 23-Nov-12 19:21:09

Juliette "I can still come when I'm soft"....uhm, a)ugh, b)kinda defeats the purpose, no? hmm

OhWesternWind Fri 23-Nov-12 19:21:55

Skaffen hope your dates go well. Are they both fairly promising?

Juliette funny/terrible in equal measure.

First dates - I had a coffee date and an ice cream date both sans alcohol - they were okay but a quick drink (or two or three or however many til you get chucked out at closing time) is much easier and better fun. No need for food, then you can make an excuse after the first drink if it's not looking good.

Yogagirl17 Fri 23-Nov-12 19:24:08

I once told someone I was quite bendy...but not on a first date. blush

Ooh didn't see the tossers bit. Yes, in the early days I did. Now I'm screening like mad but because there are so few to choose from I've been trying to give it the benefit of the doubt just in case I'm being picky. As least my twat radar is working, if this carries on I will have to consider lowering my age limit. It's odd, because my male friends my age are lovely, it's these men of a certain ilk who are rather entitled.

Oh dear Yoga so demanding!, you forget it's all about him grin. He said his exW wasn't interested in sex, I really think she might have been.

WhatDoesTheDogSay Fri 23-Nov-12 19:45:03

Hello all, I am so rubbish at keeping up with this thread, and hopeless at responding to everyone blush. But wanted to send a hug to western. (I also had to move house due to evil ex, who has no contact with DC). What a stressful and frustrating situation your ex has put you in - he's a complete twat. He's being so childish, selfish and cruel angry. Hoping with everyone else that he'll just sign the paperwork... Hope new man feels much better soon too.

Mme O - my asshole ex also threatened suicide, during one of my many attempts to end things. It's absolutely sickening behaviour, though seemingly common amongst abusive types. Hope it isn't getting to you too much, even though you know he's too self-important to ever actually do it.

Otherwise, I have a first-meet date for coffee next weekend. Numbers were exchanged with a view to making arrangements, but he's annoying me already by texting too much. Texting someone I don't know/haven't even met feels, in this instance, a bit forced and actually slightly invasive (he doesn't take the hint when I try to end a conversation - always texts another question. And I feel quite 'groan' when my phone beeps and I see his name!). Does this mean I'm just not into him? I'm probably going to give him the benefit of the doubt...

Oh, and bantam, I agree that meeting someone for the first time for drink or two in a bar setting is more relaxed and potentially sparky than coffee during the day. But the latter is perhaps a safer option for women? I mean literally, in terms of personal safety when meeting a stranger. Impossible Hard to strike the right balance with OD!

bantamrooster Fri 23-Nov-12 19:53:45

WhatDoes - yes I agree it's probably a safer option for women who don't know I'm not some lunatic - and I understand of course they have to be careful as they don't know me.

Problem is I'm normally the one who suggests coffee only, to avoid a repeat of a beer-goggles instance when I was new to OD - I was sober when she arrived, and disappointed because she really wasn't attractive, and could feel myself beginning to fancy her after 3 beers. I knew that I wanted to find her attractive while stone cold sober, so from then on it's generally been coffee as a first meeting.

Although - every date I've been on for coffee only, there's been no chemistry, now I think about it. And some with just a little alcohol there's been a mutual spark.

Yes, from now on I think I'll try and sort out just a couple of beers, making sure I avoid the goggles

juliette your suppository tip is most useful, thanks!! grin that's not the kind of loo update I was expecting!
Hmm, doesn't sound you were too impressed with the Dr.

I'm with the others re first dates, its not so much the alcohol, you can just have one, but it's more the ambience/setting. That shouldn't change how you feel about the other person, but it probably helps you feel more relaxed, show a more fun, personal, unguarded side to you and vice versa your date. That's when you get sparks. Or you don't. All my first dates involved some alcohol but hardly any I've wanted to see again because I could still tell after being my most amazing self wink it still didn't click with whoever I was out with. although in the beginning I may have still kissed some of them blush

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