The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Staying Springy In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse I have an shockingly abusive relationship with alcohol, mainly vodka.

This Bus is full of drinkers, non-drinkers, thinkers and Babes, all trying to find their way to a happy, sober life.

Some are there, some are almost there and some are not. It really doesn't matter, we're all in this together.

Why not find a seat? Everyone is welcome, drinking or drunk, come and say hello.

HERE is the previous thread, with a link to all of the other wonderful journeys so far............

[Fairenuff]

< nips over quickly to bagsy seat >
< nips back over to last thread before anyone notices >

[Greyhound]

I drank a lot this weekend. Bought four bottles of wine on Friday and only have half a bottle left - so, that's at least a bottle on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I opened a fifth bottle last night (trying to get as much drinking in as possible before the dreaded week of sobriety starts) but left it untouched.

I can't stand this anymore. I don't drive, thank goodness, or I would probably be in prison now. The secrecy of it all is awful too :(

[Casablancagirl]

Just logging on. I know I will still go home tonight and drink. DD is abroad, 3,000 miles away. I had to cat put to sleep 2 weeks ago. And the court case. I'm afraid drink seems the only answer just now.

[Casablancagirl]

Greyhound - don't drive!!! I did. 2 days in custody is not nice. Facing a prison sentence and the Crown opposing bail is terrifying. I have never prayed in my life before. Alcoholics excel in secrecy. I bet your vodka is in your knicker drawer. Mine is. You do just have to pour ir out and NOT GO OUT.

[dementedma]

checking in to bag seat before indie gets here.
casa the last sentence you gave to greyhound applies to you too. And me.
How much do you drink? Can you cut down if not able to go cold turkey? I KNOW this doesn't work for a lot of people, but even a mouthful less than normal is a positive, a glass less than normal is better again. Baby steps. And for God's sake, give the car keys to someone to keep.

[Casablancagirl]

My partner has said he will leave me if I keep drinking. We have only been together since end January. In that time he has dealt with me in custody. Sat in court all day. Brought my meds. Fed cat. Given DD message that 'mum is unwell'. Yet still, I drink and its oh so secret. Don't know what I am waiting for.

[helpyourself]

I don't know what you're waiting for either casa. Is DD with you tonight?

[Casablancagirl]

No she is abroad on a school exchange. Its just me. That's the problem.

[Greyhound]

Hi Casa Luckily, I don't have a driving license but if I did, I would have been in trouble by now. No voddie in the knicker drawer lol, my poison of choice is white wine. Having said that, I was musing recently whether I would drink anything alcoholic if wine didn't exist and I think I probably would.

When I was at school, some members of AA came to talk to us. I remember one lady saying that before she got clean she would stay indoors all day drinking a huge bottle of vodka. She said that she hated the taste of it but that was irrelevant. I know now what she means.

Casa you sound very down indeed. I'm so sorry about your cat - it is very hard to lose a precious pet. Would you say, in all honesty, that you have hit (or are about to hit) the notorious 'rock bottom'? Is it now time to seek help from an external source? A couple of babes on here have started going to AA and found it helpful. I don't think I have the courage to do that yet.

I am dying for a drink :( It feels horrible. Maybe I should just pour the bloody stuff down the sink.

Casa - Ma is right. It's tackling the drinking one step at a time. And you're right about the secrecy. My dh knows how much I drink. My parents have no idea. They know I like my wine but don't know that it's a bottle every bloody night.

Last week and the week before, I managed to stop drinking during the week. That is a huge step for me.

[Casablancagirl]

The only honest answer is that I have to ask DP for help. But at the end of the day stopping is down to me. Not sure am ready yet. I have already given him all the car keys (but if I was that desperate I would have the keys changed....). But he didn't sign up for this. He has his own 5 kids and bad divorce going on. And that is another thing I am struggling with. Oh and a gynae op 3 weeks ago. But I have to grow up and get on before DD comes home from NY. PS. I frequently throw up after vodka because I hate the taste of it. Just have to get the effect.

[helpyourself]

Casa that's really hard if there's no one around. Who have you told? If I were you I'd 'intervention' myself- time to burn some bridges so it's not a secret anymore.

I was desperate for something to happen- that I'd collapse spectacularly or total the car. From somewhere I had a moment of clarity and told my Mum and DH how much and when I'd been drinking, and the fact that I'd drunk drive- there was no going back then, no secrecy and I had to get to grips with my problem.

[helpyourself]

The help I got (and it was all I needed) was that there were 3 people, my parents and DH who knew whether I was drinking. I couldn't hide it any more, and once the option of annihilation without consequences was taken from me, it lost its allure.

[SarahRT]

My vodka used to be hidden all over the house Casablanca, the drawers under the bed were a good spot. One was too many, a thousand never enough.

Secret drinking is just another game we play, the tangled web of deceit. So tiring and damaging for all that love you. Hope the same amount of effort can be put into not drinking today as it did last week and for how ever long you have been caning it. Take the control back today.

Loads of other services apart from AA dependant on where you are, if you are ready you will find them.

Oh Greyhound, how crappy you must feel. You will feel better though if you get rid of it, have a cry, and eat something. Then start again. Not an exact science is it? x

[Casablancagirl]

My drinking has been a problem since at least 2003. I've done rehab 5 times. It ended my first marriage. I am lucky it hasn't cost me DD. But it will. And it affects my health. No bipolar meds work with booze.

[venusandmars]

help how did you manage that timing? I was having a nice little time on my own....

[helpyourself]

casa can you call anyone from rehab? Can you try and remember any advice from there that made sense at the time?

[helpyourself]

I was rather pleases with that Venus!

I did have a moments panic that I might have linked wrongly- the responsibility

[bibbitybobbitybunny]

lurk

[Greyhound]

Thanks Sarah. I'm having a cup of coffee and hoping for the best.

I have been thinking a lot about why women drink. In particular, why wine is the most popular drink. I think it is because it is marketed in a way that makes it attractive to women - adverts for wine show women drinking it, at home, with their friends. The marketing seems to be aimed at 30/40 something women.

Of course, if the adverts were accurate, they would depict a stressed and depressed woman drinking by herself, every night, in order to annihilate the boredom and depression. They would show her sleeping badly, waking up exhausted and hungover and hoping the empty bottles won't be too plentiful.

Casa I've got bipolar as well. I shouldn't mix the meds with booze but I do.

[venusandmars]

casa it sounds like you know what's going on, and you know some of the consequences. I know you've had some hard times recently, but I'm sure that like many of us it doesn't matter whether things are going well or badly, you will still find a reason to drink.

But you must know that it HAS to stop. Of course the drink driving must stop. But your drinking also has to stop if you are to end the destructive cycle. Is there anything at all within you that makes you want to stop? Can you find that glimmer of hope for yourself? And I don't mean the logical reasons like your dd, and your health, and your relationship, I mean the tiny, tiny feeling somewhere way deep inside that says 'I'm sick of this and I WANT to stop'.

Just sit for a moment and see if you can grasp that feeling. If you can just catch hold of it for a moment then we can start to help you, to make that moment last longer and longer, to grow that tiny feeling until one day its bigger than the feeling that makes you want to drink.

[Casablancagirl]

Greyhound - I think bipolar and alcohol are horribly linked and interdependent. I wish I just drank wine. I've switched to vodka (less odour, looks like water with sprite in it, no mess when spilt........). Plus Smirnoff is v cheap. Horrendous.

[Casablancagirl]

venus - I don't think am there yet. I need an alternative coping mechanism.

[Greyhound]

Casa I agree with you - there is definitely a link, in my opinion, between bipolar and drinking/addiction. It's a quick fix for depression and a way of increasing/inducing euphoria. Of course, it is fool's gold.

My aunt on my mother's side has bipolar and her father was a chronic alcoholic who died of a drink related illness when he was only 52. He never got sober. I wonder if he had bipolar? Bipolar definitely has a genetic link, as addiction seems to.

[swallowedAfly]

bipolar people are inclined towards addiction partly because it takes an average of 9-12 years to be correctly diagnosed so they're left to self medicate everything in order to try and feel ok. it is quite common to be diagnosed with an addiction first then bipolar later when the addiction has been brought under enough control to see what was lying underneath and was the initial trigger for so much substance use.

that's all by the by though because you are diagnosed now and you can get support in getting the right balance of meds for you.

and trite as it may sound you either want to stop drinking or you don't casa - if you don't in all likelihood from the look of things so far you are going to end up killing yourself, in prison or an institution and/ or having your dd taken into care. your relationship in all likelihood won't survive you drinking and your mental health definitely won't and your dd is at such an important age now.

do you want to stop drinking?

[ferfuxake]

Why does this have to be so bloody difficult? I was absolutely confident today would be my day 1. Just home from a lovely day out with the kids and haven't thought about booze all day but the minute I got back the wine was calling me. Am having an alcohol free Becks. Good, but not the same.

Welcome casa. Sorry I can't offer wise advice as I am a newbie too with no answers other than keep posting and don't worry about being judged. Good luck.