Mumsnet Talk

Continued from Makes post and in reply of:

Make just ask him. Why not? And of course you are going to be a bit of a mystery woman, he's only just blooming met you! Send him a message saying if he fancies unravelling a bit of the mystery then to get in touch because you would like to see him again. Be playful, be teasing, be fun, make him want you Make

I'm pleased you are having fun but I do have to ask, is all this dating costing you loads of money?? New outfits etc

Great minds think alike Time as I set up a thread within a minute of yours and called the same, I have hidden mine so it doesn't get confusing.

Ask him Make as he sounds as though he is keen

I waited ages before I took the plunge Zany, I expected someone to beat me to it.

Credit to PoppaRob for the thread title. I thought it very fitting!

Yeah, sod it, I'll ask him. What's to lose eh?

In answer to your question Time yes it is costing me a fair amount of money. I haven't bought anything new to wear (have a fail-safe date dress - works every time ) but drinks and travel cost a lot of money, especially in London. But I had a bit of money to play with after christmas and I just kind of thought sod it, what better to spend it on than enjoying myself...

Right. Must go and do hair and make-up, after stuffing myself with a plate full of pasta to soak up tonights drinks!

Great attitude Make, I'm loving it! More updates though please!

Ok quick update: Texted first date from yesterday to ask if he had a busy weekend coming up. He texted back, "How about you? You seemed vague..."

And so I took the plunge and texted, "I did seem vague didn't I... the honest truth is that I'm supposed to be going out with other people. But I've had some time to reflect on yesterday and I know I'd rather see you again if you would like to. I could cancel Sundays date maybe?

Am waiting for a reply....

Glad to see your taking charge Make

Make that you fessed to that and are offering to cancel too!

From vague to too keen

Make will be intersting to see if he is OK with the fact that you are fessing up to playing the field. I would normally keep it to myself in the beginning, as IME they don't like competing. Has he replied yet?

I admire your assertiveness Make! How long are you going to give him to reply?

Adams I don't think it matters a jot whether this man is ok to Make fessing about about playing the field. They've only had one date and she isn't out simply to please him. If that's his attitude then Make should be giving him the elbow, no room for controlling men on this thread

Flipping heck I was only saying as it happened to me once. I made a joke on facebook so he said he wasn't happy that I'd made it obvious I was 'dating'. I wasn't in the least bit bothered about this guy and was wondering if Make's date might take the huff too.

For me keeping schtum wouldn't be about protecting egos or contolling men or anything like that - just... um.. I dunno. A certain something... manners? Manners is maybe too strong a word. Err... like I would feel that other dates are my business not his, and wouldn't want to offer that information up. Nor would I want to receive such a message from a man

Offering to cancel a date for them would also be a no no for me, too available and too keen.

I would have just done a smiley face and said I was free again on Sunday, leaving out the details and keeping the mystery!

Well, if a bloke had said that to me he would have got short shrift! And blocked!

But surely when you first meet someone, from a dating site, they aren't going to be shocked if you have other dates lined up? I would take it as written that until we had mutually decided we were going to 'see' each other that there would be other dates. I'm not saying I would put the information out there or that I would offer to cancel a date but I certainly wouldn't be keeping quiet in order to protect the guys feelings. If I did put the info out there and he wasn't happy about it then that would say a lot about him, if he kicked off then that would be it! NEXT!

Anyway, Make has done it now and I don't like that we might be making her feel she has made a wrong move. There are no rules and everyone goes about things differently. Each to their own I say

How does a shy, intellectual, dirty-stop-in with SEN kids and a saggy arse find the sexy, academic, feminist man of her dreams? Tell me that.

Well he sent me a text to say he wasn't happy with my fb comment so I didn't bother speaking to him again. I wouldn't mind but I was trying to politely put someone else off.

I hope you didn't think I was sticking up for controlling men.

Flanelle get yourself a profile on POF and set it for Intimate Encounter but state in your profile exactly what you are looking for, you do not have to engage in an IE, you will simply be inundated with messages! You have nothing to lose by giving it a go, you might just meet The One and even if you don't you will feel empowered

No Adams I didn't think you were doing that at all and I'm pleased that you didn't bother with that bloke again but I wish you had sent him an arsey message putting him in his place

so - i got an email this afternoon, from someone asking how i was getting on seeing as ive swapped my profile over....
this led to a bit of a conversation, and in the name of research i asked how he had found that out, and how he knew i had swapped it.

His profile is a totally normal profile, looking for a relationship, family are important, etc... etc..

He said he had seen me on the site, but was actaully looking for sex, and now seeing as ive chnaged it do i fancy it??

Anyway - he also said that he, and lots of his friends who also use the site, always search both, dating and IE.

So - there we have it.

Flanelle you might prefer Guardian Soulmates as a somewhat gentler introduction than PoF

Try it all though - PoF is chock full of prats, chancers, players, and misogynists BUT there are diamonds in the rough if you can hack all the sifting chaff.

If you have never dated online before I'd recommend Guardian Soulmates or OKcupid for a first port of call though

Good work watch, the research is coming along nicely, we shall soon be able to write that True Guide to Internet Dating

I had a flick through GS a week or so back and I quite liked it, I don't like that I have to pay though OKC, well, that just seems so tame now after the IE section of POF

X <--- my spot! Purely as a spectator!

OTHER than internet dating

Match Affinity = total dead loss and I have no more dosh!

I thought you were signing up for the swiss roll stay

Flanelle Other than internet dating, groups? Through hobbies? Walking round town wearing a sandwich board advertising your wares?

You could always place an ad in the 'Personals' section of the local paper.

Sandwich board! Of course!

Yes, am clearly going to have to go out. Ugh.