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Original poster

He tried to have sex with me while I was asleep

489 replies

maristella · 05/06/2011 21:46

And I'm very fucking angry about it.

The more I tried to stop him, the more he interpreted my movement as a green light. I kept saying let me sleep, I rolled away until I ha nowhere left to go, I kept taking his hands and cock away from me. The only way I was able to make him stop was to get out of bed. He looked so utterly wounded and rejected Angry

It was a new relationship, I really liked him, and this was the first time we spent the night together, and the last.

I fucking hate him, I have rejected all his calls since and he is still ringing and texting. I know I should have spelled it out to him, but I knew I would have been bombarded. He sent me loads of emails saying he wanted to spend the weekend with me and DS; he's never met my DS! I don;t ever want him to meet DS, ever! I emailed back (the only contact I've made to him since I stayed over) and said I really don;t want a relationship. But he is still fucking trying!

I could actually go to the police, which might mean that mutual friends and family are dragged into this, I might be vilified for this. I don;t want or deserve that. I could carry on dodging him. I might flip and call him a pervert and threaten to tell my family and our friends.

I just needed to let that out....

OP posts:
Ripeberry · 05/06/2011 21:51

Your first night together and you just wanted to sleep? No wonder he feels rejected. You gave him conflicting signals.
If you did not want sex, you should not have gone into his bed.

If you still have any feelings for him then let him apologise and maybe give him another chance. But if you don't fancy it then sleep in another room.

You both need to talk it through so you both have boundaries.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 05/06/2011 21:51

What a psycho! Good job you have walked away. Hopefully in time he will get bored and leave you alone. Could you threaten telling police to stop him? Jeez, what a twat ... I hope you are okay. Wtf did he think he was doing .. Well, we know but what a twat.

Makeminealarge · 05/06/2011 21:52

i wouldnt bother with the police unless you want to report him for harassment. Perhaps he is embarassed? who knows what was going through his head at the time but you quite obv made it clear no is no. so good for you for getting rid!!

When will men realise we are not objects for their 'entertainment'?!urgh, makes me mad.

To me he hasnt taken a hint yet and is clearly clingy, possessive etc and traits not worth hanging onto. keep ignoring him, you're doing well so far he will persist until he gets bored. get his number barred etc.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 05/06/2011 21:52

When I said walked away, I meant from the relationship.

I disagree with the other post , don't go near him again. His behaviour was unacceptable.

lovetheoneyourewith · 05/06/2011 21:54

Ripeberry, what?????

Firstly, she can be in his bed and say no to sex - she's not obliged to have sex with him.

Secondly, how knows, maybe they already had sex and she wanted to sleep? Again, she's NOT OBLIGEDT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM.

CliffTumble · 05/06/2011 21:56

Wtf ripeberry? Are you Kenneth Clarke?

Cain · 05/06/2011 21:56

You should be angry! How dare he! Bloody prick. You should have no guilt and kick him into touch. Totally out of order.

Tell him to leave you alone or you will tell everyone that he tried to rape you whilst you were asleep!
Bastard.
Even better, stoop to his level and threaten to tell everyone that you were up for it but he couldn't maintain an erection. But then that might backfire on you. O what a shit!

madonnawhore · 05/06/2011 21:57

Ripeberry WTF?!! Sharing a bed with a man is not in, any universe, equal to consenting to sex with him.

Can't believe I just read that.

AyeRobot · 05/06/2011 21:57

I'm so sorry he did that to you. It's not your fault.

Can you block his number and email?

Original poster
maristella · 05/06/2011 21:57

Ripe in the evening I had slept with him. That does not give him the right to try and have sex with me first thing in the morning! I was scared and angry.
Boundaries? Really? Making sure someone is awake; acknowledging their rejection should be reasonable right?

This is exactly why I thought I could only talk about this here. I thought that in RL people wouold go ballistic at him, or be like this :(

OP posts:
Original poster
maristella · 05/06/2011 21:58

How many times should a woman have to say no?

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 05/06/2011 21:58

Also, he sounds like a creepy stalker wanting to meet your DS after a few dates and harassing you.

Well done on getting rid instantly and call the police if you need to. If you met him through a dating site, you should def. report him.

lovetheoneyourewith · 05/06/2011 21:58

I feel sad for women who think that if they sleep in the same bed as a man they have no rights over their own bodies any more.

I am very glad to see how angry and pissed off you are about this OP - you have every right to be, he was being a despicable piece of shit and you know that.

Original poster
maristella · 05/06/2011 21:59

x-posted. Thank you everyone else, breathing a sigh of relief here, it's not just me thinking this way

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 05/06/2011 22:00

To paraphrase a recent Johann Hari article: OP, you are entitled to sleep with him every day from Monday to Saturday and still refuse to consent to sex on Sunday.

How fucking dare he?! I hope you are ok :(

TheSecondComing · 05/06/2011 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jenny60 · 05/06/2011 22:05

No, it's not just you thinking this way. So sorry you went through this. He's a twat to put it kindly. What he did was totally not on. Block his number if you can and know that you did nothing wrong. What he did was not only wrong, it was illegal. It makes me Angry beyond words. Take care of yourself.

Original poster
maristella · 05/06/2011 22:10

It was illegal wasn't it? I kept telling him to let me sleep and saying leave me alone. I was being woken from a deep sleep and it freaked me out. I actually wasn't that polite about it, get the fuck off me was more like it, but every time I spoke (was still half in sleep) he just tried to punce. I ended up right at the edge of the bed, lying face down absolutely rigid, angry and half asleep, but he kept trying til I jumped out.

OP posts:
PhishFoodAddiction · 05/06/2011 22:10

Shock at ripeberry, you can't be serious? Sleeping in the same bed as a man doesn't signal consent to sex.

OP, you did the right thing in ditching him straight away. What he tried to do was disgusting.

I hope you're okay.

Cain · 05/06/2011 22:11

madonnawhoreSun 05-Jun-11 22:00:47

To paraphrase a recent Johann Hari article: OP, you are entitled to sleep with him every day from Monday to Saturday and still refuse to consent to sex on Sunday.

How fucking dare he?! I hope you are ok

This post says it all.

Original poster
maristella · 05/06/2011 22:11

*pounce

OP posts:
Original poster
maristella · 05/06/2011 22:15

madonnawhore that is a brilliant quote.

And thank you for your responses. I've been ok since, but when he tries yet again to contact me I get so angry! After the way he behaved he badgers me almost every weekend as if he behaved just fine Angry it's as if I have behaved badly in all of this, and I haven't. Maybe I should have been very direct with him, but I had a git feeling since that happened that my phone would not stop ringing, that this would not go away for a very long time, but he still won;t go away

OP posts:
Alambil · 05/06/2011 22:18

tell him straight: "If you ever contact me again, I will report what you did to the police and I will be believed."

MooncupGoddess · 05/06/2011 22:20

maristella - that is absolutely appalling. Much sympathy.

This man is clearly a sexual predator who sees women as objects to fuck whether they want to be fucked or not. I can't imagine you've been the only one - is he part of your social circle? If so I think there is an argument for mentioning his behaviour to your friends; it really sounds as if any woman who comes into contact with him should be forewarned.

Wottywot · 05/06/2011 22:23

I agree with the Ripeberry! Sorry!

You need to be very direct with him and tell him why you were/are still upset. He cannot read your mind and he might genuinely be confused!

I know that sleeping in the same bed as a guy does not give him the right over your own body but it does give off signals. I don't pretend to understand men any better than any other women but I do understand that in this scenario, wires get crossed and so its better just to keep things black and white.