My mother has just ruined my sister's visit for me and I'm furious. I haven't seen my sis for years as she lives in Oz, although we are very close, so I was so excited to be seeing her and my niece over the weekend even though me and the DC have all been ill with flu. They had to catch a couple of buses to get here which was just a nightmare...mum shouting at me down the phone because the driver had been rude, didn't go where he was supposed to etc.
Anyhoo, to cut a long story short me and kids had to go and meet them at the bus station, by which time she was in such a foul mood that she ignored me and ignored my 2 DDs, but made a huge fuss of my DS (she is a female misogynist, always has been, can't stand women). Bear in mind I haven't seen my mother in 2 years, precisely for this reason.
We got a bus back to mine, and she spent the entire journey saying very loudly that the town was horrible, and that local people were rude and horrible...people were all staring at her as she ranted. I wanted to die, as I live here and knew some of these people.
We got home, and I opened a bottle of wine even though it was only lunchtime. She always always has thiss effect on me. Me and sis started reminiscing and I recounted a story where my mum got drunk at my son's holy communion and started pole dancing around the swing in the garden. She went mad, and shouted at me that I was a fecking lying cow! In front of my children, my sister and my niece.
Later on she shouted at me to 'get bloody lost' because I said that I felt sorry for Cher on X Factor, as she's only 17 and this is her dream and if it was my DD it would break my heart to see her crying on stage like that.
Them we were in the local shop and my son asked me for a tube of pringles. I said no as we already had crisps and stuff in the basket. My mother dragged him off and put 2 tubes in his arms. I said to him that I had said no and she got right in my face and said 'well I said yes', then when I tried to protest she told me to shut my face. I'm forty bloody one FFS.
She spent the whole time winding my 6 year old up, telling her she had a huge bum etc, and 'ooh, who's this ugly girl here, oh it's x'.
I'm really angry that she can still affect me this way. I've managed to stay away from her for a couple of years now, but couldn't avoid her this weekend.
I'm convinced that she is the reason I end up in abusive relationships, because I have spent my entire life being treated like shit by the one person who is supposed to love me unconditionally.
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How can she still do this to me when I am 41?
HappyWithLife · 23/11/2010 08:45
pinksmarties...thanks 
. I am still happy, and love life and count my blessings every day, but she is just so awful to me and the children. It brought back so many feelings of panic.
She is bitter and jealous. She has never forgiven me for being with my dad when he died. We knew he was slipping away and she went and took a sleeping tablet 
. I stayed with him as I couldn't wake her, and he died in my arms and no one can take that away from me, but every now and again she tells me that I took her job away from her, that she should have been with him but I stopped her being there.
When I was a kid, about 7, I saved up all my pocket money and bought her a plant in a basket for her birthday. I got the day wrong though and gave it to her a day late. She threw it against the wall, smashing the basket and all the heads of the flowers broke off.
She has now invited herself up for xmas . Another xmas ruined for me and the Dcs.
Do NOT have this woman over for christmas. How can you do that to your dc's??? let alone yourself!
Get rid. She is not your mother. She has not 'mothered' you. She sounds sick actually. I mean sick in the head.
And of course you can write to her. You get a pen and a piece of paper and you put words on the sheet. You put the letter in an envelope, stick a SECOND class stamp on it (she's not worth a first class one) and put it in a letter box.
Then when she rings to blow your head off, answer the phone and say very little. When she pauses, say 'goodbye Mary or whatever her actual name is. Don't even call; her mum.
Howl if you want to after that. But for goodness sake get her vile influence out of your children's lives.
Mother your DCs in the way you were not.
Hugs.
You have to let go of the guilt you carry from your childhood, no one can treat you like this - family or not.
Rather than seeing recent events as you are, see it as the last chance you gave her - I imagine you'd hoped she'd changed during the time that you havent seen her (apologies if I have got things wrong or misread) but now you know that she hasnt, she wont, and she will also never accept that she is anything other than great.
You can then know in yourself that you tried more than once make things okay, but there comes a time when you have to say 'enough'.
Sorry if Im rambling or confused, I get a bit anxious posting 
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