Write The Archers One Line At A Time

[PseudoBadger]

Do it like the professionals do it

Toby: I heard that that Helen woman bludgeoned him half to death with a wheel of cheese?

Jazzer: news to me! But then I've Ben working very hard

Been. Sorry

Tom: Jazzer! Keep the pigs a bit hungry will you, they may have some 'special food' coming their way soon....

Maurice: A whole wheel of cheese? I love a strong woman ...

Tom: Nice to hear from you Maurice?

Maurice: Sorry Tom - I'm going to have to ring off - train's just pulling into Brighton now. Give you a call after my er ... business meeting. I might be retiring ...

Brian: Hi Tom, was that Maurice you were on the phone to? He does about as much work as Kate? Has anyone seen Kate by the way? I checked a yurt...

PC Plum: Ello Ello Ello. I've been drafted in from Balamory to help Fallon's bloke collect door to door statements. I wondered where Kate was too...

Peggy: Christine? What on earth happened to my pie? I could have sworn I had one

Lillian: Dharling make mine a large one, phanar phanar

Helllllooo all. Am back from my travels. Bar open.

Mind the large barrels, don't want anyone to fall in, especially not with a recent wound. They might not have the strength to get out again.

Tom: Actually Kate nearly crashed into me on the Felpersham road earlier - she was in an almighty rush. Said something about going away for the week and needing some sea air.

Brian: Seriously though, where is Kate? And Alice and Chris? And Ian? And indeed the rest of my extended family? Possibly there is someone vaguely psychopathic living nearby who has herded them all into a culvert. Or something...

Maurice, I think you misplaced one of your butcher knives.

Sabrina Thwaite : ............................

Maurice: (Crackiling phone line) Now you come to mention it I did lend that Rob my second best slicer. He was hoping his Mrs might do something special for dinner. Must dash. (Off) Rex, me old mate! What you got for me?

Tom: can you believe it mum, that Rex tried to push his damned pastured eggs on to us for the scotch eggs? At a time like this! Maurice was embarrassed to tell me.

Froof: ooooooooooh noooooooo Deevid!

Kate: Would everyone just chill out!! My aura is seriously like disturbed like. I can't take this hassle, you don't understand, you're all so selfish... I think I'm getting a migraine. I am going to go lie down and smoke a big spliff.

Henwee: Awwiiight

Pat: oh my god Tom! What pastured eggs? Did I just miss EVERYTHING? oh Tony!

Freddie: Oi!! Auntie Kate! That's MY STASH you're rolling up.

Lily: Oh Freddy, I'll look after you just like Mummy used to look after Papa. Now polish my shoes like a good boy.

Kate: Freddie! And Lily! Hello you two! Does your mother know you're in Brighton? (Aside) Damn and blast - Maurice didn't tell me he'd roped in two more people. My cut's going to be even smaller, unless I get rid of these tiresome kids.

Maurice: it's alright Kate. I brought my third best slicer with me...

Kate: Maurice - you're almost as funny as Auntie Lillian. Don't worry, we can just throw them onto a plane to Jo'burg - serve Lucas right. Dad can pay, I've brought his credit card. Now - when do we pick up the merchandise?