Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

(334 Posts)
bethylou Wed 05-May-10 22:25:03

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

loulou77 Wed 05-May-10 22:29:03

I am just getting in the bloody pram (outside pre-school, in front of assembled parents and teachers)

Is that man having a baby? (in a cafe, loudly, about a man sitting at the next table)

Mummy, I think I have another wormy coming out of my bum (today, loudly, at soft play...we left)

all of these are DD (4) in the last few weeks

lovemyOJ Wed 05-May-10 22:29:17

when my friend was about 6 he fell over and cracked his head open on a fire place, when at the hospital the doctor asked him 'gosh how did you do that' and he replied 'daddy pushed me!' apparently his dad wasnt even home when it happened!
friends mum was mortified and feared she would have ss knocking any minute!

loulou77 Wed 05-May-10 22:31:01

BTW I didn't take my worm infested child to soft play...she has been treated and is clear however getting worms was the most thrilling thing that has happened to her since I crashed the car on the nursery school gates, so she won't let it go!

Sassybeast Wed 05-May-10 22:31:04

DD told her nursery teacher that a bad man had thrown her down the stairs confused

my toddler shouted on a train:

LOOK AT THE LAMBS IN THE FIELD YOU CUT OFF THEIR HEADS AND PEEL OFF THEIR SKIN DON'T YOU MUMMY????

wtf??

(this was 6 years ago and I still cringe)

(and no, I don't cut lambs heads off or peel their skin for that matter)

TimothyTigerTuppennyTail Wed 05-May-10 22:33:41

Ahhhh, Mummy said a bad word. Mummy said shit.

blush

ShowOfHands Wed 05-May-10 22:34:17

DH was tickling dd on the tummy earlier while we were in the park. A nice lady said that it looked like fun. DD, who is 2.11, shrugged and said 'yes, usually he punches me'. He does no such thing.

She also chirruped in the swimming pool family changing room a couple of months ago 'what a lovely big willy you have daddy'.

I'm going to stop taking her out I think.

DD1 asked a somewhat portly lady to please excuse her so she could get past. Then she came over to me and said "Mummy, I said 'excuse me' to that lady".

"Yes you did, DD1", says I, feeling very proud of my well-mannered daughter.

"Mummy, I said 'excuse me' and she moved her BIG FAT BOTTOM!"

<wishes for ground to open up and swallow both me and DD1>

KurrisSeatisNotMarginal Wed 05-May-10 22:35:32

In a post office queue 'Mummy, Mummy, that lady's got a moustache just like Daddy's'

fabhead Wed 05-May-10 22:36:01

Also in a PO queue my 3 year old said to a 30 something man in front of us who was mostly bald and greying where left, "Hello Granddad"

hazeyjane Wed 05-May-10 22:37:26

"Mummy dropped dd2 in the river" - dd1 to her preschool teacher, on her first day.

"NOT THE STRAP MUMMY, NOOOOO" - dd2 as I try to strap her into her pushchair in Waitrose (she had just tried to leg it out of the door into the road)

"Mummy you did a big smelly poo" - dd2 on leaving the toilet in lovely cafe, full of people, that we will sadly never return to.

donnie Wed 05-May-10 22:38:59

OMG you think that's bad, OP?

how's this:

"MUMMY WHY HAVE YOU GOT A FAT HAIRY MINNIE"? ....minnie being our word for girls' bits.

In waitrose. Maybe if we'd been slumming it with the proles in Asda it wouldn't have been so bad?

Gay40 Wed 05-May-10 22:40:40

This is one of the funniest threads ever!
Keep it coming x

hazeyjane Wed 05-May-10 22:41:22

Oh yes, Donnie, 'mummys got a furry foofoo' can often be heard being chanted by my dds when we are in public toilets, usually with long queue outside.

SwissMonsterRavingCheesyParty Wed 05-May-10 22:42:12

Don't hurt me, don't hurt me, please, please, don't hurt me hmm

<looks for hole to swallow me up>

FlyingFig Wed 05-May-10 22:42:12

In a crowd, having just used a (public) toilet, DD (then 9) asked in a loud voice:

"It says in that toilet back there that Kirsty Blaine is a cunt - what's a cunt? And who is she?"

Ground.Swallow.Me.Up...Please...

gladitsover Wed 05-May-10 22:42:34

I picked up my son in a shop when he was about 2 as he was refusing to leave. As we walked past a woman he held out his arms to her and shouted "Help me lady!"

lauraly Wed 05-May-10 22:42:42

OP you are lucky..
MY DS recently told his grandparents, after being asked how the drive down was
"Fine but there was a stupid Wanger at the roundabout!!!!"

shock horror as I never swear (apart from when somebody is about to smash into my car!!!)
so now Wanger is a favourite word of ours!

lauraly Wed 05-May-10 22:44:09

then there was the other day when he began to point out 'PLUMP' people after being told its not nice to call people fat!

Casmama Wed 05-May-10 22:46:38

Not my dc but my sister (aged 5 at the time) said to her teacher "my mummy doesn't like your haircut"

fabhead Wed 05-May-10 22:48:09

LOL at the stupid Wangers. My 2y old has started saying "Fugs sakes!" in the car blush

Lovecat Wed 05-May-10 22:52:54

DD mortified me at the weekend - we were in MaccyD's and a family of Chinese appearance walked in. She stands on her chair and points at them.

DD (incredibly loudly): Mummy, those people are not from our country!

Me: <inwardly going wtf??> DD, don't point, it's rude.

DD (with volume increase): But Mummy, they are NOT from England, they are not from here!

Me: (trying not to combust with embarrassment) Ssh, it's rude to point, of course they're from here!

DD: No, Mummy, they're not from here, look at them, they're not English, they look different! Look at how their eyes are different!

Me: <nooooooooooooooo!>

I eventually got her to lower her voice and it transpired that she has been doing a project in school about where your family originally comes from, and as one of her classmates is of Chinese origin, she was simply trying to show off her new-found knowledge of where this other family (who either didn't notice or thankfully decided to ignore the mini-Nick Griffin ranting at them) originated from...

God I wanted the floor to open and swallow me up!

She has also loudly argued the toss with me on a train that the lady cleaner in our carriage was actually a man (said lady had v. short Irish Mammy haircut and was v. tall and thin), much to my mortification...

fabhead Wed 05-May-10 22:53:12

I've posted this before on these threads, ds1, about 2, trip to BirdWorld, Granny bought him 2 stuffed birds, painstakingly advised him at length that they were a blackbird and a cockatoo.

Next day, shopping in Croydon, new favourite toys along for the day, mistakenly left the Cockatoo in the car. Queue frantic dash down main shopping parade back to carpark with ds1 shouting and screaming at top of his lungs, "BlackBird Want Cock!, BlackBird Want Cock!"

itsybitsy08 Wed 05-May-10 22:55:11

when i was little about 3ish i think, my (young) aunty taught me to say slap head.
On the bus one day with my mam, a bald man sat down in front of us. I promply shouted at the top of my lungs "slaphead" and tapped him on the head!
Needless to say mam was mortified!

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