What's the worst/funniest thing that a man has ever said to you after having sex?

(261 Posts)
makemineamalibuandpineapple Wed 14-Aug-13 22:34:01

I had been having a fling with a guy I had met online. He had come over and we had just DTD 5 times!! It was 3am and I was showing him out and he said "We'll touch base" grin I thought, "I'm never going to see this man again". And guess what, 3 years later I still haven't. Thankfully I am now loved up with my lovely bf but that still makes me chuckle whenever I think about it.

He said his own name of completion. His name rhymes with Hohn. He had a mirrored wardrobe which I think he watched his self in.

I decided to never see him again after that.

Marcheline Wed 14-Aug-13 22:38:43

I once dates a guy who would do a family guy impression and expect a high five.

I went out with him for just over a year. Oh the shame.

Marcheline Wed 14-Aug-13 22:39:04

*dated

Beamur Wed 14-Aug-13 22:39:34

The worst was a chap who post sex got all emotional about his ex and wanted to talk to me about why it hadn't worked out with her....the even worst part was I was staying with a friend who I knew had met someone she'd been seeing and taken him back to her place so I felt I couldn't immediately run off either! Longest few hours of my life.

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa Wed 14-Aug-13 22:41:39

One ex used to kiss his 'guns' during and after. Did I say EX grin

The worst is either "Sorry" (not sure what for) or "Thanks", though. Yuck!

BigTravellingClown Wed 14-Aug-13 22:42:04

Ex used to get up like five seconds after we had finished (5 minutes after we had started...), scratch his balls and get dressed, then wander out of the room saying something like "I wonder if City have scored yet...?"

And he wondered why I wasn't that into sex with him!

DH usually tells me he loves me afterwards.

CruCru Wed 14-Aug-13 22:42:06

"I don't want to make any commitment" from an ex boyfriend I still slept with occasionally as I was single. Made me feel awesome, that did.

Chubfuddler Wed 14-Aug-13 22:42:54

Someone said their own name when they came?

Bloody hell.

Chub yes, his own name. He also saw no issue with this and I said 'wtf did you just say?!'

He had some body issues. He thought he was better looking then he was! He looked like a donkey but thought he was a stallion grin

MissAntithetic Wed 14-Aug-13 22:45:37

The worst was a casual relationship now I recognise he was obviously married but at the time I thought it was normal

He rolled off and said "you weren't lying when you said you were on the pill were you? I don't want some fucking 20 year old tart trapping me"

I actually showed him my pill packet and continued to see him for another month before the good lord slapped me with a smoked kipper and shoved some self respect up my Arse.

You. If your reading this. Are a fat balding cunt and I only slept with you because I was just out of an EA relationship - he was my first and it was 7 years long. I learnt the second time much quicker. Your problem was you were pulling above your weight. You knew it. I didn't but I do now.

Oh and even though I'd only had one previous lover, you were shit.

ImNotBloody14 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:45:45

i was seeing a man who was multilingual and liked to entertain me with different accents. the first time we had sex, just as we had finished he said in a very fake norwegianish sort of accent "it is good, ya?" with both thumbs up and i just collapsed into fits of laughter. i couldn't catch my breath for ages which he then found hysterical so we both ended up doubled over laughing. will always remember that. i'm very grateful he waited til it was over til he said it- he could have timed that very badly grin

CruCru Wed 14-Aug-13 22:46:01

Same ex used to watch himself in the mirror during sex.

foslady Wed 14-Aug-13 22:47:30

That was nice. Fucking 'nice' (I have since been told I'm bloody fantastic btw - so it wasn't me!!!!grin)

Guiltcity Wed 14-Aug-13 22:47:31

"I kissed a girl and I liked it"
First time with now DP.

He immediately reassured me he'd kissed "girls" before and had no idea why he said it.

I still enjoy bringing it up now!

Best friend was giving a blowjob to a guy who shouted "yes! drink from my fountain!" as he came...got to be 10 years ago now but she still laughs uncontrollably if anyone even says his name grin

Chubfuddler Wed 14-Aug-13 22:50:51

I really hope some of these are the same man.

Drink from my fountain

Christ.

That's it. I'm never having sex again.

ImNotBloody14 Wed 14-Aug-13 22:51:49

the worst was a different guy, after pretty crappy sex i lay down beside him and he patted my back like a child and asked if i was ok! confused it just felt so wrong so i didn't see him again. bleaugh.

i also should admit to saying someone else's name whilst shagging my ex- to make matters worse, i apologised straight away as i realised it wasn't his name and he said "what are you saing sorry for?" HE HADN'T HEARD ME! so then i said never mind, but he insisted i told him so i told him and we had a massive row because the name i said was that of a work colleague i'd had a fling with before ex and i were together, but who i still worked with blush

"I hope you're on the pill cos that's gone straight to the baby making factory" hmm

It hadn't. And never did (with him), thankfully.

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath Wed 14-Aug-13 22:56:01

drink from my fountain

I am crying! grin

PipkinsPal Wed 14-Aug-13 22:59:48

I'm just under 5 ft tall and 10 years ago when I was 35 I was just under 7 stone so I was teeny tiny. My bf at the time, who was aged around 43 said "it's just like making love to a schoolgirl being with you" shock. He was quickly an ex.

FrankSpenser Wed 14-Aug-13 22:59:51

Drink. From. My. Fountain.

What the actual fuck??!

TinyDiamond Wed 14-Aug-13 23:02:15

bahhhhhhhhaha drink from my fountain. amazing

Still18atheart Wed 14-Aug-13 23:05:22

Drink from my fountain
grin grin grin grin

RNJ3007 Wed 14-Aug-13 23:06:00

Not so much said, but had a fling bark at me when I asked what he'd like to do...

Mood. Killed.

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