What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

(532 Posts)

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house? hmm

these, but even pointier

peachybums Mon 31-Mar-14 16:39:46

'You have to learn that myself and people like me are far more superior than people like you' said BIL to my confused 11 year old DS hmm

EurotrashGirl Sun 30-Mar-14 22:33:44

amateurcynic is your friend student at the University of East Anglia?

EurotrashGirl Sun 30-Mar-14 10:09:57

Once when I was a child I asked for a chip sandwich. My mother said "No Euro, that would be too Appalachian" .
When I was 5, I told my mother she could only buy dolphin safe tuna.
The one about dating someone without a degree could easily have been said my me. Growing up, I don't think I knew any adults who didn't have degrees. I don't think the one about name changing and publishing is pretentious at all.

Odaat Sat 15-Mar-14 21:19:53

The girl in question (ie the thorough bred, ha!) was from Edinburough but everyone thought she was American due to the public school she went to- all of them spoke in the same posh, generic American accent. Weird.

Odaat Sat 15-Mar-14 21:18:12

Worst of the worst : "She is a from good stock, a good breed"
Overheard at my Uni, a fellow student talking to another student about a girl we lived with. A good breed!? What is she, a fucking horse!?
Vomit...

SuddenlySqueamish Fri 14-Mar-14 13:02:02

"We could just land the helicopter in the garden"

Seriously. I just bought a very small pond for my very small garden and worried about it being crowded.
Heard in Falmouth, Cornwall last summer when DP and I were walking behind a very posh looking middle-aged man and an older man.

There is a chap who DH knew at school - they were actually good friends even in the first year of uni then they kind of drifted apart. In the 14 years I've been with DH I've met him 3 times, and he is the most money orientated tosser I think I've ever met.

Some gems:
- have you been to the States recently? (He "pops across the pond" every couple of months)
- oh, the tax man is a thieving bastard. I'm in the 40% tax band, are you?
- I have absolutely no DIY skills whatsoever. I can't even put a curtain rail up. But then of course I do pay through the nose to have these things done for me

He had dropped out of uni in Scarborough (!), worked in Pizza Hut when coming back to London, then mysteriously got a well paid job brought daddy's connections. The last time we saw him we had bought and were gutting/renovating our 3 bedroom house ourselves, whilst he was living in a 1 bedroom flat a few miles away. So he turns up, poor girlfriend in tow, to see the house. Cue us answering the door covered in plaster dust, paint stripper and builders caulk. He turns up in his porche (both our separate reactions - bloody hell where did you nick that from grin ) dressed in designer jeans and a pale Armani blazer. Not quite sure what he was expecting - he was visiting a building site! shock

woodmouse2 Wed 05-Mar-14 23:59:53

Overheard in small market town library in stockbroker belt, very posh and well upholstered lady to husband 'O Jeremy. I've got pudding in my fingernails!'

Perhaps the opposite of what the OP asked for but it made us laugh.

largeginandtonic Sun 23-Feb-14 16:49:02

This was my Mother, a few years ago.

I was asking her if she knew there was a credit crunch going on as she was being flippant about a bill or something I was talking about.

She said "Of COURSE darling! I haven't been to Waitrose for WEEKS."

< eye roll >

LadyHH Sun 23-Feb-14 16:41:58

Chatting with a new neighbour recently she said:- " you know LadyHH, it's just wonderful living next to someone so normal - my last neighbour was like a super model every time she left the house!" Mmmmmm I'm sure she thought there was a compliment in there somewhere!

hazelnutlatte Sun 23-Feb-14 16:25:21

Uni friend referring to a village in the Cotswolds near to where she is from - 'oh you wouldn't want to live there, it's a very rough village.'
She was speaking to a group of people from Liverpool and didn't understand why they all fell about laughing.

I think I posted this one on a Loud Parenting thread but it does make me smile.
I was having a wander round Durham Cathedral and kept finding myself at the same points as a family with small (4/5 years old) children. The Loud Parenting was in full flow but I wanted to burst out laughing when the mother said, "come on darling, you know who that is. It's the Venerable Bede. THE VENERABLE BEDE!"
I don't know HOW I kept a straight face! I still remember exactly how she said it!

LadyHH Sun 23-Feb-14 15:54:24

A colleague and I had to work on site at another firm for a few weeks. Colleague "A" and guy "B" from the other company were sussing each other out.

B: so where do you live then A?
A: ah, A town - not the centre mind (scoff scoff)
no, no on the very edge out to the countryside. In fact hardly A town at all. What about you B?
B: ah, A town - the centre.....

I have no idea how I kept a straight face. The three of us carried on talking as if that hadn't just happened!

aylesburyduck Sun 23-Feb-14 12:31:51

Overheard in IKEA recently:

Sitting alongside us were a mum, dad and dd of about a year so. Mum says to dd

"Petal, would you like a nice cup of fennel tea or would you prefer lovely peppermint tea?"

I had to kick OH to stop him laughing, it didn't work he was still chuckling later the same day.

scarffiend Mon 17-Feb-14 17:33:04

I was talking to a girl I used to work with, we were quite friendly at the time, about our in laws. I mentioned that my mil seemed quite intimidated when she saw my parents house (not particularly posh but very clean). My then-friend responded 'but your parents house is just a normal house! If they saw where my parents lived, they'd be approaching me on bended knee!' So grateful to her for that absolute gem.

bouncingpenguin Wed 11-Dec-13 20:58:21

DD once said "I like mange tout" at nursery during conversation about vegetables!

wallaby73 Wed 11-Dec-13 11:16:31

From a 50+ academic to a nubile would-be student at interview : "what do you feel about art being a form of masturbation?"

shock In so many ways.......

DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry Sat 07-Dec-13 19:43:51

I'm reminded of a 5yo in Reception who was asked to name one of his heroes in class one day. He plumped for Archimedes.

His professor grandfather dined out on that for years.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Sat 07-Dec-13 17:41:52

Not pretentious in itself but it made me double up at the time...

On a beach in Cornwall, in a hugely posh accent:

"You know I wished I'd brought the field glasses last year?"

"Yes"

"Well I wish I'd brought them again this year too."

I wept.

PedantMarina Sat 23-Nov-13 22:48:20

@exterminatePeppa Can't be all that pretentious if she was drinking Irish or American whiskey (as opposed to British whisky)

PedantMarina - Does what it says on the tin.

frecklyspeckly Sat 23-Nov-13 22:34:26

Years ago I had the misfortune of being befriended by a complete nutter at a mum and toddler group whom due to weakness on my behalf practically moved in. She has given us a few gems we still recall with fondness. 1) on collecting her ds from nursery where he had had a lot of help colouring in an elephant mask : 'oh he is so, so clever..he knows where an elephants trunk goes...' he was about 9 months. 2) on trying to seduce my husband..'but you don't understand.. I can cook you real curry.. not out of a jar like frecklyspeckly does!' mad, snobby twunt. Thankfully I hear she has fecked off to Australia a number of years back.

PedantMarina Sat 23-Nov-13 22:16:21

Not sure if this counts, but just have to share. Gloucester Road tube station, overheard an American mother talking to her daughter:

"No dear, it's Lye-CHes-ter Square".

EXTERMINATEpeppa Sat 23-Nov-13 22:16:18

my ex mil actually says...
'such fun'

shes never seen Miranda as tv is 'preposterous these days' & weekends are for wine or whiskey tasting.

uneedme Sat 23-Nov-13 22:15:09

On the tube heavily pregnant. Two public school girls sitting opposite me, dont realise I can hear them

"Gosh I would hate to be that pregnant, it is just advertising to the world that you have had sex"

HamletsSister Sat 23-Nov-13 22:00:00

Oh, and this one was tongue in cheek. When trying to smuggle a bottle of half drunk wine into a party in a hotel, as a student, a friend had it confiscated with the promise of return at the end of the party. When the bouncer asked his name, to put with the bottle he replied (and this still makes me laugh more than almost anything else) "Sainsbury. Viscount Sainsbury. The name's on the bottle."

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