What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

(532 Posts)

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house? hmm

these, but even pointier

DizzyZebra Wed 16-Jan-13 01:52:12

@ The liquid gold comment - When i had my DD I expressed one of the little cups full of collostrum. The midwife came in and knoacked it over, And promptly burst into tears and she referred to it as liquid gold.

I wasn't upset. I evidently wasn't struggling, But at the time i wondered what sort of people she had been dealing with (Pretentious?).

Then i had my son and i REALLY struggled. I cant even imagine the state i'd have left someone in if they'd spilled it then. I don't know about liquid gold - But drawing blood from a stone was looking an attractive past time at one point.

lastSplash Thu 24-Jan-13 23:48:18

Freshers fair: "Hi, I'm John. I'm a post-structuralist".

twentythirteen Sat 09-Feb-13 20:02:52

This one's on me. I was asked if I read the Daily Mail and I looked genuinely confused as if shocked that anyone would read it, let alone reference it in a conversation. I was duly embarrassed by my own response.

Wannabestepfordwife Sat 23-Mar-13 19:34:25

My uncle and his wife had to check out of a 5 star hotel as there were no pictures on the walk they could "not possibly stay in a room where the walls were so bare".

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 23-Mar-13 20:00:12

Apparently, when I started infant school, I took exception to my teacher looking over my shoulder at my work and I carefully and dramatically placed my pencil on the table then turned to look at her and very primly said "Mrs X, I will thank you to not look over my shoulder while I am working, it's putting me orf"

or something very similar.

My mum bumped into her years later and she told her that she'd been dining out on that for years.

blush

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 23-Mar-13 20:12:27

oh god. I fear I have just been utterly pretentious.

My husband has just complained that he is aching after having spent the afternoon clearing the paths of snow.

I replied (I can't believe I am going to share this. You are all going to take the piss without mercy)

"yes darling, but you're not used to manual labour"

<dies>

scottishmummy Fri 12-Apr-13 22:16:13

Right on type,anti-medication,hug the elephant type,said i dont don't get colds
Oh.says I? No,super immune says she.no colds,just blocked nose,coughing,sneeze
She then offered me a bile green viscous liquid,with health properties that I declined.

Thisvehicleisreversing Sun 28-Apr-13 00:50:51

I had a 'friend' at school who was rather MC and from an intellectual family. I was from a single parent family and lived in a council house.

I'd stayed at her's one night and we were making breakfast the next dat. She got out the butter and I said "ooh real butter" we only ever had flora at home.
She replied with "oh you poor thing it must be awful to not afford real food"

janji Sun 28-Apr-13 01:12:35

We often visit London with dc (aged 6 & 9) and treat them to lunches in various tourist hot spots. Cue ds exclaiming loudly in playground before one such weekend trip, "where shall we have lunch this weekend mummy? The Ritz, Harrods or Fortnum and Mason?" Exited the playground very quickly!

amazingmumof6 Sun 28-Apr-13 01:31:58

my MIL is obsessed with spending vast amounts of money on organic food, local butchers, local food, from the health food shop etc. - and never fails to mention how much it cost or why it is better, how healthy blah blah blah etc

she looks after my kids often which includes feeding them. she gets upset if they are picky and tells them they should eat/drink up because it is expensive and organic! I keep telling her not to bother wasting money on them, but she insists.

well, after a particularly long afternoon of "boys eat your organic rice cakes, they have factor 10 manuka honey on them!" "make sure you don't spill this cold press apple juice, it's very expensive!" and "these are organic sausages from the butcher's" my DS2 arrived home, let out a massive burp and said with a grin: "THIS WAS ORGANIC!" grin

amazingmumof6 Sun 28-Apr-13 02:00:45

I'm Hungarian so as a "bloody foreigner" the whole class malarkey doesn't apply to me - I mean how could I be classified as posh or pikey, upper/middle or lower class if I'm not even English/British?

but if class became a topic of conversation, on more than one occasion (first by accident, then as a joke) I'd say: I'm Hungarian, an outsider and above all of it!" wink

Greythorne Sun 28-Apr-13 09:59:34

We live in the suburbs of Paris, so our post code is considered very downmarket. My friend who lives in the same post code has had three babies and each was born at a hospital in (central) Paris so that they will have the posh Paris post code on their birth certificates, despite the fact that there are at least 6 maternity hospitals closer to where we live and she had to travel up to an hour for every antenatal appointment.

Greythorne Sun 28-Apr-13 10:04:25

I used to go out with a man who had attended public school and whose family had a biggish pile in the country.

One night at dinner in their big dining room, the port was brought out. One of my bf's brothers said he would like some port, so I picked up his class and passed it to the father who had the decanter of port in front of him.

Cue said brother say to me in the most withering and condescending voice, "er no, you pass the port, not the glass" and rolling his eyes theatrically at his wife.

It always makes me laugh whenever people often on MN come out with the old canard that upper class folk don't give a shit about the rules and always put everyone at their ease because they are usually too busy unloading their Labradors from battered up 20 year old volvos. There might be some upper class people like that, but there are also snooty upper class people who look down on lower middle class students who don't know how to pass the port.

primarymonkeyhanger Wed 31-Jul-13 16:49:15

At uni many moons ago a housemates friend was visiting from St Andrews (still reeling from not making oxbridge I expect). She said "Well the north is ok but one wouldnt actually want to live there."
She was in Leeds speaking to someone who considered Yorkshire 'the south'.

newforest Sun 01-Sep-13 00:26:09

My sister and I were in Harrods about nine years ago and were looking at some shoes laid out on a table when two women walked up behind us. They stopped briefly with one lady picking up a shoe and then tossing it aside before saying "we don't want to look at these dear; these are just the sale items." Bear in mind that the shoes were still at least a few hundred pounds. The only thing I bought in Harrods that day was a chocolate brownie!

GhostsInSnow Tue 03-Sep-13 15:05:43

My dear Mum always tries to use big words. When the gas man came to read the meter she didn't ask to see his ID card, oh no. She asked him to 'Show me your particulars please'.

Both her and the lady next door bought their ex council houses years ago. They live on the edge of the estate in lets call it area A and across the road is the very desirable Area B. Neighbour recently passed away and the house went on the market, the description on right move of this ex council semi read "Almost Area B!"

raisah Wed 04-Sep-13 05:02:08

My SIL has no self awareness whatsoever so she comes out with some interesting comments. For eg "we are an artistic snd creative family, I am not sure how you will benefit us as you have no understanding of art." whilst showing me her artwork (sweet wrappers stuck to yellow card as a representation of the earths protest about littering or sone shit like that.)

"what is your forte?" I was asked this by a 17 yr old who then proceeded to explain to me what it meant.
I was itching to tell her that I knew what it meant & state that I had a degree in English Literature abd stamp my feet but just smiled and nodded.

Whilst at uni, I knew a lot of medical students through my friend who shared halls with them. Oh my goodness sone of the gems they came out with, I sat in silence out of shock most of the time. One asked me if there was electricity up north because I was brought up in a town. I dread to think that some of them are now practising drs now unleashed on the general public.

bertandmarble Sat 14-Sep-13 08:20:41

Woman on train speaking with a lisp ' yes darling, I left you the keys under the terracotta pumpkin'

JustKate Thu 10-Oct-13 22:37:57

Overheard in Waitrose in Hampstead, woman to her DS: "Orlando! PUT DOWN the papaya!"

And many years ago, when I was a young'un just out of university, visiting my new best friend's family home for the first time. I was from a run-down area, single-parent family; her parents were millionaires. Introduced myself, didn't make any awful faux pas, all was going very smoothly and I was discussing literature (my degree) with friend's mum, until said mum got a bit tipsy and said to my face "It's just so nice to meet a poor person who can read!"

We laughed about it later. At the time I was rather offended.

LittleAprilShowers Mon 14-Oct-13 00:42:31

At work I was organising a new company to take over our IT contract and the old company were causing a few problems. When I told the head of the new company about it she said "oh yah, I often find the outgoing incumbent can be terribly bothersome!".

had to go back to my desk and google incumbent

makemineabacardi Fri 18-Oct-13 16:06:02

I was on holiday a few weeks back and we went to a wildlife park where you could collect stamps on a sheet of paper as you went round - if you got them all they would give you a little plastic medal in the shop. Bit of fun so we did it and DD (2) picked out a medal.

After that we went to the kid's park they had there where a boy - probably aged 3ish, pointed out to his Mum that DD had a medal.

Mum then started pulling him away and while walking past us said in a very loud voice (looking pointedly at me) "You don't need ANY more medals, Jeffrey darling, you have LOADS of medals at home don't you?"

I burst out laughing right then grin.

mokat72 Sun 20-Oct-13 01:36:13

Was at a museum years ago with a friend (white, redhaired) and her small DD (half-black, dark-skinned).

A middle aged white woman in African clothing came up to my friend and said "Mommy, you simply MUST take her to see the African-American exhibit."

She's 3, lady. She pretty much just wants to play on the elevator.

mollyringwald Mon 21-Oct-13 14:31:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amateurcynic Mon 21-Oct-13 16:28:44

A friend of a friend has started a blog called 'ziggurats in everyday life'. hmm

24again Thu 14-Nov-13 20:26:09

We were doing a teddy hunt in a country house and I found myself saying, "Look darling, there's the teddy, it's under the Canaletto!".

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